The Lies We All Tell Ourselves | 22 Words

Happy New Year! Have you made your resolutions yet? According to Statistaย over 50% of Americans make New Year resolutions. The most common resolution is to save more money. The next? Lose weight. Followed by having more sex, travel more, and read more books.

But how many of us actually keep those resolutions? Sure, it sounds great to say this will finally be the year you read a book a week, but around February 7th, when you've only gotten 47 pages into The Goldfinch and all the way through every episode of The Great British Baking Showย (twice), it starts to seem maybe resolutions aren't all their cracked up to be.

And yet, year after year, we tell ourselves this is the year! We're going to be better people. More human-y and less sit-on-the-couch-and-consume-corn-chips-straight-from-the-bag-y.

We have to lie to ourselves, or we'd never get anything done. We have to believe, just a little, that this time we can turn it around. But who are we kidding? Here are some of the biggest lies we tell ourselves as shared by people on Twitter.

Oh yeah, for sure.

You'll remember that insane idea that just might work that came to you in a dream. No need to get out of bed. *In the morning* "Well, another sweet, dreamless sleep with absolutely nothing of importance to remember."

Every single day.

There's always tomorrow to be productive, though. You'll for sure be productive tomorrow.

It's just the one photo I don't like.

And that one. And also that one. It's weird how every photo of me turns out so bad.

Tonight will finally be the night!

Cut to 2 am,ย with me on my phone Googling photos of what the cast of The Babysitter Club Movieย looks likeย now and watching 14 episodes ofย The Office.

Same for cookies.

And let's be honest, wine and cookies at the same time. And then late night Taco Bell.

This is very, very true.

Nobody came on Twitter to learn someone else's point of view. Twitter is just for screaming! And more screaming! After that, there will be screaming. Also, screaming.

Going back to sleep "for only a few minutes" is never a good idea.

Your body does not have a built-on snooze button. You will be late for work.

Monday always seems so far away and manageable.

Actual Monday schedule:
  • Do not start myย diet.
  • Eat chips.
  • Oh, wait I was starting a diet.
  • Chips are healthy, right?
  • I'll start next Monday.

Target is really putting us all on blast here.

You came for shampoo, but it turns out you can't also fit five face masks, a new area rug, a set of free weights (because you're totally going to work out this year) and four bottles of wine in your basket.

Shout out to all the cool dads out there.

You're a lot cooler than the other dads.

Raise your hand if you still own jeans from high school.

Just in case? What really? Just in case you time travel?

After working for ten minutes:

Maybe even a whole week off.

Buying books can seem like such a good idea.

Reading them all is much, much harder.

Oh no, this is too real.

It actually might be all of us.

Oh yeah, definitely.

Until the hangover subsides.

All of this.

Everything's okay. Right?

This also goes for "I'm not going to text first."

And "I'm not going to respond to that Tweet."

No, actually everyone did.

They are just looking down at their phones politely pretending not to.

Do I need four sweaters even though I'm going to Hawaii for three days?

It might get chilly at night.

You won't even believe how clean my house is going to be tomorrow.

Or maybe the next day. Yeah, definitely the next day. I'm going to do a deep clean. Or maybe over the weekend, I'll need more time to really clean. The weekends are really for relaxing, I'll do it next week.

Yeah, right!

Four hours later: Wow, I've been liking puppy videos on Instagram for four hours. Time to move on to kittens.

Lol, no he won't.

But maybe!

You're basically the Barefoot Contessa.

Almost. Very close. Just without the show, or the ability to cook, or Jeffery.

It's rude to even suggest this.

I will live forever. Obviously.

How hard could curling be, really?

I could at least do the sweeping part.

Inbox zero in unachievable.

No matter what your organized friends have told you.

Same goes for kids.

They're only bad if they belong to someone else.

And my boss is a total sweetheart!

I definitely don't spend all day on social media and online shopping.

Even if you leave late every day, you always think "somehow today I will get there faster."

And weirdly, it never works.

What lies do you tell yourself?

Or are you totally honest with yourself all the time? Or maybe you're just like, the world's best person! Either way, I'm going to go empty a bag of Doritos. My diet starts tomorrow!