Kids say the darnedest things. In fact, kids say the darnedest things so much that there was an entire TV show dedicated to the silly things kids say. It was called Kids Say the Darnedest Things. Now, because of Twitter, we don't have to wait for a TV show to put on display all the weird, insane things kids say on a daily basis. Their parents can just tweet out their antics at all hours of the day!
And lucky for us, they do. In addition to saying totally random, kind of spooky things that make them seem more adult than they are, kids will just make up information as opposed to admitting that they don't know a certain thing. It is one of the funniest things in the world when a small child, with all the confidence in the world, calls an owl a "wood penguin." Oh yes, that really happened. Read on to find out more of the most bizarre things kids have ever said to their parents.
You have to hand it to kids.They just keep persevering in the world, even when they fail spectacularly. They're all just trying to figure it out. And they say some ridiculous things along the way.
today we asked my three year old cousin how much he weighs and he said, "uhhh, like fifty squirrels"— k :’) (@k :’))1514157911.0
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the tu… https://t.co/eNqgqyDCDl— octopus/caveman (@octopus/caveman)1535259390.0
Me: What did you do at school today? 5-year-old: Learned about dragons. Me: Your class learned about dragons? 5:… https://t.co/ltS8vCH4Vi— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1524164098.0
Me: "Who got pee on the floor?" 5y.o: "Wait- did you say the floor or the wall?" Me: "Floor." 5: "Oh- not me, then."— Stephanie Ortiz (@Stephanie Ortiz)1548342140.0
My daugjter just ruined Toy Story for ever. She said if one of the toys died Andy wouldnt know and he'd carry on playing with its corpse— Reverend Stigmund Boykie (@Reverend Stigmund Boykie)1530442895.0
4-year-old: Why do we have to wear shoes? Me: They protect your feet. 4: No, they trap your feet. *whispers* They’re feet traps.— Mommy Owl (@Mommy Owl)1546827446.0
7: (silently sneaks up behind me and taps me on the shoulder) Me: Yes? 7: (whispers into my ear) Do not trust Siri.… https://t.co/qQcEkZNO7L— Sara Says Stop (@Sara Says Stop)1535590762.0
4-year-old: I like brushing my teeth. Me: That's good. 4: It makes them sharper. Me: *takes one step back*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1538614081.0
I generally think of myself as an okay father but somehow I forgot to teach my two year old son what an owl was and… https://t.co/m9edzirbBh— non podHORRORetz🧟♂️ (@non podHORRORetz🧟♂️)1528592135.0
*Overheard conversation between 2nd grade boys* “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love?” “I don’t know. I think if… https://t.co/JPJInqPzxL— happy hallieween (@happy hallieween)1520638511.0
The pretty one
I was lifeguarding and a little boy threw his ball out of the water and his mom goes “maybe if you ask the pretty l… https://t.co/q52I3PO7S1— Carlie V (@Carlie V)1529694311.0
Poke the pork
Me: [butchering a raw pork shoulder] Child: Can I poke it? Me: What? Child: Can I poke it? Me: Poke...poke the pork… https://t.co/OTqgHmBRGQ— Rodney Lacroix (@Rodney Lacroix)1546993390.0
my niece asked me one day why i always wear the same tattoos like LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 💀— 🅿️ (@🅿️)1538262507.0
I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time… https://t.co/US0WBywo7X— Ally (@Ally)1534383821.0
Plane crashKids often say really ominous things that make you think they have some sixth sense about what's going to happen. I'd be freaked out if I heard this.
Me: "Do you want the baby to be a girl or a boy?" Wylder: "I want the baby to be Batman!" #ShitMyKidsSay— Tara Dutkiewicz (@Tara Dutkiewicz)1416768627.0
The Girl: Why would someone dress like a hamster? Me:.... Do you mean hipster? Girl: What's the difference?— Ponies and Martinis (@Ponies and Martinis)1443100284.0
Took my son to the zoo yesterday for the first time ever and I realized I hadn’t explained what a hippo was and he… https://t.co/sqqNLbsXfJ— The Dad (@The Dad)1535631480.0
My daughter looked me dead in the eye and said "Daddy, no matter what.. We gotta keep going and hope to see another… https://t.co/jKIfaKU9U8— Dominus (@Dominus)1524950207.0
Me: What do you want to be for Halloween this year? 3yo: Asleep. Can't say she's not mine.— Lauren Mullen (@Lauren Mullen)1537202080.0
Done for today
6-year-old: I woke up. Me: Um, good job? 6: Thanks. I'm done for today.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1548339836.0
TitusTitus! What a legend. That kid's going places.
My 4-y/o daughter tried to jam me up today. Kid: Mommy, why is your bra in daddy's car? Me: What!? The Mrs hit m… https://t.co/GxKy6cvHhM— ManSitChoAzzDown (@ManSitChoAzzDown)1530111456.0
My daughter, who I grew from scratch in my own body, saw me wearing my new boots and said, "No. Hideous. Either the… https://t.co/s4kIhqf3c0— Housewife of Hell (@Housewife of Hell)1547489854.0
My 12 y/o just described a recent bathroom trip as 'not quite diarrhea, just a slithery dump'. #TMI , yet also #perfect . #ShitMyKidsSay— Rumspringa Gunslinga (@Rumspringa Gunslinga)1461372521.0
Almost 2yr old for sale. Been crying for 10 mins cuz he cant get in the oven with the cornbread. Entertaining all offers.— Brown Skin Cocoa (@Brown Skin Cocoa)1527717897.0
3-year-old: *face covered in frosting* Me: Were you eating cake? 3: No. I just kissed it.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1542062068.0
My son just yelled, “COME TO ME, COOKIES!” And then sat on the couch with his mouth open for a good while. I guess it was worth a try.— Unfiltered Mama (@Unfiltered Mama)1544155511.0
Me: When I was pregnant I had an app that told me what size fruit you were every week. 8: Oh. Now I’m probably the size of 868 blueberries.— here comes the son (@here comes the son)1541217152.0