The All-Time Funniest Notes Ever Written by Bitter Neighbors

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Like a good neighbor, stay over there and don’t bother these people.

Needless to say, it can be difficult living around people who don’t respect your personal space — whether it’s in an apartment with their noisy activities or a house where their dog sees your yard as their personal toilet.

Regardless of the egregious offense, there’s a passive-aggressive note for that, minus the passive part.

Then again, maybe like a good neighbor, go over there and talk to them first…

Not only do they politely warn them that they’re flashing the whole neighborhood, they all took the time to sign it.

Taking the package for his package? That was pretty ballsy.

Logistically speaking, that just sounds really crappy all the way around. At least put on a pair of gloves first…

Don’t care. Don’t care. Please park between the lines, not on them. Got it? Great.

  • They get points for creativity.
  • Those points are deducted for spelling.

  • You’re so close… Lift the lid and make a deposit and everybody wins!  

    Now I get that it sucks to have your bike stolen, but dude. It’s a bike. Maybe take a breath or a minute. There’s nothing passive about that aggression.

    Just imagine having to pass them in the hallways…

    What are they doing up there? Oh, yes. The cement shoe clog dance…at 2 a.m.

    Good lord. I hope that’s a typo.

    It’s like they always say: Good fences make good neighbors. Or at least a highly entertaining picture.

    If this is a “pre-warning,” I want to see what comes next.

    The fact that they have everything on video or that they trained their grandkid to revenge crap on command? Discuss.

    But serious question here — the whole second floor? What goes in that place?

    Let it go, let it go… And if you still can’t, at least they’ve left their address. Good luck with that.

    They accomplished so much, they really should thank you! Plus, he even had time to whip up quite the artistic spectacle — all in the nude.

    Can’t wait to see you too! Although if the alleged thief is smart, he won’t be doing that anymore.

  • “May” doesn’t mean they do.
  • Where else are they going to get the good food?
  • Free peanut trees!

  • Most stable people don’t write furious notes to leave on their neighbors’ doors, but this Judy lady takes the cake. She leaves one note, then gets so upset she writes a second note, signing this one “Judy and everyone else in this complex.” I’ve got 100 dollars that says Judy did not talk to a single other person in that complex.

    Look, this is just a guy trying to maintain the integrity of his building’s parking lot, for both himself and his neighbors. The problem? The car this was left on belongs to one of those neighbors. The guy was just parking in his spot. I bet that note-writer’s face sure is red! (I mean, it was red before, but this time with embarrassment instead of rage.)

    Most passive-aggressive neighbor notes are immediately thrown in the garbage. But this note? This note makes zero sense, and because of that, I would take it off my door and study if, like an archeologist with a fossil, hoping t one day uncover its true meaning.

    Listen, this is bonkers. No one is owed a wave. No one is falling in love via wave. This lady needs to relax — waving is one hundred percent inconsequential.

    Having not boned up on tenant/landlord law recently, I don’t know if this ask is legal. It feels like we already came to an agreement on what is and is not okay to flush, and the answer was toilet paper. To limit that already very small category is to infringe on the rights of people who want to take something gross and get rid of it instantly.

    Look at this evocative little cartoon! I mean, the logic is nonsense — no pet owner is going to lose their dog to a hawk and follow the chain of supply back to the guy who didn’t take out his trash — but still, these drawings are great.

    This passive-aggressive note-leaver did not take the time to do his research on what does and does not count as being handicapped, and this veteran let him have it.

    Either this guy is lying and is too afraid to take responsibility for his actions, or his wife really did park poorly and he’s not willing to stand up for her. Either way, that marriage ain’t gonna last.

    Who doesn’t want to color in a turtle? That’s just about the cutest afternoon I can imagine. And if it so happens to make you a better parker, then all the better!

    No one likes to bring up other people’s bedroom activities, but if you’ve got to get some sleep, it might have to be done. At least this second set of neighbors have a sense of humor about it.

    This is one of my favorite notes, if only because it starts out vaguely passive-aggressive (“weird because it happens to fit into one space”) and then suddenly, violently, becomes as aggressive as a note can be (“Go home and rethink your entire life”). It is truly exhilarating to read!

    Imagine hearing the joyful sound of a child’s laughter and thinking, “I have to put a stop to this.” That some supervillain thinking right there. We’re talking Cobra Commander-level evil.

    If you’ve ever been in a band, you know it can be a harrowing thing. You show up, play your instrument, hope your bandmates — and, one day, other people — like what you’re doing. So to read the word “band” in quotation marks? Well, that’s gonna kill any ambition one can ever muster. I hope this note-writer is happy about crushing this guy’s dreams.

    I hate to point this out, but this note-writer could’ve thrown a barbecue too. That makes me think this isn’t really about friendship, and is much more about getting free spare ribs and Hawaiian rolls.

    Quick, dirty, and to-the-point. You can this note was written by someone who had to express themselves but also had to get right back to their cellular biology textbook.

    Has this note-writer ever heard of the importance of first impressions? There is no way this new neighbor will ever think of them as anything more than a nosy, stick-up-their-butt, type-A worrywart. They will not be invited to the barbecues, and they will not get any spare ribs or Hawaiian rolls.

    Many, many worries.

    This note could have read “I have abducted a person and am holding them captive in my apartment. Do not call the police or you will be next” and it would’ve been less creepy. At least that note would’ve been honest.

    See, this is the kinds of note I can get behind! It’s clever, it’s direct, and most importantly, it’s short. Who’s got time to sit and read an insane man’s rage-fueled scrawl?

    A lot of vans have gotten an unfair stigma about them, just because a couple of creepy guys in the ’80s made it known that vans were their murder vehicle of choice. But today, some people just get vans because they have a lot of space! Van judgment needs to end!

    I can’t tell if this note is going after these pumpkins because they were getting moldy or if it’s an attack on the artistic choices made while these pumpkins were being carved. If it’s the former, sure, I get it. Pumpkins are smelly. But if it’s the latter? Well then buddy, let’ see you carve a Friday the 13th hockey mask into a pumpkin free-hand!

    You never want to attack someone just because their spelling sucks — we all make mistakes, rihjt? — but here, the spelling is a sign of something much deeper; much worse. To so cavalierly suggest the solution to the problem is to “get rid of him or her” is patently absurd. Get rid of a dog? No! Get rid of you, you creep!

    I’m not surprised this kind of form exists. I am, however, surprised there’s even a space to put down a name, since the type of people who leave these sorts of notes are generally not the type of people who are brave enough to ditch their anonymity. If they’re comfortable giving their names, why aren’t they comfortable just having a conversation?

    This. This is the one. The passive-aggressive note that broke me. It’s so condescending. So cutesy. So smarmy. Obviously this dude should be picking up after his dog. But after getting this note, he’d be well within his rights to hurl everything that dog secretes into this girl’s window for the rest of her life.

    I read a note like this, and instead of getting angry at the couple for yelling, I’m just like, “How do they stay up that late to argue? I fell asleep at 10 last night trying to feed my baby while she was crying.”

    Here we see what’s known as “the nuclear option” — this guy was angry enough to write on the dog owner’s actual house. Unlike the rest of the notes we’ve seen here, you can’t just crumple up and ignore your house.

    Honestly, the passive-aggressive notes are a lot more irritating than the aggressive-aggressive notes.

    Say you’re the guy with drums in your apartment. First of all, are you a psychopath? But second of all, what are you supposed to do after getting these two notes? No matter what you do, you’re going to be making at least one neighbor sad. Unless that second note is sarcastic? And, again, since literally only a psychopath would ever play drums in an apartment, that must be considered.

    I can’t tell if this dude is legitimately mad, or if he’s just jokingly saying “hey, put up more Christmas lights, you’re doing great.” Throwing in the offer for a beer at the end threw this whole note into question! I don’t even know what’s real anymore!

    See, this note without the sudden capital letters? Totally fair. But this note with all those capital letters? It reads like it was written by an insane person who has no idea how to control the level of their voice.

    Imagine getting this note and going, “aww, look at how cute the little elephant is!” and then realizing… “Honey… is… is the elephant me?” No way does that guy not immediately go to the bathroom, wash his face, look at himself in the mirror, and then shatter it with his fist, wondering what he has become.

    And this use of “quotes” are to let you know he’s not that “serious” about the “apology” and that basically you’re SOL unless you “invest” in some ear plugs.

    Weed plant? Ha, no, I didn’t take a weed plant. No, I took that nice fern that you had growing. No weed here. Nope.

    Actually, not just your elders. I wouldn’t recommend homicide and dismemberment of any person or thing, to be honest.

    A few of options here. Either they’re a) planning a high school prank of TPing the neighborhood b) suffering great intestinal distress or c) they’re an as*hole.

    While they get points for rage, they get a deduction on spelling. Back to waiting for the Great Pumpkin, I guess.

    It’s hard to look right at you baby, But here’s my number, So maybe move your car before I make you listen to more of this song.

    Four days, people. FOUR DAYS! Just consider those 20 extra steps your cardio for the day. You’re welcome (in advance.)

    The WHOLE building will chip in for therapy next. Seriously, if they’re writing a note at 2 a.m., something isn’t right.

    As a courtesy, please just try to deal with that whole “haunted spirit world” thing during the week a wee bit more quietly.

    What happens when you ignore the neighbor’s request to pick up cigarette butts that he says are yours. Exhibit B: See above.

    “Now what the…? Marge, get out here! The moon is out early tonight!”

    To clarify, he’s is not in love with you, but he was sleep deprived. Don’t take it personally.

    Again, they’re just thoughtfully looking out for your pets and their questionable evening hobbies. An elephant never forgets.

    And if by chance that happens, can we have it back if you do? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

    Be considerate, people. Mr. Sox is obviously going through something and doesn’t need you to encourage bad behavior.

    Not just awesome, but wicked awesome! Who wouldn’t be envious of that? Wait, that would be everyone in the building. Good luck with that.