These Overheard Uber Conversations Deserve a 5-Star Rating

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There are a lot of things in the world that make life more convenient. Ice dispensers that are built into your fridge. Those coiled shoelaces. Online shopping.

One of my favorite modern-day conveniences is Uber (and other ride-sharing apps). It’s so nice to be able to get to wherever you need to go without having to worry about parking or having a designated driver. I’ll be honest — sometimes, I take an Uber so I can have some time to sit back and relax without having to be focused on traffic.

Ubers are also great places to hear some pretty hilarious things. If you’ve ever taken an Uber Pool (which is essentially a ride-sharing carpool), you’ve probably met a few new people and heard some very interesting things. As it turns out, there’s an entire Instagram account dedicated to sharing the hilarious things people overhear in an Uber. It’s called @overhearduber, and they’re worth a follow! Here are some of their most hilarious posts.

“Babe.”

I appreciate the first guy asking for permission before FaceTiming Carly! Let’s hope he took the hint.

Sneaky!

There’s nothing more frustrating than seeing that someone has updated their Instagram story when you don’t want them to know you’ve seen it. You’d think someone could have helped this person out!

Not worth it.

Ubers are definitely convenient, but you never know what dangerous situations you can be stuck in when you join a Pool. Like this one.

Unexpected answer.

When you get right down to it, we’re all trying to get that bread. Even those of us who are mere children. (It might be literal bread in that case.)

You mean it?

I’m simultaneously sad that this person has never received this compliment before, and very happy that they finally did and I got to read about it.

As you wish.

Don’t pretend like you haven’t had full-on conversations with Siri before. What? Just me?

That’s a bold move.

Let me just clear this up for anyone wondering: The last thing this world needs is another man promoting his own podcast. Give it a rest, guys.

Help!

I hope this guy was able to get some help! Surely, someone must have had love spell experience, right?

Not worth it.

Hey, you have to protect that rating at any cost. Hope he had a nice walk.

Sorry for crying.

If crying in the back seat kept me from having to make awkward conversation with my Uber driver, I might have to give it a try. As long as it doesn’t affect my rating, obviously.

Take two!

Not only does this person deserve a lower rating; I’m also going to find their YouTube channel and “dislike” every video. Come on. Not in an Uber.

What’s your sign?

All I’m saying is that you can not believe in astrology and still know what your sign is. Typical Slytherin.

Please don’t hate me.

On the other hand, you are responsible for the people you allow to use your Uber account. If your friends can’t be chill, maybe you deserve a lower rating.

This is a tragedy.

Everyone knows that your vote does not count unless you post a selfie of your sticker on social media. That’s democracy.

Am I invisible?

In my opinion, this woman made the grave mistake of disturbing the silence. I hope everyone continued to be silent after she asked this question.

Can I borrow your phone?

I know I was in support of the person trying to view their ex’s Instagram story with a borrowed phone, but this may be where I draw the line. True love will have to wait until you get home to your computer.

Lovely flowers!

I’m not sure there is a bouquet extravagant enough to deliver that news gently. Best of luck in Bali, though.

So blue!

Is this compliment a little wild? Yes. But you know exactly the color this person is talking about, don’t you? So I guess it’s also effective.

Truth.

You’d better hope you don’t need a ride during peak hours. That surge pricing will take your relationship to the next level very quickly.

How sweet!

You get gifts for going through a midlife crisis?! Sign me up!

Injuries.

Hey, we’ve all been there. Those lip kits can be brutal.

Music preferences.

“…And I LOVE it! This is all I want to listen to for the rest of my life!”  

Just breathe.

Is it just me or does this sound like the start of a romantic comedy?  

Your tribe has spoken.

I think a lot of situations could be improved with a voting system like the one on Big Brother. Work meetings. Group projects. Parties. Now that I think of it, I think there are very few situations that wouldn’t be improved with a voting system like the one on Big Brother.

Group chat.

No. No, they don’t.

Moses!

These two people were meant to meet at this exact moment in life. Is this also a rom-com?

How lucky!

It’s true. There really are all types of people in an Uber Pool.  

Time is subjective.

On the one hand, time is technically one of those things that is not up for interpretation. On the other hand, we have all felt like this at one point or another, right?

This is me.

Ah! My Uber soulmate! I’d love to sit in total silence with this person. Any time.

What’s that smell?

Your clumsiness really paid off in this case! Unfortunately, it’ll probably be hard to recreate that scent. Share this with someone who won’t tank your Uber rating!