Look. I’m not a doctor. But I do have a basic understanding of female anatomy. Partially because I happen to be a woman, and partially because I had a relatively decent education.
However, I regret to inform you that there are a lot of people on this planet who seem to have things wrong when it comes to the female body. Like, so wrong that it’s actually kind of surprising that they have made it to adulthood with such a twisted understanding of what goes on beneath the skin.
Their misunderstanding is often caused by a combination of a lack of education, their (unfortunate) embarrassment of the human body and all it entails, or straight-up misogyny. It’s a real bummer! But at least it makes for hilarious interactions on the World Wide Web. Here are some of the most egregious mistakes that have ever been made when it comes to talking about female anatomy on the Internet.
(Heads up: This gallery contains images and language that, depending on where you work, may be NSFW. Proceed at your own discretion.)
This is why women pass gas:
Ladies, have you met your daily methane emission goals?
Just checking! Don’t let the human race down.
I’m pretty sure that is not how pregnancy works.
One week later?!
Nah, my dude. I’m pretty sure that woman has the stomach flu.
(Also, ew about “smashes.” She’s a person; not a Like button.)
Haircut while pregnant.
Oof! 29 comments– you just know that’s some good reading.
I hope people set her straight and this mama-to-be got the best haircut of her life!
“Around the ear?”
I can’t explain exactly why, but this made me laugh so hard.
(And then cry a little bit.)
Can’t find a source, huh?
I wonder why he’s struggling to find a source for this story which clearly, obviously, definitely happened in real life*.
*Never happened. Ever.
Men! Stop!
I know there’s nothing more annoying than spending an hour on the toilet, waiting for the pee to make itself through my labyrinthine innards.
Sometimes I have to skip lunch!
My breasts are down here, thank you very much.
Sure, some people have nipples that are higher up on the chest than other people’s.
No one’s nipples are located there, though.
Did you know?
Shh. Nobody tell him that all human bodies contain a lot of hormones.
It’s more fun this way.
This one is painful.
How dare women be human!
It’s so unattractive!
Oh, honey.
Can you imagine a period that lasted forever?!
(If you are someone who thought periods lasted forever, you’re welcome for this post. Now you know.)
Pretty sure you’re forgetting something.
I also like that the eyeballs are highlighted here.
Please do not poke women in the eyeballs.
It’s exactly the same thing.
Hey, guys?
I don’t want to get too blue or anything, but if you think the act of sexual intercourse is similar to inserting a small piece of dry cotton into the vaginal canal, you may want to reconsider your technique.
What.
Think for just a single second.
Have you ever seen a woman’s breasts move like that? Of course, you haven’t.
“Women’s skin works different than men’s skin.”
I once used men’s shaving cream to shave my legs and my legs just fell clean off!
True story.
Ew. No.
This horrible image manages to body shame pretty much every person on the planet!
It’s actually impressive.
Sweatpants don’t work like that.
Oh, he knew.
He was just looking for a way to turn the conversation to genitalia. Class act.
That’s pregnancy for ya!
A lot of people don’t know this, but fetuses don’t grow at all during pregnancy.
They just become more detailed.
I would really, honestly love for someone to explain to me how armpit hair could possibly be a health hazard.
Is someone licking this teacher’s armpit?!
This one is just amazing.
You can’t get kidney stones if you don’t have kidneys, and we all know that women don’t have kidneys. Or lungs. Or livers.
That’s just something we all know about women.
“No, it doesn’t.”
It doesn’t matter.
It has never mattered.
Just another unreasonable standard for women’s bodies.
Let’s sing together!
“The pelvic bone’s connected to the arm bone! Just kidding; they’re not connected at all! This is a disaster!”
Every three weeks.
Bless this person for at least knowing about pads and menstrual cups.
But yeah. Swapping a tampon out once a month? No.
Sticky pads.
Just the idea of a double-sided sticky pad made me cringe.
I can’t keep thinking about it. Let’s move on.
What a great idea!
Ah-ha! That’s where you’re wrong!
As we’ve already established, we can’t force pee out. We have to wait for the pee to traverse our inside mazes.
“Control your bladder.”
There are obviously several issues with this person’s post, but the idea that controlling one’s bladder has anything to do with a period is just laughable.
WHAT IF, though?!
No, you cannot throw up your baby.
But be careful when you use the bathroom. Some babies are smarter than others and can find their way through your lady-maze along with your pee.
This person thinks periods are unnatural.
I’m curious about how men’s bodies cleanse themselves from a poor diet.
I would love to see the research on that.
It just stops.
LOL at “3–10 minutes.”
Like your uterus has a stopwatch. “She just got out of the water! Everybody, get ready to bleed in T-minus 3 minutes!”
At least he was too afraid to ask.
Yup. Babies can only be born in hospitals. Before hospitals were built, women just gave birth to fully grown adult humans.
Share this with someone who will get a kick out of these bizarre misunderstandings!
