We Can't Tell If These Things Are Funny or Awful to Say after Doin' It | 22 Words

Intimacy can be awkward. It only takes one weird sound, misplaced body part, or completely weird utterance to take an intimate moment and turn it into a hilariously awkward encounter. Honestly, it's kind of amazing that it's ever not awkward when you really think about it. But even after the actual act is done, there's still time for things to get weird.

A recent AskReddit thread asked people for their hilarious ideas of what to say after you do it in order to make it awkward. There were more than 17,000 comments, each one of them more hilarious (and yes, more awkward) than the last. Some people responded with actual awkward things they had actually said or been told, which just upped the cringe factor by about 1,000 percent.

Here are some of our favorite replies to the thread. Be sure to share your own in the comments!

It'll only take a minute.

Would you mind filling out this online survey?Ochib

Ouch.

Just last year, I took a guy's virginity (and didn’t know until after the fact), and he told me: “That didn’t feel as good as people make it out to be." Thanks, dude.sabrunka

Congrats!

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."ttulio

Big yikes.

I actually had a guy say, “If my parents could see me now..." ??‍♀️ –SeriousPillowfight

Context matters!

I was a teenager. We had just finished up in my car. And it wasn't great. We still hadn't figured it all out yet. I should mention this turned into a one-night stand. The location of the act was around the block from her house. I felt dirty afterward. Not a great feeling. We finish up and I turn the car on to drive her home. Now all this was going through my head. And while I was thinking about that, I accidentally blew a stop sign. So I say, out loud: "That was a mistake." But I SWEAR TO GOD I was talking about blowing the stop sign. This poor girl just hopped out my car and I never saw her again.my_trees

But who's counting?

11 seconds: that's a new record for you.Presneill

High five!

Slap her butt and say “good hustle!"Wesside333

Doesn't matter; had lunch.

I went over to a woman's house because she offered me a pack of ramen noodles. We did it and after I finished I said, "the things I do for a pack of noodles." I wasn't invited back.RowCdo

It's a...um...

While tying the condom. "I suck at making balloon animals."surreysmith

Oof.

“So, probably won’t want to do that again." - the girl who took my virginity, true story.Bangs420

*Wink*

One time a guy said “mission accomplished" and winked at me while doing finger guns.kanojojojo

Just asking.

Will you make us a coffee now, or are you incapable of doing that as well?GregorVogel

Answer: Yes.

Do you want a Capri Sun?sirschroering

Magical!

I once shouted “You’re a wizard, Harry!" as we finished.sleestak

Just being polite!

The first time I did it, I said: "thank you." The memory still sometimes makes me cringe late at night.weedful_things

"I've got the perfect song for this."

After the first time I did it with my wife (back before we were even dating), I immediately played "I Just Had S*x" by The Lonely Island. It took about a third of the song for her to start laughing, but we still laugh about it today. Looking back on it, I'm so mortified that I thought that would be funny.Knubinator

No words for this one.

Don't say anything. Just stand up and turn the lights on so they can see how far their standards have actually fallen.QuoOfStatus

Spooky.

"You were right that WAS fun!" Said while staring into the darkest corner of your room.Dashkrovsky

Oh NO.

I like to put my head by her belly, rub it, and say, "Now we wait 9 months."SloppyKitty

Take your pick.

Uber or Lyft?i_eight

Up top!

Had an ex I’d high five afterward. Did it out of habit with a rebound and she was so confused.blycj

Uh-oh.

Alexa, stop recording!ThreeArmedYeti

Warning: Do NOT say this.

That'll do, pig. That'll do.MadPig42

Harold?

You still under the bed, Harold?dzzi

Just wondering.

What was your name again?Sadhbh77

Would she, though?

Just gotta call my mum quickly. She'd love to hear about this.SlurpySlime

No offense.

I hope it's not always this disappointing.Nesomis

Goin' downtown.

"You're under arrest."lawrencekraussquotes

This is honestly hilarious.

I once printed out stickers that read "[My Nam just rocked your world" and hid them behind the headboard. When we finished, I grabbed a sticker and put it on her boob. It was funny.johnb440

Keep looking.

After the first time my girlfriend and I did it, she was looking for something at the side of the bed (probably pants or bra) but for some reason, I asked: "what are you looking for?" Her response made it awkward but was also hilarious. She said: "my dignity. I've just lost it."Ravenclawforsure

Bold strategy.

"Wow, I guess I do like older women." –Head-butt-man

So simple, yet so awful.

DAB. –EchoesIII

Pleasure doing business with you.

A while ago I hooked up with this girl who I had previously worked with. The lead up was very awkward as we both know new what was going to happen but weren't comfortable with each other. Eventually, we make it to my room... Afterward, she gets ready to go home and for some reason, I reach out and shake her hand goodnight. Like we just completed a business transaction.ferricfox

Is now really the best time for that?

Had a girl say, "You should come to church with me" in the middle of doing it. I was raised as an atheist. I've only been to church for weddings. We didn't even finish, we just had a really awkward conversation while she got dressed and left.User1539

Slippy, get back here!

I scream "Do a barrel roll!" and start rolling in bed.Meganitrospeed

Expecto patronum.

My girlfriend was still climaxing when she said "one million points to Gryffindor!" She's such a nerd.6foot8

I thought not.

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?Commander_Of_Lenny

For a souvenir!

Can I have the condom back?SG-Apophis

Oops.

"I've made a huge mistake."Meemo_Mj

We did it!

High five your private parts and say, "Good job little buddy!"another_one_bites459

Time to get serious.

"So... what are we?"mycatwinky

How about no?

How about: ​We need to talk.dreaming_futurity

Panic mode!

Wait where's the condom?meowmeowisathing

How about now?

Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?Hurricane1rma

Short. Simple. Straight to the point.

"NEXT!" –thetomahawk42

Let us pray.

“I have finished, Father, the work which Thou hast given me to accomplish!" Then cut your palm open and rub some of your blood on her forehead while chanting in Latin.beerbellybegone

Informative.

Start giving stats and random facts about STDs.thesupersoap33

Double ouch.

So, you couldn't think of anyone good either?randomerealitycheck

Amazing.

When I lost my virginity, as a dare from my friend, I did an impression of Wallace from Wallace and Gromit and said "Cracking romp, Gromit!" with a cheesy grin. We broke up.BudgetWolverine

Hooray!

"This officially brings an end to one of the darkest periods in American history."wileyrocketcenatur1 Share this with someone who loves awkward situations!