Trying to open a bottle of beer without an opener?
Well, get that bottle out of your mouth RIGHT NOW because we have some information that will change everything you thought you knew about drinking in public.
This is not a drill, people!
World, meet your newest hero.
This is Patrick Dalton, a resident of London who describes himself on Twitter as an "Author/Photographer/Nerd". Speaking of his Twitter account, we'd suggest checking it out, because it's filled with some pretty bizarre stuff that Dalton has captured during his travels. Like, for example, a hummus shop that also sells creepy porcelain dolls. A natural combination, right?
@niallgavinuk See https://t.co/lX6uY2UpIY— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510166745.0
He published his first book, Shit London: Snapshots of a City on the Edge, in 2011.Since then, he's also published three more: Rude London: Snapshots of a City with Its Pants Down, Shit London 2: Even More Snapshots of a City on the Edge, and Shit New York: Snapshots of the City that Never Sleeps – Caught Napping.
Take, for instance, this rare sighting.
A cat managing a bird shop? That's a recipe for disaster. Also, the sign includes a small footnote that states "NO PICTURE TAKING ALLOWED," so Dalton took a pretty big risk snapping this photo.
Who left the cat in charge?? https://t.co/3YRsxLik0x— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510244376.0
And this is just sad.
Let's hope that the residents of these apartments are too far gone to realize the rather insulting name. Although I guess it could be worse. At lease they didn't call them "Last-Stop-Before-Death Apartments." That would have crossed the line.
This could've been worded better... https://t.co/PQdMujuC4t— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510657276.0
But the reason Dalton is being hailed as a hero has nothing to do with his books.
It's a frustrating position to be in, to say the least.
Dalton, however, came up with something genius.
This "life hack" involves pressing the bottle cap into a groove in the ceiling of the train until it pops open. *MIND BLOWN.*
Just discovered an @SouthernRailUK life hack! https://t.co/UYkX4YEA0R— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510609271.0
Needless to say, Dalton was pretty proud of his discovery.
In case you don't know who Ray Mears is, he's an English woodsman and instructor who's written several books and made TV appearances teaching his survival techniques. Looking to learn how to bushcraft? We recommend his book Essential Bushcraft.
@SouthernRailUK I feel like MacGyver or Ray Mears right now.— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510609335.0
Dalton later downplayed his achievement to "The Fonz" level, which is no less impressive.
This is exactly the type of trick Fonzie would show off to the crew on Happy Days. Possibly while jumping a shark.
@SouthernRailUK I'm going to dial that back to 'The Fonz', I was over excited.— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510609650.0
Not surprisingly, Twitter was in awe of Dalton's smart thinking under pressure.
"Bloody genius!" said user Fliss Denham. "Now we all know
@shitlondon @SouthernRailUK You're not working hard Patrick, you're working smart— B² (@B²)1510609912.0
Sadly, the story had a bit of a bittersweet ending.
But it's a small price to pay for discovering something so life-changing. Wait, is drinking even allowed on public transportation?
@SouthernRailUK Left the train to discover I've lost one of the rubber bits from my earphones. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.— Patrick Dalton (@Patrick Dalton)1510610892.0