This Is What Happens When You Ask Your English Prof How to Ask a Girl Out

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It’s tough out there in the dating world. Especially these days, what with all the Tinder swiping and the Insta-stalking and Bumbling — it’s enough to make you contemplate becoming a hermit, right? Luckily, there are some people out there who have all the answers. They’re called professors.

He asked his professor for help. Now, most professors encourage students to come to their office hours to discuss papers and the like. But once Moreno explained his dating predicament, his professor was thrilled to be able to help him out.

Moreno’s professor explained the delicate balance between the three modes of persuasion: ethos, pathos, and logos. Ethos is an appeal to ethics, or an attempt to convince audiences of the speaker’s character. According to Moreno’s diagram, his ethos argument is that he’s a nice guy looking for a friendly outing who is “kind of cool sometimes.” Logos is an appeal to logic, or an attempt to convince audiences using logic or reason. Moreno reasoned that a date means free food and a break from work. Genius! Pathos is an emotional appeal. Moreno’s pathos argument? “It will be fun!”  

And it worked! Hannah agreed to the date. Of course, how could she have resisted? It was the most persuasive and logical pickup of all time.

Also, they fingerpainted the sunset?! Why did Moreno say he had zero skills? It certainly seems like he knew what he was doing. Unless he asked his art professor for date activity ideas…

Hm, ethos, logos, and pathos, you say? Interesting. If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of hundreds of students signing up for a philosophy course.