Tweets From Parents of Newborns That Are Way Too Real | 22 Words

Listen, you can read all the books you want as you prepare to begin your life with a newborn baby. You can prep and collect advice and buy all the latest baby devices. But no one knows what it is actually like to live with an infant better than parents of infants themselves. Luckily, many of them have Twitter, and they are not afraid to use it!

These parents are at their wits' end because having a newborn is no picnic (seriously, get all your picnicking in now because once you have a baby, you will not be able to go have a peaceful picnic in the park ever again). What better platform to air your grievances and get super real and honest about what it is like to have a newborn baby than Twitter? So get ready to cry and laugh and poop your pants (only if you are the baby of the family) when you read these tweets.

Parents these days have it tough.

Having a small human being in your possession who cannot take care of themselves is quite a challenge. Let's see what these parents have to say about living with a newborn.

The word "newborn."

Ah yes, that sounds about right. In other languages, it translates to, "AHHHLAKSFHJDSLANDGVOPED."

Desmond from LOST

Well, both of those situations sound like an absolute nightmare. At least babies are softer and cuter than buttons.

To-do list

Seriously, though, I have wondered how you actually take a shower when you are home alone with a tiny infant. Don't they need 24/7 care?

Costco membership

Do you know how many diapers you're going to have to buy when you have an infant? Yeah, you need a Costco membership.

Googling everything

Oh, no. I already do this about my own body and my dog's body. I don't know that my phone will be able to handle any more googling.

"You got this?"

No, ma'am, I don't have this. Sometimes I wear my pajamas all day because I'm too lazy to put on a real outfit. I am not ready to be a parent.

Thirds

Hey, if you look at it this way, it's really pretty simple. Of course, it's exhausting and terrifying. But it's simple.

Nothing better

Even celebrities like Ryan Gosling can't handle life with a newborn. Isn't that encouraging? Or is that the opposite of encouraging?

The Sistine Chapel

There should be an award show like the Oscars for new parents every year where they are celebrated for feats like this. Only they don't have to dress up or go anywhere.

Crying baby

Parents should be able to do this like, once a day. Just hand your baby off to someone and go sit by yourself for a little while.

No more screaming

She still hears the lambs screaming, long after they've been silenced. That sound is burned into your brain.

Vomit roulette

I think parents underestimate the amount of vomit you'll have to deal with when you have kids. As someone who gags even thinking about vomit, this is the thing I'm looking forward to the least.

Secret talent

What a coincidence! That's my secret talent, too! Just kidding guys.

Basic math

With all that sleep you're losing, it's a wonder you can still do things like feed your kid and change their diaper. Take the win. Math will come back later.

Weak spot

Babies are like magnets to the most dangerous thing in the room that you didn't even know was there.

It takes a village

When you have a kid, you're going to need help. Do not hesitate to ask for it.

Nap time

Oh, you think the universe won't conspire against you to ruin your baby's nap? Think again, brand new parent!

Newborn laundry

Just give up. Just put your baby in a onesie covered in spit-up and call it a day. That's all you'll be able to do.

The baby lick

Babies become the best crumb catchers! That's like, all they're good at for the first year of their life.

Good baby

No baby is a good baby. They all cry and are supremely gross and weird. If yours robs banks, though, that's a whole other level.

Eye of the hurricane

It's so true. A nap is just the calm point in the middle of a harrowing, neverending storm.

Poop

I will say that the amount that my fiancé and I already talk to each other about poop has probably prepared us for this aspect of parenting. TMI?

Swaddling skills

At least you have the acquisition of this life skill to look forward to when you have a baby! It's a very important skill.

Father's Day

Hey, relish it. Someday, you'll have to call her to remind her that it's Father's Day.

Breastfeeding

When you have a newborn, they eat constantly. I wish adults could eat and eat and then cry if we're not eating.

Screaming

This is true. Next time your newborn screams, try screaming along! Team screaming is a great way to bond with your baby.* *I just made this up, but it sounds good.

Perfect newborn

You might think you have the cutest baby in all the land, but let me tell you: They all look like frogs. Cute frogs, but frogs.

Different flavors

Did you know that if your partner does this to you, you can legally punch them in the face? I just made this up, but it's definitely true.

Definition of "baby"

Sounds about right. Share this with any almost-parents or new parents in your life!