This Joke Twitter Shares Completely Fabricated Facts About Whales, and It's Too Funny | 22 Words

Do you like whales? Whatever your answer is, you are about to like them so much more. @AWhaleFact is about to be your new favorite Twitter account. There are a lot of jokey Twitter accounts out there, but every once in a while, one of them steps...or rather, swims...away from the pack. Whalefact shares facts about whales, as its name suggests, but they are not the kind of facts that you would read in scientific books. They are more intuitive facts, things that whales might not feel like they can share about themselves, about their inner lives, about their feelings.

In short, this account is filled with made-up nonsense about whales that happens to be absolutely hilarious and charming and adorable. Apparently, the account was started by two guys named Dan and Preston in mid-2018, and it's already grown in popularity so much that their tweets are now merchandise that you can purchase to help save the whales. The real whales.

Whales are great.

They are huge, peaceful animals floating along in the ocean bothering no one and looking majestic. Are you ready to learn more about these wonderful creatures?

Pretty good swimmers

I'll say! This one was made into a t-shirt, so you can buy one and support the whales if you are so inclined.

Whale CEOs

It seems like this is a classic case of whale discrimination in the workplace. This is unacceptable in 2019.

Your greatest weakness

This implies that whales are smart enough to know exactly what your greatest weakness is. They're just not mean enough to expose it.

After death

Whales are wise creatures, but even they don't know everything there is to know about the world. And that's OK.

Bowel movements

I believe it! Have you seen whales?! They're huge! They must also have huge poops. Not something you think about every day.

Arguments

If you know anything about whales, you know that they are great communicators. They know how to argue productively.

Magic whales

I don't know what secret organization is keeping whale magicians from revealing themselves, but whale magicians deserve better.

Kindness and respect

Just like any person or any other living creatures, all you need to do to gain a whale's trust is to be kind and respectful.

Whale parachute

Do you know who else would die? The whale! Don't do this, folks.

License to krill

Whales don't need a license to krill, but @AWhaleFact definitely needs a license for those puns because they are TOO HOT.

New Years resolutions

I love this. Whales are just trying to do their best. They always are. They don't need to set goals at the beginning of the year.

The moon

Why would they? They're mostly underwater for their entire lives. They don't have to care about the moon.

Belittle

Get it? Everyone be little compared to a whale! But whales are too nice to be mean to anyone.

Cavities

I believe it! They have so many teeth, but they don't do much chewing, so it makes sense.

Smiles

This is so true. You don't know what a whale is going through. Also, they have very large mouths and it takes them a long time to smile.

Roller coasters

It's a sad truth about the world we live in. Roller coasters are biased against whales. Mostly because the vast majority of them are not underwater.

Kidnappers

Whales are not kidnappers, period. When the Pinocchio thing happened, they got a bad rap. But it's not true.

Evidence suggests

They do. Whales really do be that big. There's not much more to say on the topic.

Fistbump

This is not because whales are aggressive, but because even the slightest tap from a whale will send you flying hundreds of feet.

Below sea level

It's partly because they're below sea level but also partly because whales are just really nice creatures.

That way

I don't know what to tell you. Whales are just sometimes like that. You should accept whales the way they are.

Feeling small

Awww. Whales may be big in size, and they may have huge hearts, but they still feel insecure every once in a while.

Car accidents

This is mostly due to the fact that whales are in water and cars do not drive through the water. I know. It's complicated.

Mitch

It's not that whales are against the name Mitch. It's just that there has never been a whale that really looked like a Mitch.

Try to learn

Whales are very reflective creatures. They will always try to learn from their mistakes. You should be like a whale.

Laundry

Ugh, this makes me wish that I was a whale. Whales never have to do laundry if they don't want to! Living the dream!

Commas

As a grammar aficionado, I say, "That's OK." Whales don't need to know how to use commas. They're perfect the way they are.

Where it came from

They say that elephants never forget, but we should throw whales in there too. Whales always remember their home.

Not perfect

Whales, like people, are not perfect, and that's OK. Share this with someone to make their day!