Gather 'round, everyone. I'm going to share a story that will make you laugh, and cringe, and be so, so thankful that it didn't happen to you.
When you're in a relationship, it's pretty normal to exchange gifts with your significant other. For most people, that might mean getting them a copy of your favorite book, or maybe buying a random object you came across that made you think of them.
But some people take things to another level and choose to get their significant other a novelty item that toes the line between "silly" and "sexy." You know, like fuzzy handcuffs. Or, as in the case of today's story, a pair of singing underwear. Now, you might be thinking: "Who would buy someone singing underwear? There are so many ways that could go wrong!"
And, well, my friend, you're exactly right about that.
You may want to put down your coffee before reading ahead.I now present to you the tragically hilarious tale of The Surprise Singing Underwear. (Read at your own risk.)
Our story comes from a woman who received singing underwear from a boyfriend.
When I was about 20, an ex boyfriend bought me a pair of panties that said “Wild Thing” on the crotch. I didn’t wea… https://t.co/reHu5BOkuE— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544554689.0
And it happened.What happened, you ask? Well...you'll see.
Her underwear started singing.
🎶 Wild thing, you make my heart sing You make everything groovy, wild thing Wild thing, I think I love you🎶 This p… https://t.co/bm0yFKLteQ— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544554734.0
Just take a second to picture this scenario.I've experienced a lot of things that the dentist, but I can say with 100 percent confidence that I've never experienced anything quite as...erm, wild as the dulcet tones of The Troggs' No. 1 hit blaring from my dental hygienist's crotch.
She tried her best to play it off.
I knew immediately that it was my panties, as the song that was blaring from my vagina was written on my panties. I… https://t.co/erPR2ptA2G— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544554822.0
Honestly, the ringtone excuse was pretty smart.I admire her quick thinking. However, I highly doubt either the patient or the dentist believed the explanation.
She ran into the bathroom and ripped the offending underwear off.
I could tell the patient, whose head was practically in my lap, sensed it wasn’t a ringtone. My dentist told me I h… https://t.co/KHaLn4kwfc— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544554897.0
But for real, this story is wrecking me.I've been embarrassed plenty of times! But somehow, none of those stories are quite as bad as this one.
And that was the end of that pair of underwear.
Only time I ever got less than an hour out of a pair of panties that wasn’t related to some sort of bodily fluids i… https://t.co/IzAPJd10Pd— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544555077.0
This story makes me want to curl up in a corner.Imagine having to walk back into the room with the patient and the dentist and just be like, "Oh yeah, that ringtone won't be bothering us again. Also, it was definitely a ringtone and definitely not a pair of underwear that randomly started singing. Because that would be so weird, right?"
At least she can laugh at it now, though.
Anyways, I’ve told this story routinely to my friends the last 12 years or so and I figured it was time I told it o… https://t.co/ZdRqtYG7PD— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544555241.0
Kudos to this woman for sharing her story!I love that she can look back and laugh. And that she's willing to share it with others to make them laugh, too!
She closed her story with a message for the ex-boyfriend.
Adam, we broke up ages before this incident occurred but I hope you’ve never given another woman musical panties be… https://t.co/ee6VA9DInm— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544555435.0
Like, seriously.I'm trying to think of a single situation in which a pair of singing underwear could possibly be cute or fun and I'm coming up blank. If you do decide on a gift of singing underwear, at the very least, please give your partner a heads up.
Because this is the Internet, there were plenty of people who doubted the story.
To those of you who say this never happened, I don’t really care. I know it did and I’m cool with knowing that.— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544558034.0
Plenty of people asked why she didn't realize the underwear sang.
People asking me how I didn’t know beforehand are picturing a thong with a boom box attached to it or something and… https://t.co/sHANm12I5w— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544647332.0
Also, it's not like the underwear had gigantic speakers attached to them.
How would you get surround sound speakers on a product that doesn’t even have a butt cover?— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544647375.0
Although they did have oddly thick seams, apparently.
The seams did feel oddly thick when I put it on. When I removed it, there was like a watch battery, a VERY SMALL bu… https://t.co/DgJ8pJ86DA— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544647518.0
This person had a pretty good point:
@xLiserx “Thanks for the underwear I can never wash.”— Raymond Felton Spencer Haywood Jefferies (@Raymond Felton Spencer Haywood Jefferies)1544653512.0
Regardless, you'll never be able to hear the song the same way again.
@xLiserx OMG I'm dying 😂😂😂 and I'll never hear that song the same way again! (But kudos to you for that quick-think… https://t.co/x19m2O2gW3— Haley (@Haley)1544555740.0
Luckily, this whole thing went down when cell phones were around.
@GrupGirl Man, it was 2005 or 2006. I had a very old flip phone because they hadn’t been out long. No idea what I’d… https://t.co/g3otkuUDZR— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544555812.0
People started sharing their own stories of unfortunately musical clothing.
@xLiserx Love it! Got a pair of Happy Birthday to You socks that went off at a funeral once but your pants are top!— Destry (@Destry)1544561736.0
And this woman had her own embarrassing underwear story:
@ThenJoSaid @xLiserx Been there with embarrassing knickers! After a c-section I had a really bad internal infection… https://t.co/tV0uueQvWX— Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan (@Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan)1544562024.0
She asked her husband to pack her a bag.
@ThenJoSaid @xLiserx At this point I had just been readmitted so my hubby went & packed me a bag. I specifically as… https://t.co/7T54up3bg4— Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan (@Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan)1544562242.0
The underwear were black...
@ThenJoSaid @xLiserx They were black - but were hipsters & emblazoned right across the front in HUGE glittery writi… https://t.co/Eg6fwTdZlA— Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan (@Leni WEAR A GODDAMN MASK Morgan)1544562564.0
Overall, Twitter was thrilled with the thread of embarassing underwear stories.
@xLiserx Welp, didn't expect to be shooting coffee out of my nose this afternoon. You rule.— Kyle (@Kyle)1544558317.0
We also all learned a very valuable lesson, today.Gifts for your significant other: Yes! Gifts for your significant other that include clothing that sings: NO!
Some people also wanted the original patient to show up and tell his side of the story.For all we know, he probably regales his friends with the time his dental hygienist's crotch started serenading him in the middle of a cleaning!
The woman in the story was game to hear from him, too.
@jaypeegear It was a man who was about 50 and it was 2006. I would LOVE it if he was on twitter! 😂— Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦 (@Lisa 🏳️🌈🇨🇦)1544627726.0