Let's discuss negative self-talk. Plenty of people in this world have to fight their brain when it starts pushing in some uninvited thoughts. Negative self-talk is like the opposite of having a cheerleader; it's a voice, near-constantly talking, telling you all the things you can't do. With time, we make coping strategies to deal with the voice. But it sure isn't easy.
Negative self-talk is particularly common in people with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. In some cases, the negativity is like a constant warning bell, making it harder to do the things you need to do. Now, sometimes, the voice skips right over negative thought and goes right to being a bully. That kind of voice isn't the one this story refers to – dealing with an inner bully is a whole other ordeal. But let's talk about your basic negative self-talk: the anxious voice that makes everything seem a hundred times worse than it actually is.
Because one Twitter user came back from therapy with a pretty amazing new tool for dealing with her inner negative voice. Here's what she had to say!
Negative self-talk can be a huge problem.
It really is true that, in many cases, we're our own biggest saboteur. Even in times when the world is telling you yes, there's a little voice always telling you no.In the context of anxiety, it ramps up the fear.
Everything seems like it could so easily fail, or fall apart. The voice says, "don't do that, because if it doesn't work, you'll be worse off. Don't try, and you won't fail."Most people would agree that it gets old real fast.
But even once we've decided to fight back against that negative self-talk, there's still a question of how.Old habits die hard.
When you repeatedly do something, you can work yourself into a rut. And this is no different with negative self-talk. The longer it goes on, the more normalized it becomes, the more of a mental rut you'll be in. Digging yourself out of that rut takes serious work.So how do we do it?
Well, there are mental health experts with many different answers to that question. But for the moment, here's an amazing realization that one woman had with her therapist recently.Her therapist had an unorthodox suggestion.
therapist blew my mind again today by asking me to be ~nice~ to the negative voice in my head i said.. https://t.co/w2or1FcgYG— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547827791.0
Her inner voice sounds pretty difficult, after all.
so naturally im like okay but y tho? and she's like well, what is the voice telling you re: the particular sitch w… https://t.co/NxTqrkYz1X— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828337.0
But then her therapist asked a question.
so why on earth would i be nice to this hoe? she always in my business and makes everyday really effing hard, why s… https://t.co/dGkr6tqd6w— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828537.0
Here comes the epiphany!
and that was the breakthrough weebay.gif moment https://t.co/zYMNY9yqC6— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828675.0
So here's what she discovered:
so then i really thought abt that voice i realized that, in my particular instance, it's not.. mean. its negative,… https://t.co/0NavS0Zvhu— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828766.0
All the therapist had her do was put this voice into a different context.
she also had me say aloud what i would say to that voice so i imagine it as a real person and it just happens to be… https://t.co/KrYtVzYRvd— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828845.0
It's that simple.
but the voice isnt harsh; its soft and negative and convincing but it doesnt like, scream at me (anymore). i realiz… https://t.co/SHPQDtLEt6— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828928.0
Her therapist taught Tracy how to speak with her voice.
and she said okay, *now* what would you say to it? and i said 'hey, i appreciate what you're trying to do. i love… https://t.co/eXdZpaYHFU— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547828985.0
Every person has that fight-or-flight instinct.
and yall i just cried and cried and cried. the function of fear and anxiety--'normal' levels of fear & anxiety--is… https://t.co/qMKEEKyWjS— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829082.0
You don't have to forget, but you can try to forgive.
and then i thought back to all those times when my brain was keeping me from doing shit and yes it made me so mad a… https://t.co/oSFh6hnwR1— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829154.0
Look at it this way:
a little kid in the kitchen trying to make herself a bowl of cereal so she doesnt have to bother you with it. she m… https://t.co/gTkOJQHRtt— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829210.0
Notice the other part of Tracy's words.
and maybe you say 'i like that you wanted to help, but its okay to let me handle things sometimes! that's why im he… https://t.co/miFt3tDv2S— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829265.0
Here's why the alternative coping method isn't as helpful as you think:
and that's soooo different from 'okay, tracy, you need to ignore this voice. just ignore it, its lying to you. keep… https://t.co/5imdwzvGKV— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829351.0
In other words, you can get better without being at war with yourself.
bc IM the one who has to somehow conquer this voice that has been with me for years, and i have to find the strengt… https://t.co/nnvAN17gCb— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829420.0
That being said, everybody is different.
now this doesnt apply to everybody's experience, i know, but in case it resonates w someone i wanted to share it bc… https://t.co/EB8bK0o95m— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829463.0
Just ask yourself what's really happening when you hear a negative inner voice.
my brain isnt an asshole bent on my destruction. its just trying to help and doesnt know the right way to do that.— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829597.0
See how this works?
when i thought abt that i had sympathy for that voice? esp as a person obsessed w being cared for and protected by… https://t.co/xIdV7D7u4b— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829668.0
It's definitely an unlikely thing to feel sympathy towards.
so sympathizing with that negative side sounds crazy but is (hopefully will be) helpful. 'i know youre just trying… https://t.co/Vefrd6BT1w— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829870.0
So Tracy is going to make some changes.
im going to put a sign that says BE KIND TO THAT NEGATIVE VOICE' up somewhere i can see it everyday as a visual rem… https://t.co/kLVzEZsFDu— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547829922.0
The internet fell in love with Tracy's thread.
@brokeymcpoverty This makes soooo much sense. Thank you for sharing. Y'all who can afford/find a therapist you like… https://t.co/O0usMLpfAr— Thunderlicious (@Thunderlicious)1547830578.0
Some shared in Tracy's emotional response to this realization.
Everyone deserves to find understanding, and we need to understand ourselves to properly care for ourselves.As one person put it, this is a good first step.
@brokeymcpoverty This was a breakthrough for me as well. Also realized that the voice isn’t separate, it is me. My… https://t.co/S6suX5BkCb— Vera Miao (@Vera Miao)1547844411.0
And some people haven't reached Tracy's point of progress yet.
@kristenmchugh22 keep breathing and trying and you'll get there for sure ♥️ I'm rooting for you!— tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks (@tracy tracy bo bacey-hanks)1547834687.0
The thread reminded many people that they're not alone.
@brokeymcpoverty I’m working with my therapist to have compassion for those negative voices, too. It is HARD some d… https://t.co/JfA7fKqFfY— Elisia Saam-Quinty (@Elisia Saam-Quinty)1547845132.0