Motherhood is no joke.

Not only are you in charge of keeping little humans safe and fed, but you're also in charge of keeping little humans from jumping off furniture, redecorating the walls with markers, and bringing small woodland creatures into the house.

In order to survive it, you do need to have a good sense of humor. And these ladies here? They don't mess around or sugarcoat things. They're hilariously honest about being a mom, and thank goodness, they tweet it out.

Too Cool for School

Aren't there any more after-school activities you're interested in? Any more clubs that you could join?

Five Second Rule

That's okay. They build up an immunity that way.

Sleeping Beauty

Once upon a time... Just remember, "no" means "no."

Standing Tall

You can't argue with that logic. In fact, it's pretty on pointe...pun completely intended.

Mama Bear

And that Mama and Papa Bear sleep in separate beds? Maybe Baby Bear was the only thing keeping that family together...

Just Desserts

Lesson learned. Add "big bag of M&M's" to next week's grocery list.

A Clean Sweep

And about five more loads of laundry to do. But hey! At least the room is clean!

Sleeping In

What direction did it come from? Is anyone crying yet? No, okay, then give me 10 more minutes.

Coming Soon!

This is a sequel to the hits: You're Over 30 So Why Aren't You Married Yet and Everything About Your Wedding Wasn't the Way That I Would Have Done It.

Listen Up!

See? Didn't I tell you that would happen? Doesn't anyone listen around here?

Flipping Out

It's all about motivation, and thanks to that bottle of Merlot, she has successfully completed a quadruple back handspring, triple tuck roundoff, scoring a perfect 10 from the Russian judge. Multitasking!

Rock On

They've gone from I Spy to iPads, blissfully ignorant of the days when seemingly harmless objects of nature could be used as some sort of weapon.

Start Young

Maybe he's just biding his time... You don't want to peak too fast.

Story Time

But you have to hear about the simply amazing piece of grass they blew on to make a whistle...again and again and again. With full demonstration, of course.

Shower Time

Let's be honest. That's a bit more practical than what everyone else probably wrote down. It's five o'clock somewhere!

Spice It Up

To them, that probably feels like the same thing. Then again, at 2 a.m. who can be sure?

A Work of Art

Great! Another picture to put on the fridge! Better make room for that one by putting the others in that great recycle bin up in the sky...


The competition wasn't very steep for the designation, but yes, cradles falling out of trees doesn't exactly lull anyone into a peaceful night of rest.

Night Terror

Especially when they don't say anything... They just stand there kind of breathing and looking at you. Not so cute.

Flying High

You're worried enough to care, but really can't be bothered to watch their every move... That just sounds like a whole lot of work.

Phone Home

And just think of Little Red Riding Hood. They let their daughter hang out with a freaking wolf. You're doing fine.

A Stab At It

And he has to do it by himself. No help from you, mom and dad.

Leaf It Alone

Next thing you know he'll be handing out Werther's Originals and calling it "The Facebook." They really grow up so fast.

Eternal Optimist

It's not that they don't want to eat the apple. It's that they just want to take the apple for a field trip to and from school every day instead to give it a sense of adventure.

Mommy's Candy

Followed by a good chardonnay chaser and possibly scoop of ice cream or two. Let's just call it, "Mommy's Survival Kit."

Rules are Rules

No, it's not a rhetorical question. But it could be multiple choice.

Beer Me

Step 1: Remove shirt. Step 2: Get mom a beer. Step 3: Instantly lose interest in the LEGO project and move on to something else.

Secret Stash

Not to mention wet wipes and possibly wrapped straws too, just in case. You can never be too prepared, and hey, they're free!

Take a Seat

Then can I please get a complimentary bottle of wine to go with this bag of pretzels? Is that too much to ask?

Oh, the Irony.

As an adult you are afforded certain pleasures, like doing all the things you were told that you couldn't do as a kid. Like eating ice cream on the couch directly from the carton.

Game Time

Go to jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. However, you do collect some quiet time which is pretty much priceless.

What a Load

Like father, like son. None of them quiet figure out the mystery puzzle of how to actually fit all the dishes in there.


It's important that they learn these things early on. You have to keep the faith.

An Accurate Prediction

"Will someone magically show up and help me clean?" *Magic 8 Ball sighs and then laughs uncontrollably*


The first time is not a suggestion or starting point for negotiations. Don't make her bust out the Bat Signal.

Easy as Pie

What's in a name? A lot if you want to keep that pie all to yourself.


Touché, little one. Touché.