The thing about fast food, or "quick casual dining" if you're feeling fancy, is that most of the establishments are in fairly recognizable buildings. You know the pizza hut, the golden arches, and the big 'ol bucket that offers you fried chicken.
That's why when those business close up shop and move on with their lives a couple miles down the road, it makes sense for the incoming business to do something to kind of change up the look a bit. I'm not saying they have to completely renovate the place and start from scratch, but maybe put a little bit of effort into buying a new sign or something?
In other words, these buildings aren't fooling anyone...
You can bank on McDonald's.
via: ImgurThere's something very jarring about seeing a McDonald's set up shop in an old bank. But when you stop and think about it, it makes total sense. The building probably came with a drive thru, although sending hamburgers through those tubes might get a bit messy. And thanks to the old vault, the secret sauce has never been safer.
Did you have to pay a cover charge when this nightclub was a church?
via: ImgurA lot of people probably don't like the idea of using an old church as a night club. But let's not forget that Jesus turned water into wine. So he seems to be cool with alcohol. That said, he never turned anything into ecstasy or blow, so try and show some restraint.
Are they still dunking donuts inside?
via: ImgurI'm not sure if this place used to be an actual Dunkin' Donuts, or if the owners just decided to do a wholesale ripoff of the well-known chain's colors, font, and coffee cups. But either way, I'd be surprised if Dunkin' Donuts' corporate lawyers didn't send an angry letter or two.
A law office in a Taco Bell in case you want to sue for food poisoning.
via: ImgurPeter Francis Geraci, the lawyer whose name is on the front of this
The book is always better than the movie.
via: ImgurOn the one hand, this book store blatantly ripped off the logo for Blockbuster Video. On the other hand, no one born after the year 2002 even knows what the hell Blockbuster Video is. What's old is new again!
Yo quiero latte.
via: ImgurStarbucks and Taco Bell might not seem very similar. But Starbucks' coffee and Taco Bell's food actually have a lot in common. They're both from Latin America (sort of). They both involve beans. And they both tend to make me defecate forcefully and without warning. I should really work in fast-food marketing.
There's really not much of a difference...
via: ImgurThe only thing sadder than a Walmart parking lot is the parking lot of a Walmart that went out of business and was replaced by a flea market. Seriously, if Walmart is too expensive to stay in business in your town, it's time to get the hell out of Dodge.
Let's see. We're selling carpet out of a failed video store. Let's keep the Hollywood, baby!
via: ImgurWhen someone came up with the name "Hollywood Video," it made sense. That's because video stores rent movies (at least they used to), and movies tend to be made in and around Hollywood. Now, when someone else (who was very lazy) came up with the name "Hollywood Flooring," it didn't make as much sense, because Hollywood is not known for its flooring. Unless, of course, this place only sells large tiles engraved with big pink stars and celebrity names, in which case I stand corrected.
Or if carpet isn't your thing, how about some "herbs" instead?
via: ImgurRemember in the last slide when I made fun of "Hollywood Flooring" for being lazy? I'm not going to do that for "Hollywood Smokin'." Having been to Hollywood, I can attest to the fact that the whole place smells like weed and urine. So moving your smoke shop (or urinal store) into an old Hollywood Video isn't a bad move.
It was "Majestic" before. Pretty clever, guys.
via: ImgurI'm not sure why one sign reads "Majestic" while the other reads "Jamestic." It's possible that someone bought the place, and decided to swap two letters rather than pay for a whole new sign. It's also possible the place had a bunch of negative reviews on Yelp, and this is the owner's attempt at a fresh start. Either way, just drink a bunch of MD 20/20, and try not to worry about it.
And on the eighth day, the Lord said, "Wednesday we will honor double coupons."
via: ImgurAccording to Matthew 21:12-13, "Jesus went into the temple of God... and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers... and said unto them... 'My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.'" If that's how he reacted to moneychangers in the temple, just imagine what he'll do if he ever sees the condom aisle at this Tesco Express in an old church. He's going to flip his ####!
Go in for a taco, come out with a tickler.
via: ImgurThis used to be a Taco Bell. Now it's a sex shop. But at the end of the day, it's really hard to decide which business is responsible for more sore butts.
It's not Hollywood, but it's close enough.
via: ImgurWhen life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And when life gives you an old "Hollywood Video" store, make a crudely named sport's bar & grill. A male strip club or a trashy gay bar would also work, I guess.
That sign is SUPER convincing.
via: ImgurHow many people wandered in trying to buy fries before this place realized it needed to be a bit more professional in the signage department. Customer: "I'd like a Big Mac Value Meal with..." Cashier: "Can't you read the sign?" Customer: "Uh..."
Does that mean I can get Thai-spiced Kentucky Fried Chicken?
via: ImgurThis Thai restaurant set up shop in what is pretty clearly an old Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC, for the young ones). But while Colonel Sanders may be long gone, perhaps Colonel Kurtz will stop by.
Who needs burgers when you can go to the king for great fries?
via: ImgurTo be honest, this was just a promotional stunt that Burger King pulled a few years back. But in all fairness to this list, it is kind of lazy. I guess I just expect more from The King.
Can you watch a movie in this Walgreens?
via: ImgurApparently, there used to be a movie theater "at the corner of happy and healthy." And while it might look odd, get used it. At the rate the company is expending, it's only a matter of time before all storefronts are converted into Walgreen's.
The burger king has been taken over by the egg roll king. It was an epic battle.
via: ImgurThe Burger King is dead. Long live the egg roll king. Actually, it sort of looks like it might have been a Dairy Queen, rather than a Burger King. But either way, the former ruler has been overthrown.
Kentucky Fried DVDs.
via: ImgurI really have no idea what's going on here. But since the business model was built around selling DVDs, it's safe to assume that this monstrosity is gone now. So I guess it's irreverent.
What used to be a tire store is now a coffee shop. Seems legit.
via: Imgur"Firestone? Never heard of it. This is the Fine Store. And to answer your next question, no, I have no idea why it smells like rubber in here, so buy something or get out."
Get the "best buy" on your Halloween decor.
via: ImgurTemporary costume shops tend to pop up in vacant store fronts every October. And apparently, this out-of-business Best Buy store was deemed a worthy location to sell rubber Trump-masks and slutty-Disney Princess outfits.
No pizza, but a dancer named "Pizzazz" might be working on that night.
via: ImgurThis is clearly an old Pizza Hut that's under new ownership. But your chances of seeing any sausage or pepperoni have gone way down. Although who knows what goes on in the Champagne Room (formerly known as "Booth #7").
Yeah, so let's just swap out the "G" for an "R." That should do the trick.
via: ImgurYeah, this looks really pathetic. But at the end of the day, as long as the beer and cigarettes are cheap enough, it doesn't really matter what the store calls itself, now does it?
I have no idea what this hotel was before...
via: ImgurThis looks like an old Days Inn that's been haphazardly converted into a Motel 6. But maybe, just maybe, it's a experimental joint venture by both companies known as "Da6nn Motel." We may never know.
But can I still get a waffle?
via: ImgurThis gold merchant set up shop inside an old Waffle House, which might seem strange. But I've personally witnessed a guy trading his gold tooth for a set of tire rims at 2:00 am in a Waffle House parking lot. So basically, this shop is just cutting out the middle man.
Technically there might be circuits in an auto parts store...
via: ImgurFor those of you born in this century, this building used to be a Circuit City, which was a store that sold all the latest gadgets, like CD players and VCRs. What do you mean, "What's a VCR?" Damn it, I'm old.
Might as well have just called it, "China Hut."
via: ImgurThanks to Marco Polo, there is an actual connection between Italian food and Chinese food. Although that probably doesn't translate well to American Chinese Food and a corporate pizza chain. That said, there is no real connection between hut-shaped buildings and pizza. And this Chinese restaurant actually looks strangely at home in the defunct Pizza Hut.
What goes better with pizza than liquor?
via: ImgurThis place has all of the hut, with none of the pizza. But on the plus side, after you've bought a few boxes of wine, you can walk right over to the Popeye's to grab dinner. I hear Boones Farm pairs well with popcorn shrimp.
Forget Wendy. Let's move on to Victoria.
via: ImgurWhat better place to drink a fancy, $12 martini than in a booth under a curved window at an old Wendy's. OK, maybe it's not perfect, but it's a step up from drinking Colt 45 under the highway overpass, so my standards are skewed. 2012 was a rough year.
Who knew pizza was so expensive that you might have to take out a loan?
via: ImgurMan, defunct Pizza Huts are really representing on this list. So, what do pizza joints and juice loans have in common? Well, both industries were once controlled by Italians, but have since been co-opted by corporate America. So there's that.
I'm guessing it didn't take "days" for this idea to come to fruition.
via: ImgurWho do I get the feeling that the only "dads" that step foot in this place are dudes who are cheating on the mother of their children. At any rate, they could have at least painted over the "y." Just because you're running a no-tell-motel doesn't mean you can't try!
And then he said, "Be Kind. Rewind. Amen."
via: RedditThe funny thing about this picture is that while both organized religion and Blockbuster ended up falling on hard times, it was actually Blockbuster that went under first. I would not have guessed that back in 1995. Perhaps god was so angry about what happened to this church he decided to create Netflix.
It turns out, he was NOT the papa.
via: ImgurWhat happened to Papa? Mind your own business, or it will happen to you. Capiche?
How does a drive-thru buffet work, exactly?
via: ImgurDo you just keep circling and eating in your car? Did they install more windows so you can grab multiple items? So many questions.
Free tuition tax course with every purchase of a deep dish pizza!
via: ImgurAnother slide, another old Pizza Hut building. And now that it's a tax place, they can help you deduct all those trips to the Pizza Hut lunch buffet as business expenses. And perhaps they can figure out how to use your HSA to pay for all the antacid you needed afterward.
via: ImgurSukiyabashi Jiro, perhaps the most famous Sushi restaurant in the world, is located in a Tokyo subway station. So, all things considered, is putting a Japanese restaurant inside a defunct Baltimore-area Taco Bell really that much worse? Yeah, probably.
Honestly, are they even trying?
via: ImgurThis looks really bad. But if that whole "Jared" scandal didn't turn you off to eating at Subway, I suppose some old Taco Bell roof tiles aren't going to matter. Eat fresh, I guess.
It's secretly an intervention. Go in for a "krispy" donut. Come out with a weight loss plan.
via: ImgurWell, eating all that fast food is the reason you have heart disease and diabetes. So I guess going to the same building to try and stay alive is sort of poetic, in a way. But in another more accurate way, it's just sad.
Who needs a bell when you can have a whole shop?
via: ImgurI've never eater here, so I don't know for sure. But if I had to guess, I'd say the new place's Taco's are probably ten times better than what you'd get at a Taco Bell. Although I'd also guess the chances of getting GI distress from the new place's food is probably about ten times higher, as well.
Wendy married John. He prefers tacos to burgers. End of story.
via: ImgurLast but not least, we have a Taco John's that used to be a Wendy's. For some people, that might be a problem. But for me, as long as they are still serving Potato Olés®, they could move into and share space with an active methadone clinic, and I'd still go.