I have said it before, and I will say it again: Dentists are evil. If you knowingly enter a profession that has made people miserable from the beginning of its existence, then you are a miserable human being. (even if you are doing people good in the long run. No one likes going to the dentist, and I'm sure dentists can't even stand sitting down for their regular check-ups every six months.
Going to the dentist is one of the most uncomfortable situations human beings willingly put themselves in. Whether you are trying to tell the hygienist what you did this weekend while she has her fingers in your mouth or you are sitting there in silence as the dentist yells at you to floss more, it is not fun! It is the opposite of fun.
In order to make light of our pain, we tweet jokes about the dentist. Because laughing at terrible things is how we survive.
Do you look like this every time you go to the dentist?Of course, you do. Everyone looks insane at the dentist. It's uncomfortable and annoying and we hate it. But at least there are these jokes about it so we know we're not alone.
All the other daysNo kidding! Suddenly, that day I stood in line at the DMV for four hours seems like nothing compared to going to the dentist.
Hand in mouth
[dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?— ann (@ann)1424893020.0
RelaxThis is so true. We are all temporary. Life is fleeting, and existence is meaningless. Which means dentists need to cool it with the floss-shaming.
My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.— Spanky McDutcherson 🔸 (@Spanky McDutcherson 🔸)1438195978.0
MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED— Sarah Lyons (@Sarah Lyons)1483475823.0
MirrorThat's the thing: You give me a mirror, I am instantly taken by own, beautiful face, and I will not hear a word you say. Sorry, not sorry.
The worst thing about dentists is they put that paper bib on you but they never bring you lobster.— shauna (@shauna)1373304546.0
Dentist: ok open up "Well I guess it all started when my dad left..." Dentist: no I mean- Assistant: wait bill...let him finish— paperwash© (@paperwash©)1433376071.0
Next time you’re getting a teeth cleaning, reach up and gently caress the dentist’s face to let him know he’s doing a good job.— Jeff Wysaski (@Jeff Wysaski)1399070035.0
4 out of 5
[Toothpaste Laboratory] Dentist 1: Yes Dentist 2: Yes Dentist 3: Yes Dentist 4: Yes Dentist 5: Not so fast...— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭)1460149499.0
My dentist was in the middle of telling me how important it is to floss when his dentures fell out and hit me in the head #MyWeirdDentist— Marie Connor (@Marie Connor)1493234760.0
Terrible first impression
My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.— Drunk Dreamer (@Drunk Dreamer)1458442099.0
@jimmyfallon #MyWeirdDentist uses flavored latex gloves and when he puts his hands in my mouth he asks me to guess the taste— Gi (@Gi)1493234100.0
Remember to floss
[at dentist] "Are you remembering to floss?" Oh ya, Dr, totally. "...u sure?" Yup. "Cuz it looks like-" I REMEMBER, I JUST DON'T DO IT.— Reverend Scott (@Reverend Scott)1436794925.0
The last time
I hate when my dentist asks when the last time I flossed was. like dude, don't you remember? you were there— k© (@k©)1440005119.0
That thing where the hygienist has cleaned all the crap off your teeth so you can actually feel what a weird shape they are.— Dave Cross (@Dave Cross)1434709281.0
EyebrowsI bet dental hygienists super concentrate on making the top half of their faces look great before they go to work every day. I know I would.
You know you're getting old when your dental hygienist no longer asks you what flavor of toothpaste you want.— Cailyn Burd (@Cailyn Burd)1434630688.0
Excellent home care
The dental hygienist told me my home care was 'excellent' and the proceeded to brutalize my gum line for 30 minutes to punish me for it.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@〰 Just Linda 〰)1434738726.0
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl)1376005538.0
During a deep cleaning, my dentist suddenly sighed to himself and mumbled sadly, "I wanted to be a farmer." #MyWeirdDentist— 𝐊𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢. ♡🍓 (@𝐊𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢. ♡🍓)1493235866.0
A fair exchangeThis is amazing. I hope he's in an all-Aerosmith cover band made up of all dentists called, "Aeroteeth."
My dental hygienist switched out the usual mint finish post cleaning for cinnamon. #GutPunch— Roche 🎙️(@🏠) (@Roche 🎙️(@🏠))1434130496.0
9 out of 10 dentists agree
9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn't vote for himself— Fred Delicious (@Fred Delicious)1388017238.0
Dentist's office is playing Coldplay & I can hear dudebro in the next room trying to hit on his hygienist & I'm pretty sure this is hell.— Saladin Ahmed (@Saladin Ahmed)1434124405.0
Moments from death
DENTAL HYGIENIST: your teeth and gums are moments from death. Quit your job so you can floss 16 times an hour. I ha… https://t.co/S3vOoPOXZs— Luke Mones (@Luke Mones)1540266581.0
DENTIST: how often do u brush ur teeth ME: twice a day. DENTIST: and floss? ME: tw--ttwice. … DENTIST: a day? … ME: i stand by wat i said.— jonny sun has a new book coming out in april! (@jonny sun has a new book coming out in april!)1458079834.0
*Ted receiving best dentist award at the dentist awards* This is the only plaque that's allowed in my house *laughter* You the king, Ted!— Nate Usher (@Nate Usher)1414448141.0
My dentist just put some lip balm on me without asking?! I thought this was a dentist not a liptist— Phil Lester (@Phil Lester)1540227835.0