If you're a parent (or even just someone who works with kids on a regular basis), then you know that life with kids can be pretty darn special. Raising kids is easily one of the most important and admirable jobs in the world, and it can be incredibly rewarding. There's nothing quite as magical as watching little humans learn and grow.
It can also be downright absurd. I would say that most parents have at least one interaction per day with their kids that leaves them scratching their head, wondering how they ended up arguing with a toddler about whether shoes belong on the table. Not a day goes by that parents don't stop to marvel at how amazingly weird, and totally bizarre their child turned out to be.
Luckily, you can also marvel at the absurdity of children, and you don't even have to have kids to do it! Just read these tweets!
A sticker collection.
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes. http://t.co/TJepUORQwH— Sarah Dempster (@Sarah Dempster)1434874945.0
You are forgiven.Every parent gets a pass when it comes to getting the kids out of the house and off to school. Also while grocery shopping, during bedtime routines, and while stuck in traffic.
What a fun activity!
Dinner is a great time for my family to come together to tell each other exactly what is wrong with the meal I made.— Jessie (@Jessie)1521548574.0
Let's start with 5...
Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight? 7yo: 100 Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6 7yo (thinking): 30— Zoe vs. the Universe (@Zoe vs. the Universe)1521470293.0
Well, I'm terrified.
today my eight-year-old son said ‘what if the tooth fairy was real and she was collecting the teeth to build an army of teeth-people’— Saladin Ahmed (@Saladin Ahmed)1528639677.0
This is the truth.
The average child uses 16,000 feet of scotch tape in a day.— 🥴steph🥴 (@🥴steph🥴)1519660644.0
That's not how gardens work.
Me: I was thinking we could plant a garden this summer. What should we grow? 6yo: Pizza! 2yo: Balloons! Me: *pulls… https://t.co/jVb3R1N9aB— Lurkin' Mom (@Lurkin' Mom)1527201265.0
Like it or love it?
My son just showed me something he made and asked “Do you like it, or do you love it?” and those are the only optio… https://t.co/lyOj3rmOqd— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@AsKateWouldHaveIt)1526912575.0
Wait a second...
DAUGHTER, AGE 6: My legs are running away from the ghosts of my feet! ME: Ha ha, you're so silly [later] ME: *wa… https://t.co/BEnfiPhH5L— Andrew Fowler (@Andrew Fowler)1525131767.0
Me: Our kids are finally at an age where we can sleep in on week- Youth sports: Let me stop you right there.— Jessie (@Jessie)1530797826.0
Talk about a cheap date.
This is the best day of my life! -my 5yo after riding an escalator. (Really glad we took that Disney trip last year.)— The 21st Century SAHM (@The 21st Century SAHM)1522175713.0
Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY Me: good job! Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES Me: i’m proud of you Toddler: AND N… https://t.co/qLm2qwQsqO— Ashes to ashes (an spooky female) ⚪️ (@Ashes to ashes (an spooky female) ⚪️)1517513050.0
Good to know!
My favorite thing about buying food in bulk is when my kids immediately decide that they now hate that food.— Molly England (@Molly England)1516026576.0
What a fun vacation!
Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside— Housewife of Hell (@Housewife of Hell)1465262420.0
My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. http://t.co/MFKWJ2rNqi— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonIsCrying)1414111015.0
You can't win!I imagine that parents do a mental calculation every time the house is quiet, taking into consideration how long it's been quiet and how much they value their child's limbs and eyeballs.
KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?— Andy H. (@Andy H.)1465516377.0
This is a very delicate situation.
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.— Simon Holland (@Simon Holland)1411325870.0
Receptionist at pediatrician’s office: Child’s birth date and year? Me, mother of 3: Wow ok I didn’t know there w… https://t.co/2fyuhBmivU— Bunmi Laditan (@Bunmi Laditan)1512144735.0
"Mom! Mom! Mommy!"
Never was there a woman so sought after as a mother talking on the phone OHMYGOD I'LL ANSWER YOUR 37 QUESTIONS WHEN I'M OFF GET AWAY FROM ME— Stephanie Jankowski (@Stephanie Jankowski)1483653596.0
You cannot leave.
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.— Unfiltered Mama (@Unfiltered Mama)1493953089.0
Nobody likes Mondays.
Mondays are hard. Mondays with kids are some type of human survival experiment.— Jennifer Lizza (@Jennifer Lizza)1510579849.0
This is actually brilliant.
Just dry shampoo'd and Febreze'd my kid on his way out the door so no I'm not really interested in your family's morning chore chart, Laura.— Valerie (@Valerie)1506428678.0
So long, erasers.
Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.— Robert Knop (@Robert Knop)1509630150.0
What a fashion statement.
The 4 yr old is wandering the house in a life jacket, crying b/c it's clipped. He also cried when I unclipped it. We don't even own a boat.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Stephanie Ortiz)1500403859.0
Me- Sits on toilet Children - QUICK EVERYONE!! Mom called a family meeting in the bathroom!! Bring in toys, blankets and your best stories— Cydni Beer (@Cydni Beer)1508118145.0
Draw your own conclusions.But there are good things about having kids, too! It might take me a minute to think of them, but they exist.
Sometimes I screw up my own kid's name but I can name at least 5 dogs from Paw Patrol.— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad)1502304061.0
Just one more!
I've never been serenaded, but I have been followed through the house by someone reading me "another funny thing" from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.— Amy Dillon (@Amy Dillon)1485306439.0
Watching a 3 year old try to sit down in a Barbie seat is pretty much the reason I had kids.— Kelcey Kintner (@Kelcey Kintner)1484750357.0