To say that I was "raised in the church" is honestly kind of an understatement.

For the first 18 years of my life, I attended church services three times a week — Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening. (Yep. Twice on Sundays.)

My favorite pastimes were pretending to baptize my little sister in the bathtub, pretending Saltine crackers were communion, and something called Bible Bowl (which is a trivia game about the Bible).

My idea of a fun Friday night was hanging out with the youth group teens...at church, because I guess three church visits a week somehow wasn't enough.

My first boyfriend? Don't be ridiculous. I kissed dating goodbye, obviously.

If you also grew up attending church regularly, then you'll probably relate to the following tweets. Please open your hymnals, share your prayer requests, and say a few "Our Fathers" for good measure. Peace be with you.

Last Supper.

Did I say "last supper"? I meant just, regular supper that we have all the time. Nothing special about this supper, nosiree.

And also with you.

If you haven't thought this at least once to yourself, you may have to turn in your church kid card. You can get it back after reciting 10 verses from memory.


Star TrekStar Wars, Jesus... Honestly, sometimes it's hard to keep all your fandoms straight.


I absolutely believed this, too. My Sunday school teachers never quite agreed on exactly what leprosy was, but I knew it was bad.


If you end up in the New Testament, you've gone way too far.

Church candy.

As a kid sitting in an uncomfortable church pew, you always looked forward to the moment your parent or the nice old person sitting near you snuck you a mint or a piece of candy. I lived for pew candy.


Hey, God helps those who help themselves, right? Way to use your resources.


If you don't regret what you chose to give up for Lent after a few days, you're obviously doing it wrong.

Confirmation name.

I'm not Catholic, so I was also always so fascinated by the idea of confirmation names. You get to choose your own!


This is an excellent tweet. I give it 10 out of 10 Commandments.

Jesus Loves You.

Yeah, there's like, a whole song about it. We sing it every week in Sunday school.


This is obviously a missed opportunity. Don't tell me they kept ordering bread, too.

Build a boat.

I'm not saying I'd want to take Noah's place or anything, but hey. At least he had it better than ol' Job.


This sounds like something Jesus would say in one of those modern language versions of the Bible. Maybe it'd replace that "camel through the eye of a needle" thing.


Say what you will about Judas, but the guy knew how to execute a plan. And the son of God.


It's nice to show deference, I suppose. Even if it's to a big movie screen.

Leave room for Jesus.

Joke's on you. My church didn't allow dancing.


Oh man, I sure hope not. Didn't he and Eve mess things up bad enough already?

Pulled over.

I'm convinced that if Jesus was born today, like 90 percent of his actions would be wine-related. That's the kind of thing that impresses people these days.

Fresh Prince.

I never realized how much I needed a Fresh Prince/the Gospels crossover until right now, but I do. I really do.

Hey now.

OK, we've clearly strayed too far from God's light with this one. Time to repent.

Good Friday.

The tough thing about this is that it's not like you can lie to Jesus and tell him we call it Bad Friday. He'll know. That's kind of His thing.

Follow-up question.

To be fair, though, if people celebrated my resurrection by eating chocolate bunnies, I'm pretty sure I'd be thrilled.

Piece of me.

I know what you're thinking. What if the baguette breaks? Don't worry. He can make more.

Born in a barn.

I think being born in a barn should get you a pass on pretty much any social faux pas you commit. Also being the Son of God should count for something.

Kill 'im.

"Also, my son is me. Kind of. It's confusing."


Being able to get 5,000 Filet-o-Fish sandwiches from one McDonald's restaurant would also be a miracle, so I think you're in the clear.

I wonder.

I spent way more of my childhood than I'm willing to admit assuming that the second coming was imminent. So far, no dice.


Grape juice never tasted better than when it came out of those teeny tiny cups.

Baby shark.

Yes! And the church camp version was much darker. There's a whole verse about dying and going to heaven. Share this with a fellow church kid!