To say that I was "raised in the church" is honestly kind of an understatement.
For the first 18 years of my life, I attended church services three times a week — Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening. (Yep. Twice on Sundays.)
My favorite pastimes were pretending to baptize my little sister in the bathtub, pretending Saltine crackers were communion, and something called Bible Bowl (which is a trivia game about the Bible).
My idea of a fun Friday night was hanging out with the youth group teens...at church, because I guess three church visits a week somehow wasn't enough.
My first boyfriend? Don't be ridiculous. I kissed dating goodbye, obviously.
If you also grew up attending church regularly, then you'll probably relate to the following tweets. Please open your hymnals, share your prayer requests, and say a few "Our Fathers" for good measure. Peace be with you.
Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas— David Hughes (@David Hughes)1420418385.0
And also with you.
Any Catholic #StarWars fans out there have ever accidentally replied "And also with you." Whenever you hear "May th… https://t.co/NCxzK8KcLP— Kristen Ramirez (@Kristen Ramirez)1552959611.0
[shaking hands at mass] Me: Peace be with you. 6-year-old: *Vulcan fingers* Live long and prosper.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1552834451.0
As a kid, I thought leprosy made you a zombie #raisedinthechurch— the real stim shady (@the real stim shady)1530970366.0
Doing homework thinking of PEMDAS and in my mind just said... Parentheses Exponents Leviticus Numbers Dueteronomy... #RaisedInTheChurch— Nate Adams (@Nate Adams)1441336633.0
#TBT ...if you were #RaisedInTheChurch. #churchladycandy #achargetokeepihave #vbs #coolinwater #praisethelordsaints http://t.co/HSIcyaSof0— it’s trent y’all (@it’s trent y’all)1410477470.0
when you're catholic & you forget to go to church on ash wednesday https://t.co/uWtAalZ20h— Nathan (@Nathan)1455159288.0
When you're about to enjoy something, but then you remember you gave it up for Lent #CatholicProblems http://t.co/bGXmeX3Qsj— Catholic Life (@Catholic Life)1424825113.0
Confirmation name.I'm not Catholic, so I was also always so fascinated by the idea of confirmation names. You get to choose your own!
Mary: oh no my period is late Joseph: oh no how late Mary: I dunno, what's the date Joseph: hmm according to the… https://t.co/OTVgPc5JiL— Abbie (@Abbie)1552415539.0
Jesus Loves You.
Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.— Mike Primavera (@Mike Primavera)1386183312.0
[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"— David Hughes (@David Hughes)1398009796.0
Build a boat.
god: u gotta build a boat noah: can't u build ur own boat.. i mean, ur god god: [nervously] no i can i just wanna see if u know how— chuuch (@chuuch)1433049736.0
I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.— Miss Leah 💙 (@Miss Leah 💙)1411494338.0
Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ. Soldier: You can just point to him. Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job.— Gerry McBride (@Gerry McBride)1458574965.0
Genuflect.It's nice to show deference, I suppose. Even if it's to a big movie screen.
Leave room for Jesus.Joke's on you. My church didn't allow dancing.
Just received a notification that my android Bible app needs an update. 4 what exactly? Has Adam eaten another apple? #stolen #sipendiujinga— Irungu Karugu (@Irungu Karugu)1476287239.0
Pulled over.I'm convinced that if Jesus was born today, like 90 percent of his actions would be wine-related. That's the kind of thing that impresses people these days.
@jonnysun @fwong *jesus picks up bread* this is my body *picks up wine* this is my blood *picks up mic* this is a S… https://t.co/i9vkWeTvRR— MmKayy but festive (@MmKayy but festive)1492249061.0
If you want to read Shrek’s favorite verse in the Bible just open up to Psalm - BODY ONCE TOLD ME— Noah Herrin (@Noah Herrin)1516464210.0
Good Friday.The tough thing about this is that it's not like you can lie to Jesus and tell him we call it Bad Friday. He'll know. That's kind of His thing.
jesus: well how do you celebrate my resurrection me: eat chocolate bunnies jesus: me: jesus: am i being punk'd— Sage Boggs (@Sage Boggs)1428073474.0
Piece of me.
[last supper] drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?— dan mentos (@dan mentos)1423011375.0
Born in a barn.
Me: "Hey you forgot to close the door! Were you born in a barn?" Jesus: "Yes." Me: "Oh, it's you. Sorry, Jesus." Jesus: "I forgive you."— Mike Primavera (@Mike Primavera)1337102038.0
God: kill your son Abraham: uh...ok God: holy shit I'm jk Abraham: umm... God: I'll probably kill mine tho lol Abraham: wtf?— paperwash© (@paperwash©)1447286220.0
"Welcome to McDonald's, what'll it be?" Jesus whispering "5000 Filet-o-fish, and hurry" "5000 FILETS DAN" J "Shh, keep yr fuckin voice down"— Sean Leahy (@Sean Leahy)1422548283.0
I wonder.I spent way more of my childhood than I'm willing to admit assuming that the second coming was imminent. So far, no dice.
You're not really a #churchkid until you've snacked on the leftover communion.— Tiffany Travelute (@Tiffany Travelute)1373243584.0
I sang baby shark in church camp growing up, so how is it just now getting on the billboard top 100!? lol 😂🦈💙— Brittany Cartwright (@Brittany Cartwright)1547249096.0