On July 9, 1999, a movie burst onto movie theaters the likes of which the American public had never before seen. It was raunchy, obscene, hilarious – it featured a teenaged boy doing unspeakably sexual things to that most American of desserts, the apple pie. It was called, quite appropriately American Pie, and it was a monster hit among the teenaged set.
The stars of American Pie became breakout stars.
Who can forget Eugene Levy as the painfully awkward father? Or Jason Biggs as Jim, the nerdy everyman protagonist desperate to lose his virginity? Or Shannon Elizabeth as Nadia, the very hot Slovakian exchange student. What about Sean William Scott as Steven Stifler, the profane, but strangely likable jock?
But there was one character that would quickly grow to overshadow her relatively small part in American Pie.
She was blonde, buxom, and sexually voracious. She preyed on eager teenage boys and they loved her for it.
According to the Urban Dictionary, the word milf stands for “Mother I’d Like to F**k.” It’s even made it to the regular dictionary as a “vulgar slang” that describes “a sexually attractive older woman, typically one who has children.”
Other MILFs have come and gone, most famously Mrs. Robinson of The Graduate, but one MILF stands above them all, Jennifer Coolidge.
She played Paulette in the movie Legally Blonde, and Sophie in the sitcom 2 Broke Girls.
She has a robust Twitter presence and a sly, offbeat sense of humor. Still, none of her roles have had as much resonance as Stifler’s Mom.
In the halcyon days of a teenage boy’s youth, when he’s just crossed over the cusp of legal, there’s a Stifler’s Mom waiting for him in his deepest dreams – a predatory, slightly skeevy-in-a-classy-way older woman of buxom charms to lead him to the promised land of sexual wish fulfillment.
She is a mirage of what might, but probably never will be, considering most grown women don’t prowl around in bikinis searching desperately for teenage boys to perv on.
Stifler’s Mom, is, in short, the epitome of fantasy. Specifically, teenage boy fantasies.
She exists for the precise reason that she doesn’t really actually exist. She’s a mirage of desire and want. Ether and air, but no actual substance.
While Stifler’s Mom (Jennifer Coolidge) may not be visible, that doesn’t mean she’s dead.
That’s why one intrepid Twitter user retweeted the post with the caption, “Has anyone told
@JENCOOLIDGE that she’s dead?”
“Yes, I am dead, and it’s great!”
Oh, Stifler’s Mom, may you remain forever young and unchanging.