YES. This is not a drill. 2019 has brought its first blessing upon us with a new invention that would even put Steve Jobs to shame. That's right, I'm talking about a sweater you can wear with your dog. Think about it. You + your dog + a cozy sweater = better than anything this world could offer.

I'm not going to sit here and lie to you or say wearing this sweater won't be some kind of giant Chinese finger trap. It will be, only more insane because your partner isn't your best friend from middle school, it's your best friend who also happens to be a dog. You will fall, you will get hurt, but gosh darn it will it be your best purchase of 2019.

So come with us on this journey of discovery as we solve world peace with a friggin sweater. Let's go.

Okay, first things first.

Dogs and humans have had a special bond ever since the hit film, Air Bud. That movie was a breakthrough. But before now, we've been constrained to either leaving dogs the way nature intended or forcing them to wear little human clothes in different dog-like shapes.

And dogs love us, because that's what they do.

But then something amazing happened... Do you know how they say the greatest things that are ever invented are invented by mistakes? Like the movie camera, penicillin, or Beyoncé? Well, add another one to that list.

Enter the double-headed sweater.

It's perfect for you and your date this Valentine's Day.

Or you and your bro.

Because who doesn't want to have a bro-date on Valentine's Day?

They're also unisex!

I mean, all sweaters are unisex for the most part. You just have to know how to pull them off.

But seriously, they're so cute!

And they come in a bunch of different styles, so you're sure to find one that fits.

They even have these adorbs "Love is Love" ones.

So you can shake things up in front of your conservative parents this holiday!

But the real innovation is in this intentionally terrible video.

And I'm sure you saw exactly what I'm talking about.

Someone get me this dog, now.

Who needs a Valentine's Day human when I have a bottle of wine and man's best friend?

Plus, dogs are already naturally trained to wear clothes.

Everyone knows this. Instinctively, dogs can sit, fetch, and perfectly wear human clothes.

And they look a whole lot smarter doing so.

Look at this pup. Is he a basketball star? Or perhaps a professor? Why not both?

The point I'm making is that dogs dressed as people are better.

I know it doesn't seem possible – a better dog – but it's true. You're going to have to get over it.

Here's a hot tip for you though.

Maybe don't get the "Love is Love" version if you plan on wearing this with your dog. People might get the wrong idea.

But there are still plenty of options!

I think what I'm going to do instead is just shove a mannequin in mine to remind everyone that I'll be single forever.

Here is a rough approximation that my editor will 100% make me delete.

Is the image still there? Did I win? Do I get to terrorize the internet forever with my poor photoshop skills and hastily thought-out ideas once more?

But in all seriousness, Zulily seems like a cool company with a ton of cool products.

And this isn't even a sponsored post. We just like them. (But if you wanna send me money, my faux venmo name is: @helpmeimpoor)

Like these cool spirit animal onesies!

This is perfect for when you really want to wear a onesie. Do people still have PJ parties or did that die in high school? I don't really get invited to things anymore.

Or this sign that describes every thought that ever enters my mind on any given day.

Drunk ramen is the best ramen. Sober ramen is also the best ramen, but that's beside the point I'm trying to make here.

This is another approximation of me.

Except for this time, I'm in a bowl of ramen and that's not my face. But I would definitely be that happy so long as I'm in some kind of heatproof suit. The burns... the burns would not be fun.

They also have a very descriptive sign.

For all the alcoholics in your life. Or those millennials who joke about being alcoholics because they're afraid that maybe they kinda already are. *Points to myself.*

Also for all the alcoholics in your life:

An intervention. Because nothing says "I love you" on Valentine's Day quite like throwing out the literal poison we all put in our bodies on a near-daily basis. Eh, who am I kidding? Valentine's Day is when drunk, single me gets to further ruin my life. It's a tradition.

This is a raft shaped like a pizza.

That's all I want to say about this image. Because really, it's doing all the talking. We don't advise that you eat this pizza though. However delicious it may be, you will likely drown and die faster than you can say, "there was enough room on the door for both of them."

When I first moved into my apartment, there was a sign on the community board that read, "to whoever stole my blue lawn gnome, please put it back."

Well, it looks like we finally have a suspect. I'm all for lawn gnomes, but this is just as cool, frankly.

I feel bad for those gnomes though.

They didn't sign up to get terrorized by that scary dinosaur.

Question: how do you feel about unicorns?

For me, I used to be on the fence about them, until I saw this next thing. And now I have a unicorn tapestry and a unicorn tie-dye shirt, and I'm growing my hair out so I can turn it into a horn, NBD.

GUYS. This unicorn holds tacos.

And waffles with ice cream shoved inside, but like when is that actually practical? Tacos!

Show this to your friends and you'll feel like this:

Some kind of unicorn-wielding superhero. Protect your friends from the dangers of messy tacos with the courage of this purple unicorn contraption you'll only use once and then lose forever.

Or what about this super fluffy phone case?

See with this one, all you have do is never put your phone in your pocket (it won't fit), or in your purse (it'll get super nasty) and you're good! So like just hold it I guess.

I don't have a GIF for this, but here's a super cute bunny eating a banana.

You're welcome. Save that shit and send it to your friends when they're having a bad day. It works like a charm.

Another one for the alcoholic in your life.

Because nothing says alcoholic more than a self-deprecating joke about liver failure.