These ‘Unspirational’ Quotes Are Freaking Hilarious

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If you are like me and you believe that there is nothing more infuriating than motivational quotes and cutesy Instagram inspirational posts, then boy oh boy, do I have an Instagram account for you! Uninspirational is your favorite new Instagram account. Seriously– go follow it right now. It is bright and full of beachy waves and soothing colors and trendy fonts, but the messages it shares aren’t the kinds of maddening and empty “inspirational” garbage that so many other accounts share.

Instead, Uninspirational keeps it exceedingly real. They share un-motivational quotes for those who understand that life is garbage and the world is going to end. For people who can never drink enough coffee, who can’t talk to people without wanting to crawl in a hole and die, and who generally can’t take it anymore. If you are a curmudgeon who cringes at the bright, shiny veneer of social media, this is the Instagram account for you.

Instagram can be full of empty, soulless posts. Many will share fluffy quotes telling you how to live a better life.

And they are infuriating. If you aren’t falling for the motivational crap all over Instagram, these posts are for you.

The end of the world

Don’t we all? At the rate we’re going, we’ve only got about 50 years before the world ends, so this doesn’t seem unreasonable.

Tuesday

I would edit this to say, “Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.” And you know what? We can add Saturday and Sunday in there, too.

Differences

Seriously, white people especially need to read and heed of this one. Yes, because white people are terrible.

Things will get worse

It’s no use to pretend that this isn’t the truth. If you accept that things will get worse before they get better, you won’t be disappointed!

Nothing

There are so many people who need to learn this lesson. People who run the country, for example.

Regrets

This is way too relatable. What else does one do when they get into bed? Fall peacefully asleep? Please.

Everything is bad

Yes. I don’t know what else to say about this except: Yes. This is true.

Pizza

Pizza is my one true love in this world. It’s the perfect specimen.

Dinner with anybody

Something tells me that this person doesn’t really want to eat dinner with Gary but that they actually want to see Gary dead.

Going to bed

Oh man, I did this the other day and I attest to this being true. Even though I was sick when I did it, I will be doing that again even in my healthiest moments.

Favorite exercise

You do burn a lot of calories while crying. So it’s like a bonus that running on a treadmill automatically makes me burst into tears.

Dogs

I look at my dog every day and get so jealous of his stupid, lazy life. He does nothing and he has everything he could ever want.

Food delivery

So, this happens every single time I order food. I’ve stopped looking at it as an attack and started looking at it as an opportunity to collect plasticware.

Give up.

Punctuation is so important. This is the correct punctuation for this message.

Naps

I would say this is the major difference between childhood and adulthood. That and the fact that Reese’s Pieces are now too sweet for me to eat more than like two of them.

Wishes

I like my alone time. Sue me.

Bags of meat and garbage

I would add the word “rotting” before “meat and garbage” because it is true and I want to ruin your day just a little more.

Relationships

I will say that fine wine is better because at least it gets your drunk. Relationships can’t even do that.

Nightmare

Finally, someone on social media who acknowledges that the entire world is a nightmare that it’s impossible to wake up from.

All I want to do

This sounds like the best life imaginable. I mean, it’s pretty much what I do already. Maybe through some eating and like, a job in there, and that’s pretty much me.

Freedom

I don’t want the ability to do everything because then I would extremely selfish as a brilliant surgeon who never performed surgery because I don’t want to.

All the things

This might be true, but then they’ll make you happy again! And then they’ll make you sad again. I never said it would end with the happy part.

Never believe

This is a really good lesson to learn. Put that expectation bar on the ground and it will be really easy to step over.

Offended

I’m not an offensive person and I’m always right, so if you have a problem with me, that’s your problem.

Anxiety

Yeah, but those moments where you forget you have anxiety (while exceedingly rare) are pretty great.

What to order

Yeah, and the other 15 percent is deciding which menu to order off of in the first place. I say “What should we do for dinner” to my partner more than I say “I love you.”

Best things in life

Whoever told you that the best things in life are free hasn’t ever eaten a meal at a Michelin-starred restaurant.

Unbelievably stupid world

The second you realize that every moment of the day and every aspect of the world is incredibly dumb, you feel a little better about things.

Doomed

Yeah, this about sums it up. Share this with someone as curmudgeonly as you!