We all have a similar understanding of parents, right? They're kind, loving people who put their children above everything else in their life. But it's easy to forget that parenting is a skill, and it's even easier to forget that some people just aren't cut out to develop some skills. For instance, knitting might not be for you if you're not dexterous. And parenting might not be for you if you're insane.
If you're one of the countless people who feel left out by your less-than-ideal parental situation, know that you're not alone. People with insane parents have been flocking to Reddit's /r/InsaneParents subreddit to tell tales of the most insane moves their supposedly loving, nurturing parents have pulled.
Get ready to be incensed, and maybe a little bit relieved that you didn't have it so bad, as you check out these honest-to-god actual conversations, mostly conveyed via text message, between normal kids and their truly insane parents.
This is why you can't let insane parents install a security system.INSANE MOM: Dishes done by 3 PM okay? KID: I get home at 3, is 3:15 okay? INSANE MOM: If I look on the cameras and they aren't done by 3 there will be consequences. KID: I can't have them done that fast. INSANE MOM: It's 3 now and the dishes aren't done, that's a day of no tech. - heartrate_
"Be more responsible than us!"INSANE MOM: Do you think you can lend me and Daddy 600 until next Friday? We were approved for a car but we have to put down 1100 and we only have 500. Won't have the rest until next Friday. SON: I don't even have 600. INSANE MOM: Oh. INSANE MOM: You should have a lot of money. INSANE MOM: Stop spending SON: The most I have is 300. SON: Boy how you gonna ask me for money and tell me to stop spending - CHIEFXx
I thought we'd moved on from Iron Maiden to video games?INSANE MOM: I just looked at the Iron Maiden website and a video! It is straight from the devil! My heart just keeps breaking over and over... 30-YEAR-OLD ADULT SON: Mom, it's just an '80s metal band. Dad has their cassettes in the basement from when he used to listen to them. It's fine. INSANE MOM: He said he didn't but I don't know! I will look! I just know that I watched the video the number of the beast and it is sickening! It is not fine! Just the picture alone on their website is sickening! INSANE MOM: Praying for your mind, eyes, and ears for what the concert is going to do to you! - cothromaiochta66
I'd like this post immediately.From a Twitter post: Like this tweet if you think it's weird that I'm 21 years old and my parents monitor my Twitter and constantly tell me to take tweets down. The kicker is they follow me under a fake name cuz I can't find them anywhere in my followers. - HijackedSyd
After switching jobs and therefore changing the family's shared phone bill discount...INSANE MOM: I can't believe that you wouldn't check with me before cancelling our discount! KID: I wasn't trying to do that... I got a new job, maybe this new place will have another one. INSANE MOM: You really are selfish aren't you? You know I rely on that! Why can't you check before you decide to take it upon yourself to uproot our lives? The least you could've done was given me a heads up. KID: It saved maybe 20 dollars on the phone bill. If you need the 20 dollars I can give you the 20 dollars no big deal. INSANE MOM: No big deal? I don't need your pity. I need your communication. To think I raised you better. You embarrass me. - Astreeter12
From a Facebook post of, of all things, a selfie his daughter on a hike:INSANE DAD: So this is how a "working girl" lives HIKING DAUGHTER: I went a few weeks ago, on the weekend. I just posted the pic today. I'm assuming you're not calling me a prostitute. INSANE DAD: Let's just say "a paid professional adult worker" :D - Santadid911
This tennis coach is drunk with power.KID: Hey forgot to tell you tennis is canceled on Thursday and he moved it to today INSANE MOM: How convenient for you KID: What do you mean INSANE MOM: You're always occupied on Wednesdays now. Can never make it to church KID: Ok KID: He rescheduled it for today KID: Probably because I told him I didn't want to go to church KID: Or maybe because he's the coach and it's his schedule - sdghag
As we all know, the worst thing you can do in a small town is ruin an Easter. They get ready for Easter all year long!A series of texts from a mom who was upset that her kid stopped paying rent and moved out on his own: A LOT of people in this town know why I kicked you out and how you ruined my Easter! Just remember, word gets around in a small town! ALRIGHT, YOU SMART MOTHERF-ER I ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH! I WISH I WOULDN'T HAVE did ANYTHING FOR YOU your WHOLE LIFE because NOW YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT, A WASTE OF TIME, AND A WASTE OF GOD'S CREATIVITY!! - JesseMorgan0690
From a post titled "Finally Finished"...
via: RedditTo be fair, this kid's parents are principals from the 1950s, when people thought this kind of thing would do literally anything to change a kid's behavior, who fell through a time-vortex and into 2019.
The... the whole room... it's just... gone...
via: RedditThis post was titled: My dad went ahead and tore down my room without me there and has, as of posting this, given away all of MY furniture.
These parents don't want their kid to pick up their drunk friend when they need them.INSANE MOM: Your father and I have come to the conclusion that picking up a drunk [friend's name] is not a good idea. She has already proved untrustworthy and manipulative and we don't want you putting yourself in a position to get #metooed KID: Uhhhhh KID: Ok - Grimms629
Does this sound like a lazy guy to you?MOTHER-IN-LAW: Okay lazy butt. Too bad. SON-IN-LAW: I don't like it when you call me lazy. I am not lazy, I am working and have higher priorities than walking dogs right now. MOTHER-IN-LAW: Geez, it's a joke expression. SON-IN-LAW: I'm just letting you know I don't like it, sorry. MOTHER-IN-LAW: I can't believe you would get pissed. I thought we had the same sense of humor. Last thing I want is to bother you. I won't anymore. MOTHER-IN-LAW: And just to tell you that you just made me cry here. I really didn't deserve this. - escape_photo
Nothing worse than calling to check in and hearing, "Why don't you call more often to check in?"ADULT CHILD: How's grandma? INSANE MOM: What does it matter ADULT CHILD: I'm asking you how grandma is doing. INSANE MOM: Call her. ADULT CHILD: I plan on it but I was asking you first. INSANE MOM: She's not dead. INSANE MOM: She was deathly ill two weeks ago Friday and you're just now asking. ADULT CHILD: Please don't be mean to me. When grandma was ill, I checked in with you constantly. Offered to leave work. And spoke with grandma. INSANE MOM: That was over a week, almost two weeks, ago. I know you called, and I was happy you did that, but that was quite a while ago. - r00mbal0ve
I got you a vacation you have to pay for that will ruin your life! You're welcome!INSANE MOM: I bought the tickets to Miami for the 6th. Please pay me back as soon as possible. $640. ADULT CHILD: Wait what ADULT CHILD: Why would you buy tickets for the 6th. I've told you 100 times that it's my first day at my new job. INSANE MOM: You can ask them if you can start later. They cannot force you to do anything. Really, you act like an ungrateful witch sometimes. You act like it's a punishment to spend time with your mother. I bought the tickets already so you can figure out what you need to do. ADULT CHILD: I'm not going to postpone moving to Seattle by a MONTH so that I can go on a vacation that I never signed up for and have to PAY for??? INSANE MOM: Orphans would give up anything to have a chance to go on a trip with their mother. Spoiled brat. I'm contacting your recruiter and moving your start date. ADULT CHILD: Mom if you contact my recruiter I will lose it you can't you can't you can't INSANE MOM: Stop acting like a toddler having a tantrum. If you won't take responsibility for family obligations I will. You are so high strung I don't know how you will survive on your own without your loving mother. You need a vacation for your anxiety. It can be relaxing and help you recharge. - flossii
Enough with the texts!INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: I love you INSANE MOM: You're welcome for the coffee KID: Why the spam INSANE MOM: Because I ducking HATE being ignored KID: I don't go on my phone for 2 minutes and you send me 22 texts INSANE MOM: Like I said you're welcome for everything I do for you. - GoodHotdogs
From an actual Facebook post from an insane dad:
via: RedditI probably shouldn't have gotten so angry, BUT I'm so tired of the smart mouth. I asked her for her phone and she told me NO. I just don't know what else to get her attitude adjusted. When she's grounded from it her attitude is okay, but when she's drawing it's so terrible. Now someone doesn't have a phone and nothing was her fault. - Nimhue
Don't you guys have to sleep too?23-YEAR-OLD WHO JUST MOVED HOME AFTER COLLEGE: I'll be home soon. INSANE MOM: No now 23-YEAR-OLD: Go to bed, I'll be home soon INSANE MOM: No now INSANE MOM: Your dad called and you did not answer! 23-YEAR-OLD: I'll be home by 12 chill 23-YEAR-OLD: I don't have service!! INSANE MOM: Okay your dad and I will be waiting! - rjxmeztli
His inheritance? Hypochondria and anxiety!ADULT SON: I've had a headache two days in a row. INSANE MOM: Is it possible you are HIV+? Those are symptoms. ADULT SON: No mom I'm not INSANE MOM: It scares me to even think we have to discuss this possibility. - Krazah_Dark
"Make time for my uncomfortable conversation please."INSANE MOM: What are you doing today/ tonight? ADULT CHILD: Dunno yet ADULT CHILD: Going on a hike INSANE MOM: Okay then INSANE MOM: I guess we won't be talking anytime soon then. Have a safe trip to Utah. ADULT CHILD: It's only Tuesday relax ADULT CHILD: You're not even home INSANE MOM: Omg really. I'm done. You haven't made any effort to talk about your disrespect to me. INSANE MOM: You have really put a wrench between us. I am very hurt. - hedgehog12444
Surprise! Regular things cost money now!
INSANE MOM: It's way past 9 PM. You owe me a dollar. ADULT CHILD: Nah INSANE MOM: Little reminder fee. If I have to remind you every time, it's going to cost you. ADULT CHILD: Nah INSANE MOM: Come do it now, please. And bring my money. ADULT CHILD: Yeah if I'm not allowed to charge you for making me scrape up my hand to empty the vacuum you're not allowed to charge me for this. INSANE MOM: You don't want to go there. I gave birth, I've been peed on, pooped on, and bitten. ADULT CHILD: Wow, you took care of an infant you chose to have. - TouCam_theDestroyer
Most parents' goal is to outsmart the estranged children they're trying to see, right?INSANE DAD: I will not be bothered nor expected to put up with the stuff you send my way. Good night. ADULT CHILD: The stuff I send your way? LOL like what? INSANE DAD: Suck it up buttercup. ADULT CHILD: This is why I don't talk to you. INSANE DAD: That works for me. INSANE DAD: The reason you don't respond is because you don't have an intelligent response. ADULT CHILD: Excuse me? INSANE DAD: I would suggest a review of kindergarten, you might get it. INSANE DAD: Do not phone me. INSANE DAD: You are so disrespectful. INSANE DAD: I refuse to get into a gunfight with an unarmed person. INSANE DAD: That would be you. ADULT CHILD: Wow. How dare you INSANE DAD: A battle of wits got your attention INSANE DAD: Love you too goodnight ADULT CHILD: F*ck you INSANE DAD: Sorry must be over your head. INSANE DAD: A battle of wits with an unarmed person would be you. - Necroevy
"Young lady, we will not have PORTABLE DIGITAL INFORMATION in this house!"
via: RedditINSANE MOM: Your father was getting the trash out of your room and found this [the above picture]. We are extremely disappointed. Come home now. KID: MOM LMAO THAT'S A FLASH DRIVE INSANE MOM: I highly doubt that. INSANE MOM: Call me right now. - LmFaOpk
"I just want you to be SAFE."INSANE MOM: Have you seen all the deaths and statistics on vapors? INSANE MOM: If you need to smoke, just smoke a cigarette. - XL_Grizzly
Baaaad move, mom.A normal mom relayed this story of an insane mom: So... 13-year-old son going to the cinema with friends. One of the friends' mom, because she's never met the boys before, wants them all to individually take a pic of themselves and send to her son's phone so she can see what they look like before she decides if her son can go. - Importanceofbeinidle
At least this picture will make these children's' future therapists' jobs easier.
via: RedditI could really use help raising the money for my boob job. I am saving every penny and buying myself nothing until I reach my goal. If every one of my Facebook friends donates just two dollars I'll reach my goal! Thanks in advance. - Latino_Gang101