The Funniest and Weirdest Things My Kids Have Said | 22 Words

Anyone who has ever been a parent can attest to the fact that they have been humiliated in one way or another by their child. Most times, this comes in the form of verbal embarrassment.

Kids have no filters. None. Their little minds will think something, and they will spit it out at any given time. So, be prepared. BE. VERY. PREPARED!

It is likely they will say something that will catch you completely off guard. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it is weird, and other times– it's hurtful.

Here’s a little list of some things my own kids have said to me over the years.

"You have a fat belly!"

I’m an average sized person, but after the birth of my second child my pooch stuck out for many months after. My daughter, who was 3.5-years-old at the time reminded me of it whenever she could.

“You can’t play with us because you’re an adult."

If my daughters are playing nice together and I ask to join in, they remind me of my age and tell me adults do not “play."

“I’m marrying Dada. You’ll have to find a new husband."

My oldest has said this to me a few times now. I always inform her it really doesn’t work that way.

“Boogers are good. Do they have protein in them?"

My daughter enjoys her boogers because they are "salty." But unfortunately, boogers do not fall into any food group.

"Him is mean to me."

I hear this expression any time my 3-year-old is scolded by her father.

“Chocolate is really good for your body."

I must’ve told my girls once that dark chocolate has health benefits. Now they think that any form of chocolate is good for them. *facepalm*

“Daddy looks like a little boy."

I mean in her defense, sometimes he acts like one. Shhh! Just don't tell him I said that.

“You always have such big dark circles!"

If you would let me sleep in, child– I would not have them! Thank the Lord for concealer.

“My sister doesn’t have any hair on her body."

Surely that is not true. Infants are super soft though, aren’t they?!

“I think you need a timeout, Mama."

My daughter has said this to me more times than I care to admit. It usually comes when I am very upset about something.

“My feet smell like Mac n’ Cheese."

My 3-year-old says this about her feet whenever she takes her socks off. And they do have a cheesy odor.

“I took a dump at school."

I tell my kids not to hold in their bodily functions, so if they have to poop or fart at school– they should. And I’m pretty sure she learned this expression from her father.

“Oh my God, you’re SO old!"

My daughter told me this when I turned 39 this year... after I blew out my candles.

“We’re very poor."

I hear this any time I tell my oldest she can’t have a toy because we have to watch our spending. Usually, she says this to the Target cashier.

“I want to be a mermaid when I grow up."

Mermaids are pretty cool! And they can breathe underwater. Sign me up!

"I burpted."

My daughter says this every single time she burps (since I can remember). She is almost seven. I don't have it in me to correct her.

"Look at this food in my mouth!"

For some reason, kids think seeing chewed up food is hilarious. It's not. It's really not.

"I want you to wipe me. I don't want that turd on my hand."

See, they don't even want to wipe their own butts! Have kids. It'll be fun they said. Pffttt.

"Can I go back in your tummy?"

This makes me smile. But no, sorry kid. Once you exit– there is no going back!

"I am never shaving my legs when I grow up. I'll just be hairy."

Good. Your father and I don't have to worry about you dating then!

"My tongue is bleeding! I need a band-aid!"

Yikes! Those things don't work inside the mouth like that.

"I like my birthday suit."

What can I say? The girl has confidence. We should all love our birthday suits.

"Santa is chubby"

He does eat a lot of cookies! Maybe we should leave him some carrots instead?

"Can I have two moms?"

Come again? While I would like the help, I don't feel like sharing your father.

"I need a boon for my cereal."

I will be OK if my child calls a "spoon" a "boon" for the rest of her life. #priceless

"I want a popsicle for breakfast!"

Sugar and water is not the best way to start one's day, but, I bet many parents have allowed their kid to have a popsicle in the morning.

"I like to dissect my hotdog before I eat it."

I mean, it is good to know what we put into our body. But, nobody cares to truly know what's inside of a hotdog.

"When I cry, it's like my eyes are sweating."

Indeed it is wet. Thank goodness tears do not have an odor. Can you imagine if they did though?

"I am ready to be an adult now."

Why do kids think being a grown-up is so great? Adulting is hard AF! If I had the chance, I would've stayed a kid forever.

"I don't eat broccoli because it looks like little trees. And we don't eat trees."

Who can argue with this logic? They DO look like trees.