Tweets From People Whose Friends Have All Gotten Married

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The single life can be hard, especially when there are no other single people around to hang out or help you do the things a partner would do for you. I was single for a long time, and now I have a partner, and let me tell you it is so nice to just scream, “SPIDER!” and have someone else deal with it rather than having to squish that monster myself. I guess there are other benefits to being in a relationship too… I just can’t think of any other specifics at the moment.

When you are single, you don’t really notice being single if there are other single people around. But once your single friends start finding mates and becoming lazy hermits like all people in relationships eventually do, you start to realize that being the last single person in a friend group is not necessarily all that great. It can get lonely. Luckily, there are other people out there who recognize the struggle, so you probably aren’t as alone in this as you think.

No one wants to be this guy.

When you’re the last single person in the friend group, people pity you whether you’re totally content with your single status or not.

“Thanks for the trash”

This is so true! Married friends should stop printing and sending those cards, and people who receive those cards should stop pretending to like them.

Solo sunscreen mission

Again, there are practical reasons to want someone else around. This is one of them. No one wants a sunburnt back.

Waving hello

This is so funny. I would honestly watch this TV show. The Prince, the Princess, and Britney, Thursdays at 9 on ABC!

Third wheel

I don’t know that Antoni, Kate, and Pete knew they were giving us such a gift when this photo was taken, but I hope they know that now.

So long, partner

This tweet made me laugh really hard, from a place deep inside. I think it’s the sad look on Woody’s face that really did it.

Beatles songs

This is so true. You don’t want to seem like you copied anyone. It’s either this or “Yellow Submarine,” probably.


Wow, you don’t have to broadcast your relationship status to everyone like that, toilet. Let’s try to be sensitive here.

Leave me alone

Just go. Save yourselves. Go frolic with your partners through the field. Leave me to wither and die alone over here.

“Let’s leave”

My trick is always having a dog I need to get home to, but at this point my friends know that my bedtime is like, 9:30 at the latest.


I will look my friend in the eye and say to her very seriously, “If the ship goes down, you take that whole door for yourself, do you hear me?”

Hang out

If you are the last single friend and you happen to have rich married friends, take full advantage of that before their funds start going toward divorce lawyers.

Mic drop

Listen, I’m practically married and I still often have cake for breakfast. Get yourself a better partner!

Marrying you off

If you get married, your married friends will have nothing to talk about anymore. You being single is saving their relationship.

Listening in

You just gotta jump in and be part of the conversation! Don’t let their married status scare you off.

“Accidental” relationship

Oops! Your last single friend accidentally broke the pact and is now in a relationship. Guess you have one fewer friend now.

Valentine’s Day

Honestly, all of this sounds great, even the crying. Crying is one of my favorite activities.


If the only other single person you know of is Rihanna, you might need to get a few more single friends.


This is one option! If your married friends adopt you, they basically have to let you hang out with them.

Alone at a party

Raise your hand if you’ve been that one person at a table watching two other people make out in front of you. If you’re Antoni from Queer Eye, I better see that hand raised.

Pop and drink

When you are the last last single person in the friend group, there’s really nothing left to do but impressively flick the cap off a bottle and start drinking.

Wait up!

I never thought about this! But if you aren’t having kids at the same time as your friends, your kids might not get to be friends!

Majestic unicycle

You are not a third a wheel. You are a majestic unicycle. Repeat that to yourself three times, then go out with your married friends and have a great time.

Couples’ vacations

This is perfect! Plan a couples’ vacation and then go alone and get twice the stuff for yourself! That’s how it works, right?

Natural roommate

It’s expensive to be single! I totally get this. I guess you could live with roommates, but what adult wants to do that?

Alone forever

You are never alone forever if you have a dog. Or a cat. Or a fish. Really any pet makes a suitable companion.

“Excellent at being single”

Knowing how to take care of your friends just makes you a great person. Not a mom or a wife specifically.

Fun texts

9 p.m.?! Is that when kids go to bed? My kids are going to bed at 7:30 p.m. so I can have half an hour to myself before I pass out.

Bleak web series

At this point, everyone on Facebook is like 80 years old, so they are all married. The Last Single Person on Instagram is the real tragedy.


You won’t be single for that long if you don’t want to be! Share this with another lonely single person.