Why Office Christmas Parties Are the Absolute Worst

Share on Facebook

Even if its theme isn’t The Office and you’re not stressed about finding the perfect gift as somebody’s Secret Santa, I’m sure there is something that makes you cringe whenever you think about that upcoming Christmas party.

It’s not that you don’t like the people you work with, because you really do. It’s just that there’s a difference between a ‘party’ and an ‘office party’. But your CEO doesn’t seem to know it. And when your managers and booze get together, well, trouble is bound to happen.

The party usually goes one of two ways. One, you carefully count the number of drinks you have and act like the perfectly responsible employee you know you are not. Or two, you go all-in and the next morning start looking for a new job. There’s no in-between.

But this gamble is just one of many, many reasons why office Christmas parties should not be a thing.

Oh, the anxiety.

Should I drink? Should I not? “Should I stay or should I go?” What if I have a couple of drinks but lose count and do something really embarrassing and everyone will think I’m an alcoholic party animal and I get fired? But what if I don’t drink and get bored and they think I’m boring and I end up a loner like Bob from Accounting?

And even more anxiety.

“If I go, there will be trouble. And if I stay it will be double…” Rumor has it, he kept one of his promises. But which one?

When you know what they like, but don’t want to get them in trouble.

Here’s a tip. Don’t start a new job right before Christmas. Because gifts. And Secret Santa. And new co-workers you know nothing about.


Especially those that come with free snacks. Carb traps. Carb traps everywhere.

Festive Christmas decorations and the Christmas spirit.

You know the party’s going to be real fun when your office is running on a tight budget and no time.

Another one to prove my point.

I must admit, this one is quite genius. Doesn’t improve my expectations for the party, though.

Dancing in front of your colleagues and managers.

Yeah, your usual white-girl-at-the-club dance moves don’t cut it anymore, so you have to go to uncle Google for advice on what’s appropriate on a professional dance floor.

This might also be needed.

Since a lot of truth comes out and inhibition ceases during company parties, it’s not uncommon to be called into the HR office the next day.

You see a whole new side of your co-workers.

It’s not just you who lets your alter ego come out once the drinks kick in. And sometimes you want to see that. But most of the time you don’t.

Some of us feel excluded.

Those who have Christmas parties at the office hate it. And those who don’t wish they did. Wouldn’t it be easier to not have work parties at all?

The dress code.

You love dressing up for Christmas parties, except you don’t. And even if you did, you know you would never come up with something as creative as the one above.

It also doesn’t let you express yourself.

I would say, go for it. Because I don’t work with you.

The entertainment.

Games like that are great for small office parties. But companies with hundreds of employees are left with only drinking and… No, just drinking.

The music.

When it comes to music, office Christmas parties always use either traditional Christmas songs or the 2008 era. Please, do stop the music.

You might not even get a gift.

It’s bad enough they let them go just before Christmas. But when they’re also somebody’s Secret Santa?! That’s over the line. Susan from HR will hear about this.

It’s awkward.

Christmas parties at the office are weird. On Friday you’re Michael and Phyllis, but on Monday you’re back to your regular Kelly.

However, there might still hope.

I will only attend an office Christmas party on one condition. Somebody hit that guy up. Why beans, though?

Office party for one, please.

An original idea for the Christmas party theme — everybody is their own Secret Santa. I’m not even kidding. It’s a great opportunity to be spontaneous and treat yourself with something fun and unexpected.

Lots of unexpressed anger there, aye?

I’m not even sure if it’s a joke or not. The fact that axe throwing dominated with twice the amount of votes the other options had (out of nearly 700 voters!) is quite concerning.

There’s a solution for the single.

Who needs a real relationship when you can have a pretend one? For all you know, a fake date could be much more romantic. It will definitely be fun, though.

And a solution for the drunk.

He’s not wrong. And you might find the party much more enjoyable.

And a solution for the bored.

Some people do know how to have fun at an employee party. Too bad you never get to see them again after.

But no matter what you do, the next morning’s going to be rough.

Especially if you work part-time on weekends and the party takes place the night before.

And you’ll have to face everybody again.

Who knows, maybe he is. And maybe everyone already knew that.

And the aftermaths of your poor problem-solving skills.

I wonder what their first conversation the next day was like. Did he summon the demon eventually? Did he tell her about it?

And the aftermaths of your poor decision making.

At least the lap dance was free. Or was it?

Then it will get worse.

These stories will be forever passed around the office. Future generations will know them. Bob from Accounting will know them.

That is, if you survive the night.

Emergency services are busiest around holidays. Almost every company holds a Christmas party. And they say it’s students that are the rowdiest.

The next morning will be so bad that you might just have to do what this guy did to get through.

Hiding in your castle of shame and regret. But at the end of the day, when the hangover is over and the flashbacks are too…

…You’ll find out about the photos.

Memories for you and evidence for HR. And you won’t know how to feel about that.