Be it on a first date, on a job interview, or the first time you're meeting your future in-laws, anyone who's lived an even sort of interesting life has got a couple of stories they regularly tell. You know what I'm talking about — those wacky, wild tales about when something went wrong, or when something unbelievable occurred, or when you went out with the friends you'll never forget on a night you'll never remember.

The point is, we all have our stories, and we love to tell 'em. But you need an opening — a similar topic that comes up to act as your jumping-off point. But that opportunity doesn't arise. And it's frustrating.

That's why the internet provided its fellow users with a forum — this AskReddit thread gave users the chance to spill their best stories that they never get a chance to tell. They're all true, and they're all fascinating.

Kindness can come from anywhere.

My family was once rescued from a hurricane by a Colombian drug lord. We lived aboard a boat and our engine went out while Wilma was forming around us. We ended up having to do an emergency tack into a hurricane hole that was in his territory. He helped us fix our engine, gave us advice on our next trek so we could avoid waters that were pirate infested, and invited us to his house for dinner. I wish I knew his name because my family would have been in serious danger were it not for his kindness. - queermoth

Don't blink. Wink?

I always knew my great grandfather as the guy who lost his eye at an accident with a fire cracker. This Christmas I found out that it saved his life twice. Once, because he had tickets for the titanic, which he then missed because of the accident and the second time, when he was supposed to fight in WWI. He went to the office where he was supposed to sign up for it, told them that he was disabled, which they did not believe. So he took his glass eye out of the socket and placed it in front of the officers. So yeah, losing an eye isn’t the worst that could happen. - littleberlinprincess

Ouzo is very strong.

Drank two and a half glasses of ouzo and some beer, then got thirsty and drank a lot — and I mean a LOT — of water. Next morning collapsed in the bathroom and ended up in a coma for 1.5 days. Turned out I got water poisoning. Could have died because of the booze and later because of the water but survived both. Moral of the story: with heavy booze use small glasses. - -N30-

Baaaaaah-d idea.

I worked at a hospital as a doctor's assistant in the orthopedics department. This one time there was a patient who stole a bunch of sheep and when he was cornered by the police he grabbed one and jumped off of a bridge. When asked why he said, "I thought sheep are soft like clouds so nothing will happen to me". Needless to say he broke every single bone in his body. - MottiBanana

I could never get the straw inside.

I was hanging out at the river with my friends drinking a Capri Sun when I was eight and a grown man we didn't know pointed at me and yelled "Ayeeee, that kid drinkin' Capri Sun." My friends started laughing and one of his friends yelled "Is it good?" To this day, I can't drink Capri Sun around those friends without someone saying "Ayeeee, that kid drinkin' Capri Sun." - FOB_cures_my_sadness

A true nightmare.

My first house I lived at out of college had a bunch of guys above up we were really good friends with. One night I'm home alone and there's a knock on the door. I open it to a huge man in a clown mask, painted black, and grunting. Now I'm not a fighter or anything like that. None the less I ripped off the mask and threw a punch. Only from me to pull my punch at the last moment. It was one of the upstairs guys! He went around for the rest of the night telling anyone who would listen. "Dude don't scare the chick downstairs" Probably the only badass thing I've done in my life. - Helpneededthrow1

How do you know?

I was with a friend of mine depositing a bunch of checks one time. He said, “Careful, someone is going to think you’re a drug dealer with all of those checks." I said, “I would not accept checks if I was selling drugs." The teller said, “Right? It’s hard enough to get drug dealers to accept US currency." - Koalabella

There has to be a code in here somewhere...

When I wake up, I usually check my phone, roll around for a bit, and then get up. But sometimes when I wake up I see hexagons, Like, golden/white hexagons that are transparent in the middle. It's not only in the center of my vision, BUT EVERYWHERE. They are kinda shiny and then they fade one by one. I'm 100 percent sure I wasn't sleeping and this already happened twice now. They last for about 3-6 seconds but it is super weird. I told my family about this and I guess they didn't really believe me, but when I googled it and found out that there's people like me out there, I guess they did. - Ash_eep

It's a digital age.

A couple years ago in university I had a girl in my sculpture class ask me what time it was. I didn’t have my phone on me or my glasses so I pointed her to the analogue clock on the wall. She looked me dead in the face and said she didn’t know how to read analogue clocks; she could only understand digital. I couldn’t contain my reaction and stood there dumbfounded. She was at least 20+ and never took a couple minutes to figure out how. She graduated around the same time as me; she has a bachelors degree but can’t read a f*cking clock. - _ON_CARPET

Just... stare... at the ground...

I noticed that whenever I’d order Jimmy John’s for delivery, the drivers were either really uptight when I’d answer the door, or seemed very uninterested and wouldn’t look at me. This was surprising, because I try to be really nice to service industry people. I was doing a group order and wanted to make a note in the comments section to bring extra napkins when I finally pieced it all together. My account had an old comment still in the “special instructions" tab, saying “Do not make eye contact at the door." I must’ve made it with my friends when we were drunk as a joke and forgotten. That means the past dozen orders or so all had that attached to the order ticket without me knowing. - Technical-Drink

Trying to help is pretty crazy.

I saw an old man drive out of a gas station with the gas hose still in the tank. It ripped clear away and was dangling from his car as he drove down the street. I figured I'd better catch up and tell. So I pull up alongside and roll down the passenger window to yell at him and point to the back of the car. Well, I must have put a hell of a fright into his passenger, an elderly woman I'm assuming was his wife. And she's yelling at the guy, "It's a crazy person! Drive away! Drive away!" And they floor it, like all the way up to 40 kph. And I'm just sitting there going, "Meh, they'll figure it out when they get home." - Patches67

I'm sure that delivery guy's seen worse.

One time I was REALLY engaged in a video game and also very hungry. I didn't want to cook, so I ordered Dominoes only to realize that they could show up mid-game. So I threw in the special instructions of "just let yourself in, I'm on the couch." I was immediately overcome with shame when I realized how lazy and asinine that was. I had a cooler of beers next to me, so when the pizza guy knocked I just propped my foot up on the coffee table and threw an ice pack on my knee. The dude saw me and had a look of "oh, now I get it" and left without questions. - SpaceCowboy58

A wholesome little scare.

I was going for a walk at midnight in a pretty bad neighborhood when a vehicle started coming from behind. As they got closer to me they kept getting slower and slower. Then they completely stopped, right next to me. I was thinking, "Well these situations don't end up very good" and trying to figure out whether I was about to get verbally insulted, jumped, or some other bad thing. I slowly glanced over to see a car full of young men, the passenger's side window rolls down and a dude says, "Hey buddy I hope you're having a great night" and he gives me a thumbs up before driving off. - krustytheklown

This is how I die.

I heard an uneasy laugh from my bedroom ceiling when I was 10. - Coltiplayer

"Why should you get to avoid my pain?"

One time, I ate at a terrible restaurant. When I went to give my online review, I decided to give it maximum stars on everything. The reason I did this, is because I wanted people to go through the same awful experience I did. - CapnCook97

Grandpa loved Old Blue more than he loved Dad.

One day my grandpa and my dad were in my grandpas truck, Old Blue. While my grandpa is in the store, a car pulled up and when the driver opened the door, it hit Old Blue and left a dent. When my grandpa came back... “Dad, a person dented your door." “THAT SON OF A B*TCH." This dude grabs a towel, puts it on the side of the passenger side door and... WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM. He had hit the other car several times with his door and left a huge-ass dent in the other guy’s driver side door. - Spooktober_Spooks

Gotta teach them a lesson.

I got the cops called on me at three years old. I was at Party City and had no food that day. I turn around and there were these Now & Laters in single packed, so I took one and ate it without any though and saved a couple for the road. When we got to the car my brother heard a rattle in a cupholder (I had put the Now & Laters there) and he said I had some candy. My mom took me back to the store and they called the cops because they said it was "a crime" but I was three and didn't know better. - DormantB3ing

Group-mind is a powerful thing.

Once, in 4th grade, the teacher was trying to get one student to tell a story she had told before. Teacher said "c'mon! Everyone is sitting at the edge of our seats!" And all at once, in perfect unison, every student quickly shifted to the edge of their seats. I guess it was a subconscious group effort to get the one student to share her story. Not even sure if she did. But I remember all of us moving to the edge of our seats so distinctly. - high_larry_us

Dude, nice.

I bought a deck of cards from my school with our mascot on them for $1. My friend bought them from me for $5 and he sold them to his brother for $20. - asimard300

Recruit THIS.

One time I was with my buddy at the mall and while we were sitting on a bench, we were approached by four individuals. They were telling us about their cult/religion weird thing they had going on and invited us to their “farm" because they wanted to teach (indoctrinate) us. My buddy and I listened to the 20 minute long spiel and at the conclusion they asked, “So? What do you say?" Before I could say anything, my friend just says, “Pull my finger." And extends it to him. The four kind of looked at each other confused and then politely obliged. As soon as they pulled, my buddy sh*t himself. Literally sh*t. Right then and there. It was bad. And we started crying and then they just left disgusted! He said he had to go the whole time they were talking and just couldn’t hold it anymore. Since he'd just bought new clothes, he went to the bathroom and changed. Needless to say, we didn’t join a weird cult that day. - SHAKINmyGOODIES

Special tactics come in handy.

I got hit by car. I should have died, but I only walked away with a scratch. Everyone who’s heard the story has been dumbfounded as to how I survived. But I survived based off of weird tips I learned online that saved my life. - MagicalCacti What were the weird tips? - BlueWhisp Stay like jelly and roll with it, keep your body loose, and don’t stiffen or flex. Also, roll into the crash like a ball and let your main body take the blow. I took it on the side of my thighs. - MagicalCacti

"Lovely necklace, Eunice! Where might I get one?"

My grandmother had her gallbladder removed and asked the surgeon if she could keep the several large gallstones that were inside. She then had them dipped in gold and wears them as a necklace. - berner-sennenhund

This man is a ghost.

I don't register to automatic doors/sinks/toilets or touch screens. I never have, not even once. It's not as big a deal as you'd think, since I go everywhere with family and friends and always carry a stylus. But if I go somewhere that only has an auto-flush toilet, it's pretty anxiety-inducing. - TheRealGlamdamnit

And this man is a psychopath.

I dated a guy once who told me when he was 7 he was home alone and got hungry. There was nothing to eat so he grabbed his goldfish from the tank and cooked it on a pan. He said it tasted bad so he threw it away. Poor goldfish. - sloffsloff

Luck runs out.

My dad went to a convenience store as a child, and bought a bag of Cheetos. When he finished the bag, he saw there was a scratch tag at the bottom, so he scratched it, and, voila! He'd won the second bag of Cheetos. ​So he starts eating that one, scratches the tag at the bottom, and, boom! A third bag! So, my dad gets yet another bag and finishes it. It happens again. And again. And again. Eventually his Cheetos streak eventually runs out, but not before he ate seven to eight bags of Cheetos. He went home, almost threw up, and got rashes. - ZombieRedditer9188

Not all mysteries can be solved.

When I was 7 years old, I was playing on the deck in our backyard when all of the sudden a silver sphere, maybe the size of a golf ball, flew up and over the roof and then slowly flew across by the railing. It was dead silent. Then it flew up and over the trees into the neighbor's backyard and disappeared. It was really strange and I've never seen anything like it since. This was back in the early '90s too, so no drones or anything were present. All I could think of was that maybe it was an alien ship's surveillance or something. - necessary_river

Havin' a weird night.

I once walked about nine miles at 3 AM to see my girlfriend because I was worried about her. It took like four hours. When I arrived, I wrote her to say I needed a tissue, so we met at her door and she got me a tissue and I continued walking towards my grandmother's house, around half a mile away. It was like 8 AM and she asked me ironically, "how did you get here, did you walk? haha." - HfA_NexuzZ

What kind of sorcery...?

When I was 15, a magician wanted to do a trick on me where he would teleport a coin into my hand. I was at a dinner table for a party with a ton of friends. The magician instructed me to hold my hand up, above the table, and make a fist. He then closed his fist, with the coin in it. After a few seconds, he instructed me to open my fist. During this time, no one had moved. I opened my hand and the coin was in my hand. He opened his, and it was empty. - r_bk

Who's in charge here?

When we were around six, my friend told me to hold his dog's leash while he walked home for something. I had never held a dog on a leash at this point, so I just let this dog lead the way. Also, I didn’t have any control of the dog. We ended up very close to a busy intersection. Then I see some random old lady. She asked if I was lost and I said yes. Also I didn’t have shoes on, so that looked weird. The lady drove me home and my family has no idea to this day. Been almost 10 years. - LogieC17

Now that's what I call a scapegoat.

Last New Year's Eve I was dancing with a girl and she swung her hair back and it got all in my mouth. Now is probably a good time to mention I had gum in as well. And her hair took my gum hostage right away. I instantly stepped back and kind of gave an “oh sh*t" when, to my surprise, another guy started dancing with her. She looked back to see who it was and in that same moment, noticed the gum. She was so mad she smacked the other guy in the face and stormed off to the bathroom. So if you see this dude, I’m sorry about that but it all happened so fast. And I didn’t wanna get slapped too. - xiRadium