A woman has come forward and revealed her experiences and feelings as a “demisexual” person…
And this new kind of sexuality has certainly divided opinion online.
Scroll on to find out exactly what it means to be demisexual…
Now, we all know that when it comes to a person’s sexuality…
The spectrum is endless.
Sexuality is the way in which a person identifies.
And it’s also how someone experiences sexual and romantic attraction, as well as their preferences around romantic relationships and behavior.
There are approximately forty-six different types of sexualities that have been identified over the years…
But there are still certain sexualities out there that remain unexplained.
“Demisexuality” is one of them…
And one woman has decided to open up about her experiences and feelings as a demisexual person.
Well, her explanation has divided many opinions…
With a handful of people applauding her for her honesty and for finally explaining what identifying as demisexual really means.
On the other hand, however, some haven’t been taking her seriously…
And have insisted that demisexuality isn’t a sexuality at all.
“I always thought I was broken.”
Amanda Finn penned an article for HuffPost to explain her sexuality and she started by describing what it was like to grow up without realizing she was demisexual.
“Growing up, when friends always talked about a celebrity being ‘hot,’ I went along with it but didn’t understand how they felt. I have never looked at a famous person, a friend, or a stranger and thought ‘wow, you’re sexy.’ Not once. I had crushes, sure, but they never had to do with someone’s appearance. I thought other people were cute only after I developed feelings for them because of their personality.”
“My friends would gush over the cute guys in school, and I played along. I trusted them entirely so I figured if they thought those boys were cute, they had to be. Right? I never fully understood what it was that was so appealing to them. They were usually nice but I had no idea why my friends wanted to kiss them. I knew close to nothing about most of them. There was no inkling of sexual or physical attraction to people I didn’t know very well even after puberty.”
“And now, as an adult, I realize that’s exactly what demisexuality is.”
“I’m attracted to someone only after I develop a deeper emotional connection with them. I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve kissed in my life or have even been attracted to and I have no problem with that number. In no way do I feel that I’ve missed out because, to my body’s inclination, I’d much rather have a seven-hour long conversation with someone than be physically intimate with them.”
“The best way to describe it is I am attracted to a person’s personality, not their physical appearance.”
Amanda explained that for a sexual person, there can be an immediate spark with another person when they first meet.
“For asexual people, those sparks tend not to happen at all, even after time passes. For me, I have only ever gotten that butterflies in the stomach feeling when I’ve known someone really well, and we’ve both shown romantic interest in one another.”
“I’m a romantic at heart. I’ve just never been a ‘lock eyes in the bar with a stranger’ kind of romantic.”
“As a demisexual person, when I first meet someone, I just see them. I don’t see their physical characteristics as anything more than just part of who they are. You have great abs? Neat. You have a chiseled jaw? Okay, whatever. It isn’t until I start to get to know what is behind the eyes looking back at me that those physical features catch my eye. I knew I wasn’t asexual for that reason. I do feel attraction, it just takes me a while to get there.”
Amanda started dating her first boyfriend when she was sixteen and it gave her her first sense of attraction.
“For the first time in my life, someone was really invested in who I was to my very core and wanted to know everything about me,” she said, “The more I got to know him, the more beautiful he became in my eyes. Like any other naive high school girl in love, I doted on him. I finally thought I understood what my friends saw in their boyfriends or girlfriends. Maybe this was just my one person for life, I was just lucky enough to find him so young?”
“This school sweetheart was my partner for about 6 years. Our extremely ugly official breakup happened months after I started disconnecting emotionally because I knew in my gut he was cheating.”
“After this, I was thrown back into this whirlwind of not understanding who I was. Being attracted to someone, for me, involves a lot of personal emotional investment. And as a monogamous person, I have no interest in pursuing other people when I’m in a committed relationship,” Amanda said.
“On top of being furious, I was more confused than I ever had been. The only person I had been attracted to was this partner. Regardless of how close I became to other people, I only had those feelings towards him. Demisexuals typically don’t do one-night stands or have flings. We build our physical relationships from pieces of our emotional ones.”
“I started to question everything about my sexuality: Was I broken? Is it normal to not find people attractive in general?”
“A word. There was a word for it. There was this sudden feeling of relief to have a word for what I felt, what I’d been feeling. I was twenty-three, and I finally knew how to explain myself to other people. Demisexual. I am and always have been demisexual. There was nothing wrong with me at all.”
Amanda opened up about how online dating – in particular OkCupid – was a godsend.
“Online dating gave me the opportunity to get to know someone before even considering a date with them. If we hit it off for a while by messaging there was a much better chance we’d connect in real life. I had some unsuccessful attempts at dating. Then, I met the man I married on OkCupid.”
She then concluded with:
“Little by little, I’ve told friends as it seemed appropriate, and I’ve found it’s often something they have not heard of or are curious about. I’m grateful that, just like the wonderful man I married, it hasn’t changed how they’ve reacted to me. I’m especially grateful that it hasn’t stopped anyone from spilling their guts about crazy weekends.
“Demi or not, I’m still me.”