All couples argue. It's healthy to let your partner know how you feel, right? Communication is key.
What happened on this plane ride to Hawaii, however, is not what I'd call a healthy exchange between two lovers...
What began as a stern assertion that the guy had been looking at another woman on the plane escalated ten-fold, leading to the lady-lover brandishing her Dell laptop - which, having owned one myself, I can assure you, is a pretty hefty device - and smacking her boyfriend over the head with it.
If you've had a possessive, jealous partner, maybe you'll be able to relate. For those that are fortunate enough to have only dated considerate, chill people, take these stories that I'm about to tell you as a warning! I don't want any of you guys to get whacked over the head by a stealthy and reasonably priced, albeit bulky, Dell laptop.
Seriously, you'll see when you watch the video below, that must have hurt.
Let's take this moment to explore some of the most shocking instances of possessive partners to grace internet discussion boards and consider why anger and love can be so interchangeable for some people.
Let's start with the classic "spying" ex.We could write an entire catalog full of these kinds of scenarios. Breaking up with a possessive ex is never going to be easy. If you've ever had an ex that felt as though they owned you, you'll know what I mean, especially with the curse of our online, public-facing profiles available to our exes anytime they want access.
Stalking your ex on social media doesn't make you a bad person.It's no easy thing to let someone go, and while, back in the day, a bit of distance and a change in habits would see exes fade into the past, the curse of our universal online presence makes it much harder for anyone to become history. According to The MindShift Foundation’s Clinical Psychologist, Dr Lars Madsen, “A third of people involved in a relationship admitted that they ‘very often’ looked at their current partner’s Facebook page, and about the same number admitted they Facebook-stalked an ex-partner at least once a week."
The truth is, though, that it only ever makes you feel lousy.There's nothing positive to be had from stalking your ex on social media. Whatever they're getting up to is none of your business anymore. And who's social media is ever a true reflection of their life anyway? If you really want to know how your ex is, you're better off checking in with them (in a none-stalkerish way). And if you don't want to check in with your ex, don't go trying to find a middle ground by snooping on their socials.
One boyfriend took online stalking to the next level...In a Reddit thread discussing people's most extreme cases of possessive/jealous partners, one girl experienced a cringe-worthy encounter with her ex-boyfriend.
Do not give your iCloud password to whoever you're seeing.If Reddit user, telanderb, teaches us anything with her story, it's that, even when you're in the throws of love, sharing your iCloud password with your lover isn't a great idea. She recounts: "My boyfriend knew my iCloud password so when we weren't together he would check my 'find my iPhone' every twenty minutes. He didn't realize at the time that I got an email every time he checked it." And, in case you were wondering whether the couple stayed together, telanderb assured the board: "We did break up pretty much immediately after that."
For a possessive partner, being told that it's over doesn't mean squat.There are many accounts of exes trying to carry on the argument long after their partners have left the room. Trawling through their messages and friend lists by hacking into their accounts appears to be a common trend.
"I'll prove that you cheated on me!" "Dude, we broke up three years ago, let it go."Reddit user, "AhemExcuseMeSir," had one of these ex-boyfriends. Not only was he possessive and jealous while they were together, but when they broke up, he continued trying to prove that she had been unfaithful: "Same guy - I once woke up to about 30 missed calls and texts and was locked out of my MySpace account because of too many failed login attempts. My ex was convinced I had cheated on him when we had been together and wanted access to my account to read all of my messages RIGHT THEN. And the fact I didn’t respond (at 2am) meant that I was hiding something."
"The kid is mine!"Even more intense than an ex hacking into your social media is one that believes that a child that you have three years after breaking up with them, must be their's.
Dude, do the math.One Reddit user's niece experienced something just like that: "My niece's ex was a jealous POS. He tried to break into the maternity ward where they kept the newborn to try and prove that it was his kid, despite the fact that they haven't been in contact for over 3 years. He also tried to sue for custody a couple years later." Lord almighty, if that story doesn't put you off dating forever, I don't know what will.
Similarly to the laptop-smacking lady, other people take issue with their beloved looking at someone else.I don't know about you, but I don't believe that dating someone should mean that you have to keep your eyes on the ground at all times. What's wrong with looking at people? You're probably not imagining what it would be like to hook up with them. More often than not, you're probably staring at the mustard on their chin or wondering where they got their shirt from.
Eyes on the road...Reddit user, Spiderette, had a lucky escape from this guy: "If I was driving and stopped at a light, he'd accuse me of 'checking out' pedestrians. No, it's called being aware, I'm not actually eyeing f***ing the homeless man crossing the street." This dude also took the social media stalking to the extreme. She "stupidly let him on [her] Facebook," thinking that it would show that she had nothing to hide. It didn't help; "he just started secretly unfriending any male."
"If we're the only people on the planet, then, maybe, you wouldn't cheat!"This logic is flawed (to put it mildly), and yet it doesn't stop possessive partners from thinking that, by isolating their beloved from other people, they will remain together. Reddit user, totemokawaiine, had a manipulative ex, too: "He thought to have pictures of your family or friends was stupid and showed that you only love them on the surface??? For some reason, if you have a picture of ANYONE else other than him, it meant I was being fake on me caring about him. Probably typical, but he wouldn't let me have male friends or hang out with even my male cousins or gay friends. The fact that they have penises proves they can have sex with you." But really - cousins.
"Stop callin' / Stop callin' / I don't wanna think anymore."Maybe Lady Gaga had the kind of ex that wouldn't hang up the phone... After reading all of these accounts this afternoon, I feel like maybe getting a new phone should be on everyone's list of things to after ridding themselves of their possessive ex.
The blame game...One Reddit user, snugginator, was not only bombarded with calls from her ex, but he also blamed her for a child that he had three years later. Yeeesh. "I had to move out of the city and he would call me for 3 yrs afterward. I tried to block his number but he would just get a new one, and I didn't want to get a new one because I've had my number forever and I didn't want to let him win I guess. I just stopped answering calls from the area code. He finally called and left a message telling me that he knocked some girl up and it was my fault (3 yrs later). I haven't heard from him since. That guy needs a lifetime of therapy."
A partner that is constantly checking up on you can be exhausting...As many people know, getting the balance of having time apart while being in constant communication via cell phone can be tricky. Some partners take checking in to another, extremely possessive level. Sunshineforseniors said: "Forgot my phone at home while out for errands and came back to 120 missed calls." _Hawkeye_ had a similar story: "I had gone for a girls night with my sister and her husband's sister... We went to a new wine bar where every 10 minutes I had to take a selfie showing it was just us 3 and send it to him.... He started arguing with me because there was someone in the background (who I didn't know, but he was convinced this guy was with us). My sister got annoyed with the way he was acting so we went to a club... I was literally just sitting down messaging him nearly all night, sister got mad again and took my phone, made me dance... I met a couple old times friends there so I was actually having a good time ... About 1 am I see him in front of me in the club, he grabbed me by the hair and yanked me out ... His excuse for doing this was because I stopped messaging him for 2 hours and he got worried (even though my sister messaged saying she took my phone and is making me dance)."
"I can fix the car, but you can never fix our relationship."Now, this lady dealt with her possessive ex situation in perhaps the best way possible - by getting out of the country. Not that you should have to run away from a psychotic ex, but taking yourself out of a toxic situation is always better than staying in it, right? Reddit user, princesskymmy, explained that she "was having after-work drinks with my sister. My boyfriend got drunk & rang 10 times demanding I return home immediately. In the last phone, he used a baseball bat to smash up my car (while I was on the phone). The car was significant with modifications. I stayed at my sister's that night. He messaged me the next day telling me "I can fix the car but you can never fix our relationship." He thought I had not renewed the insurance but I had. I used the money from the write off to buy a ticket to the UK for a working holiday visa (I'm Aussie.) He stalked me at my work and home until I left."
Why does love make some people so angry?Anger and love shouldn't go hand in hand, and yet, in many of these instances, as with the footage of the lady brandishing the laptop on the plane, we are witness to someone supposedly in love manifesting that in acts of anger and violence. After researching why these two human emotions correspond in such a way, I have discovered that it is not love and anger that are connected, it's love and pain.
Here's the science...According to Mentalhelp.net: "It is more satisfying to feel angry than to acknowledge the painful feelings associated with vulnerability. You can use anger to convert feelings of vulnerability and helplessness into feelings of control and power. Some people develop an unconscious habit of transforming almost all of their vulnerable feelings into anger so they can avoid having to deal with them." Being in love leads one to experience feelings of vulnerability, which, if you don't accept being vulnerable, will manifest into feelings of anger. This anger, most commonly, will be taken out on the one that you are in love with. If your loved one breaks off the relationship, you would expect to experience feelings of pain. Again, if you are not willing to face this pain, it will instead manifest into anger. Mentalhelp.net explains that "anger cannot make pain disappear - it only distracts you from it."
The lady on the plane clearly had anger issues.
Check out the video here...
hot girl summer has been postponed until further notice https://t.co/FpxR61NA7G— Julia Scorupco (@Julia Scorupco)1563767136.0