There are a lot of misconceptions about gender nowadays. And to be fair, it's sometimes hard to picture something that you have no experience with -- such as identifying with a gender other than your own. Every gender has ingrained societal issues that come par for the course. But when you think about it, women (and other genders) don't always think about what being male is like!
To be sure, this isn't a story about likening men's problems to the issues that women, trans men and women, and other gender identities struggle with. It's pretty obvious that there's an inherent privilege that comes with being male. However, that doesn't mean there aren't still things unique to being male that are not at all fun or enviable.
It's not easy putting yourself in someone else's shoes, but you can try! And that's exactly what this group of female Redditors did. These women share what they'd hate about being a man.
Dates are $$$.The constant pressure in society that the man has to pay for meals, drinks, etc. I feel like it all would add up really quickly. -WaffleDeWisdom
It's also interesting to see men's responses to these theories.For instance, here's a response to the above post: It 100% does, but there's no outlet for that pressure. We just have to suck it up. -mtnbkr1880
Emotions are hard.Feeling uncomfortable or shamed for showing your emotions. It's a sad truth, but since the dawn of time, men have been encouraged to live up to the expectations of having to be tough or being a rock for the family. As a woman, I think we feel more comfortable crying and expressing our sadness. Men get sad too, and it's about time they feel free to express it as easily as women do. -welc0metwendys
It'd be that much worse to have a bad day.I would not be allowed a moment of weakness. Bad day? You can't cry unless your mother just died. Hurt yourself? Suck it up and go to the hospital. Feeling self-conscious about your body? Nobody cares. Feeling ill? SoMOne HaS a MaN COld!!!!! -LondonFogAddict91
Lots of female Redditors have seen it happen.Probably being forced to never... well, feel. There are so many people who make fun of guys for having feelings or even showing them. I would never be able to deal with it, and my heart broke the day my boyfriend told me his exes used to verbally abuse him for crying in front of them. -Schizii
And men on Reddit relate to that.
This. Had a girlfriend of 6 months that wanted me to emotionally open up and kept picking at me about it. When I finally let the walls down, I cried ONCE. Just a few sniffles and a tear and she left me soon after because she didn't see me as a man after that.-wheremytieflingsat1
It's seriously a problem.Another time when I worked in a school system, I worked with a janitor that had army PTSD. His brother in arms died one day (in a different state) and he cried. The jerk of a principal knew she couldn't force him to go home, so she took his keys and locked him out of all the offices and classrooms, as if he was unstable and was gonna snap and kill someone just because he was grieving a dead friend...this kind of treatment is fairly normal for a guy who cries in public. It's really messed up. -wheremytieflingsat1
This is absolutely NUTS:I found out my mom was dying from cancer two weeks before she did (she kept it from me). I was still sad two weeks later and my ex-wife told me I needed to stop sanctifying her because we always had problems and argued often and I kept thinking about the happy times I had with her. -pbj986
Here's another female's theory:Having to be the person physically in charge during a threatening situation. Like always being with a man when walking home from a party in a sketchy area at night. Yes, there is safety in numbers but the dude is expected to be protective regardless of the level of awareness, self-defensive, or drunken-ness. That’s a lot of pressure. -GreasyBlackbird
That's another thought men agree with.
I’ve been in situations where a woman in my group talked a lot to some fairly scary characters, something she presumably wouldn’t do if no men were with her.
Yeah, that's a lot of pressure.Come on, people, don't say anything you wouldn't be willing to back up yourself, without assuming that male friends in the area can provide the backup.
Sometimes it's just what happens.I’m a psych nurse. We always call the big male nurses in when we need to deal with a threatening/aggressive patient. I’m really grateful for you all but also acknowledge the unfair situation it puts you all in :/ -Dogs_and_dopamine
Everyone assumes that fatherhood is very 'hands-off'.
"Oh, you got stuck taking care of the kids today, huh? Giving Mom a day off, finally?"
Dads know what I'm talking about.-rxsheepxr
I mean, Dads are SUPPOSED to take care of kids. They're parents too!
I was a stay-at-home dad until my daughter went to kindergarten. This hit me deep in the soul.
I’ve been accused of being a child predator while reading a book on a park bench while my daughter plays, have had the cops called on me when my daughter and I were just walking down the street 2 blocks from my own home, and have been generally looked down on even by family members while I was a stay-at-home parent. The “giving mom a day off" line is just emotionally crushing sometimes when it’s said.-SgtPeppersSubmarine
Dads everywhere deal with this.This is true. I'm a dad of three and I work from home so I pick up the kids after school etc. It is hard for my kids to get their friends' parents to let them come over and play if my wife isn't home too. Pretty disappointing for me to see my kids wonder what is going on. They don't get it. If it was just my wife home with the kids they wouldn't bat an eye. -Dhh05594
The stigma is real.Probably the stigma. I've seen a single father get shouted at for being with his kid when at a park for 'trying to kidnap children'. The dude wanted to make his son happy, not molest him FFS. -FoxBetrayal
Things seem to be getting a little better, at least.Thank you for the silver and gold as well. You spoil me. My daughter is 7 now and things like these haven’t happened in quite a while. We actually just had a wonderful trip to the grocery store today. You all are wonderful people and I thank you for the kind words! -SgtPeppersSubmarine
It's also just sad that the bar is so low.
I've complained to my girlfriend about this. It's bittersweet that our bar is so low that I can go to the store in a shirt that says "I'm a Dad" and I'll get my own awards ceremony.
Most of the time it seems like it genuine admiration though, as if the men in their lives didn't really live up to expectations.-anonymous Redditor
Here's another female shuddering at the thought of forcibly being "macho."People expecting that I could fight. -MultipleAutism
Not everyone is a fighter!
I can't believe this is so far down. Being, what people assume, the more aggressive sex would keep me up at night. But I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I swear, my ancestors survived by saying something confusing and then running like hell while the angry person tried to figure out wtf they said. None of us enjoy fighting lol.-Bawbnweeve
There's a lot.Being expected to be more effective at physical labor, being expected to do more dangerous work, receiving less empathy when struggling with emotional issues. -Valdish
Physical labor is rarely fun for anyone.
I would think it would be being expected to do all the heavy lifting. To me, as a 64-year-old woman, I do my best to move things on my own. If I must ask for help, I make sure my helpers are well compensated with cold tasty beverages and snacks/food.
Just because you’re a male doesn’t mean it’s your legacy to be a physical workhorse.-mskarD2
You can't just see a gender and think "tough" by default.Being abused in public by a woman and having people laugh instead of intervening to help you. Also the whole to be a man you have to act a certain way. Brutal. -Mooncakequeen
Why do people act like men have fewer emotions?My wife literally came home one night and told me she was leaving for another man, took my money and filed for divorce. She also took (and kept) the dog. I was allowed one day off from work to deal with it - our court date. If I even slightly mentioned it, people would go silent. And it’s 6 months later and everyone expects me to be completely over it. It’s torture. -anotheridiotrecruitr
This is a terrifying thought.Being arrested for defending myself against an abusive partner. -theflexorcist
And it seriously happens:When I was in high school, my dad got remarried to a woman with a ton of emotional baggage. She was verbally abusive and would start fights with anyone who would take the bait. They got in an argument one night, and she started to shove him. He put his hands in his jacket pocket so that there could be no confusion of him hitting her. When he refused to engage, she told him she would kill his kids in their sleep. He called the cops. They came, listened to the story, and my dad WENT TO JAIL. -comineeyeaha
It had a lasting effect.She was alone in the house with all of my siblings (I was out of town that night). My dad is a big teddy bear, I've never seen him in trouble with the law until that night. I got him out of jail the next day and then worked with him to send my younger siblings to live with my mom in Utah, and I got an apartment with my next youngest brother. He had a criminal record for having his and his children's lives threatened. That was really messed up. -comineeyeaha
Violence works differently when it comes to men.
No one would bat an eye if you said you were sexually assaulted or harassed.
Sexual violence is a universal issue.
If you were a male, and you were a victim of sexual harassment or you were a victim of sexual assault and you went to go tell someone what happened to you, chances are that you will be ignored because society stereotypes think you’re just lying and ALL males like being touched.
With all the news articles I see about women being assaulted, I asked myself, what about the males? Sexual assault doesn’t have a gender, it should be taken seriously for both genders.-ShadowJDarkus
This one is a little more light-hearted!
I cannot fathom how a guy sits down to go to the bathroom and their junk is what just chilling inside the toilet? Do you lift them and rest them on the toilet seat? I have no idea how dudes do it.
I ask these questions to my boyfriend. I'm convinced he thinks I'm a lunatic but I just think balls would be incredibly inconvenient.-mightbefamous182
Chores are the worst!
Honestly, probably people just assuming that you’ll do all of the gross stuff that no one else wants to do.
Fixing up the car? Unclogging the toilet? Cleaning out the spider webs in the attic? Scrubbing the mildew out of the bathtub? Guys are just expected to do it all without complaint because that’s the “manly" thing to do. As a woman, I find it pretty unfair.-lemonlady7
A male Redditor reported a slight difference in his experience.It isn't so much that I won't try to do those things mentioned, it's that people just assume I know how to.
My wife was absolutely dumbfounded when she asked me to fix something on her car and I told her I didn't know-how. Her entire family ragged on me for not knowing. All the men in her family because they do know car stuff, and all the women in the family even though they knew nothing.-Labyrinthy
Ever thought about what defying gender roles is like for other people?
Having an even harsher reaction when I'd go against gender roles.
I mean as a woman, there's backlash sometimes, but there's a still the whole movement very publicized that tells me that I can do whatever I want.
I don't feel a man that wants to do something that's usually "for girls" or "for women" gets that much support.-Marawal