This adorable little waking nightmare is available from Hasbro for the low, low, life-ruining price of only $14.99. Unfortunately, the cost of life-long therapy for your child will cost a heck of a lot more than that.
With Yellies, you can be unsure if your kid is screaming because they're angry, injured, playing with their favorite toy, or quaking in genuine terror backed into the corner as a small, plush, multi-colored spider rolls menacingly towards them with the speed and agility of a real-life arachnid.
The real question is: did Hasbro reach into my dark subconscious, combine every horror movie I've ever seen, unspool my earliest phobias from the recesses of my brain, and patchwork that amalgamation of fears into a children's toy?
Let's get down to brass tacks. You want to know how to turn the darned thing on.
via: HasbroYour Yellie "Spooder" (dear god, this is actually what they named it) will lurk silently, waiting on your first piercing screams to awaken the ancient evil that lives within its precious, compact little body. Remember to remain completely silent until you're ready for it to wake up. It can't see you, it can only hear your shallow, ragged breaths as you back towards the door, eyes searching wildly for something to smash it with.
Okay, so let's figure out how it works!
via: HasbroThe rules are pretty simple. Talk quietly, and you can still escape it. Gentle, soothing tones in the vein of a mental health professional talking a person off a ledge are preferred. Talk louder and you risk your actual earthly life.
Your Yellie is unique... just like you!
via: HasbroCareful. If you think you've outsmarted it by staying silent, living like the family in A Quiet Place, you're dead wrong. If it senses you trying to remain undetected, it will randomly choose to do one of the things from its secret menu of terrifying options. Folks, we don't even know what this menu contains. It might leap at your face, or worse, just stare you directly in the eyes for a few uninterrupted minutes to show you who's the Daddy in this house.
Each Yellie has an adorable name.
via: HasbroHarry Scoots' veneer of civility will drop as soon as everyone else leaves the room. Do you know what he can do with that singular bucktooth? You don't want to know. It's sick. And Klutzers? He just wants you to think he's uncoordinated. He rolls around bumping into things until you're convinced he's harmless. That's when he redirects his razor-sharp internal GPS for your crotch.