You Can Now Buy A GoPro For Your Dick, Because Of Course You Can

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Get your Christmas lists started early, ladies and especially gentlemen. Perhaps exclusively gentlemen. The newest revolutionary piece of video technology has just hit the market. We’ve had video recording in our cell phones, we’ve had drones, we’ve had waterproof GoPros, but not we’ve got cameras specifically designed for your… ahem, schlong. Can someone leave a comment to let me know if “schlong” is better or worse than the alternatives? Thanks. I appreciate it.

The “CockCam” comes from a British sex toy company called Julz. Shoutout to the British for being way cooler with sex than us Americans. The company even put out a weirdly tasteful but definitely Not Safe For Work commercial for the product. And it’s a real doozy.

So strap on in because we’re about to break down why you’d even want to buy this in the first place, and maybe even answer the question on everyone’s mind: is it waterproof?

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Remember back when Kanye West’s 2016 album The Life of Pablo came out?

“Well yes, but what does this have to do with a cock ring with a camera on the end?”

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Well, my sweet summer child, let me explain.

The key to this whole thing might be buried in some kind of song lyric cryptography, hidden among the album like those “Paul is dead” Beatles lyrics.

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Let’s take a look at the seventh track on the album, “Highlights”.

Can we play that back one time? And after that night I’m gon’ wanna play this shit back, oh no Sometimes I’m wishin’ that my dick had GoPro So I could play that shit back in slo-mo I just shot an amateur video; I think I should go pro

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Oh, he just comes right out and says it. It’s not even clever…

*sigh* I miss the old Kanye.

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But a real company heard the lyrics to that song and thought to themselves “you know what…”

So three years later, Kanye’s wish has come true.

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We even have the tweets to prove it.

Kanye can’t get his clothing business off the ground – maybe he should sue for a stake in this company.

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So now you and your loved ones can enjoy the most intimate of “home videos”.

Thanks to Kanye West. Never thought that would be a sentence I would write, but here we are.

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Gone are the days of iPhone videos being lost to broken phones.

Now you can put the video right on your favorite site for the world to see.

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And for the hipsters out there…

CockCam claims that they’ll have a new version coming out in 2020 that attaches a film magazine to the back so you can shoot on real celluloid. That’s a joke, but honestly, this whole product seems like a joke.

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So what can you expect from the product?

Well, $160 gets you the silicone “ring” that’s designed to get you or your partner to stay, erm, erect for longer, and a tiny camera with advanced night vision.

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Yeah, night vision!

So if you ever find yourself single with no one to mingle with, you can use it as a security camera.

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Here’s exactly how they describe their product:

“A revolutionary sex toy that allows you to record all of your erotic moments at never seen before angles, store and view videos on your mobile device through the secure mobile app, taking your sexy home videos to the next level.”

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Not gonna lie, storing these videos on a phone sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Everyone’s phones are getting hacked and their nudes are getting leaked. Imagine one of these videos getting out there!

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Or maybe that’s just the kind of kink you’re into.

In which case, shine on you crazy diamond.

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The camera records in infrared night vision and HD video, for up to ninety minutes at 1080P, fifteen frames per second.

Which is pretty decent honestly — apart from the whole fifteen frames per second thing. You’re not getting any good slow motion out of this camera… again if that’s what you’re into. Not saying that’s what I’m into.

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The camera can be removed from its silicon housing for… cleaning purposes.

Let’s just hope it’s a pretty snug fit when it’s in the silicone ring. Wouldn’t want a camera getting stuck anywhere…

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The promo video features the camera attached to a rubber dildo as its wearer parachutes from a cliff.

And it is definitely not something you’re going to want to watch at work. Or just around people, in general, I’d say. But more on that later.

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First, some hilarious reviews!

Please don’t burn yourself down there. No one wants that. Right?

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Why is this even a thing?

Like who (other than Kanye) is even asking for this? I feel like if I brought this home, my partner would make me return it before it even came out of the box.

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Grandma is going to see your nudes, and it’s going to be worse than last time.

I wouldn’t trust any kind of app with that sort of sensitive content.

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This is gross…

Sometimes my sister watches the video of my birth and sometimes I think of what life would be like without a sister.

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This is the perfect quote.

Seriously. No one asked for this.

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There was never a god here in the first place.

No god would have allowed this to happen.

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Okay, so what about that promo video?

Seriously, there’s a fake penis in this video. So find a safe place to watch and hunker down.

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You’ve been warned.

It’s a tasteful penis (in my opinion), but it’s a penis nonetheless.

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Here it is, in all its glory.

See what I mean by tasteful?

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And I mean, I had to watch this like six times for work purposes. And I’m writing this in a coffee shop.

Just to paint you a picture of just how many dirty looks I’ve gotten in the last hour.

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So what do you think?

Would you ever buy one? Like as a gag gift in your family’s holiday white elephant gift exchange?

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Or is this just trying way too hard to spice up a relationship that’s failing anyway?

Because watching your sex back totally won’t make you super self-conscious about your body. Only good things can come of this!

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Hit us up in the comments.

We want to hear your pros and cons! Is this way too filthy for you, or is this your exact fetish?

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