People Who Had to Ask the Internet 'Am I the Jerk Here?' | 22 Words

How do people interact with, you know, other people? It feels like, whoever I'm talking to, I say something stupid or make a bad joke or in some other way looking like a total jerk. For instance, one of my friends just asked me to help them move, I hit them in the face with a pie. But that's not my fault, is it? I made it well known that I have no interest in helping them or anyone else move because I really don't like it!

And yes, those same friends helped me move into my place, but the entire time I reminded them that I would not be helping them move. It's not my fault if they thought I was doing a bit! Is it?

I don't know. Maybe it is. That's why Reddit's Am I the Asshole subreddit is so useful. Redditors can go and describe their situation and have the internet at large decide if they're in the wrong or not.

"Am I the jerk for ruining my parents' marriages?"

I am the by-product of my parents' extra-marital affair. Both of them had spouses at the time. My birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when I was conceived so there was no way I was his. A few months after I was born they decided not to divorce. I was given to my grandparents on my mother's side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge. Both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that I am adopted by my grandparents. Recently I decided that I wanted to know more about my dad's family and I sent a friend request to one of my siblings and my dad so I could get to know him. Well, he freaked out and contacted my birth mom and they asked to speak to me over Skype. They both told me that they couldn't risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.

Sounds like these parents have made their choice...

Well I did pretty much the opposite. I contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. She is now divorcing him while on my mother's side I told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are separated and my siblings hate my mother.

So this Redditor decided to upset the established order of things.

Currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off I feel like I unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. Am I the jerk here for ruining my parents' marriages? - childgonenuclear

The internet was actually on the Redditor's side.

Your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were. The only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. You did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden. - Barrel-Of-Tigers

It was pretty bonkers to assume the Original Poster would stay silent forever.

They were expecting you to actively participate in erasing your own existence from their world. They basically wanted you to not exist. Of course, you got angry and wanted to hurt them. - mowermachine

"Am I the jerk for not wanting to pick up my wife from the airport at 12:30 AM?"

My wife is coming back from a four-day business trip. Her flight is just under three hours, and she will be landing around 12:30 AM. Airport is about 30 mins away from our home. She generally hates flying in this late and asked if I could pick her up from the airport.

To be fair, that is very late.

I have to get up early and commute to work the next morning, and wouldn’t be getting home until 1-1:30 AM. I get why she wants me to come, and I know it would be the good thing to do... but I also feel like she’d be completely fine just taking a taxi this one time. Am I just being lazy, or am I being a lazy jerk here Reddit? - MichaelScarnFBI

The internet responded immediately and clearly:

Because she asked you, her husband, for a favor, for a reason. She knows she can take Uber. She probably doesn't want to do that at that time. - tootthatthingupmami

And our original Redditor knew what was what, as he went and amended his original post.

EDIT: Goddammit. I kind of knew in the back of my head that I should just go, but thank you for confirming. I’ll suck it up and go get her. - MichaelScarnFBI

And it even lead to a cute story!

EDIT 2: I went. She had a shitty flight and was surprised/overwhelmed to see me and cried happy tears. It was a cute moment. Your comments and shaming made it all possible.

"Am I the jerk for telling cashier that wasn’t the girl's credit card?"

I was in a higher-end department store today and happened to end up next to two teenage girls while shopping. One of the girls had picked out a pair of VERY expensive boots and they were both fawning over them. The second girl must have looked at the price tag and asks boots girl if she’s really gonna spend that much. Girl with boots says something along the lines of “It’s fine I have my dads credit card I’m not pain. " which instantly caught my attention because THAT'S NOT HER CARD.

As a Citizen of the World, clearly it was this Redditor's job to stand up.

We end up at the same register (me behind) and I see her total hit well over four digits. The girl is about to swipe her card when I decide that I can’t let her get away with something like this and someone has to parent this kid if no one else will. I tell the cashier that isn’t her card but her father’s and I’m not sure she has permission. Girl and friend turn and glare at me giving me possibly the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen.

We imagine it went a little something like...

Girl tells cashier her father gave her the card to shop with because it’s the stores' credit card and it gives him the points. Now that I’ve pointed out it wasn’t hers cashier tells her she can’t use that card. Girl tries to show ID to prove they have the same last name (yeah, that will help) and I tell her it’s still fraud. Girl says it’s not fraud because she has permission and tells me to mind my own business. I tell her that it is my business that she’s doing something illegal. She needs to pay with her own card or I call the cops. Girl is pissed now and people are glaring at me. She uses her own card and leaves crying. Cashier looks mad at me and I tell my husband when I get home only for him to agree I was in the wrong. - aljsdhnrthrow

The internet consensus?

, Of course she walked away crying; you were mean, belittling, sticking your nose where it didn't belong, and causing a scene over a common occurrence. - Beachy5313

It was a pretty myopic way to look at the situation.

It really was none of your business. You made a scene, tried to discipline a child that was not yours over a scenario you knew nothing about, and wasted everyone’s time. Just because you wouldn’t give your child permission to use your card doesn’t mean everyone else is the same. - Sorrynotsheepish

"Am I the jerk for telling my extended family how many men my sister has slept with after she outed our youngest brother as a virgin?"

We had a family dinner this evening. My family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29F), younger sister (24F) and youngest brother (22M). Extended family attended our family dinner, so all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles, etc.

This sounds very nice! I bet it goes well!

During the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. My sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. The two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realize the rest of us were getting a bit fed up. Eventually, my sister got really fed up and said “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22-year-old virgin." My brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked.

These are the kind of insults that could only make family question whether or not they were a jerk...

I responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? Turns out her husband didn’t know.He left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past. Family is blaming me for their marital problems. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong. My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all I did was give her a taste of her own medicine. - Thunderbear998

The call? Either everyone sucks...

One person making personal attacks doesn’t mean someone else should- especially since you weren’t even in the argument to begin with. - JitteryGoat

Or only the sister sucks.

Your sister made it personal and couldn't handle taking what she dished out. - thicklover

"Am I the jerk for firing an employee after his parents died?"

I'm the VP of Sales at a software company and one of our sales development reps' parents passed away at the beginning of April. Sadly, they were involved in a car crash and both lost their lives. Now the employee in question is very young 22-year-old guy and has been with us for about 10 months now. He's a great employee and we were thinking about promotions in the next six months for him. Because of the accident, we let him take a one month paid leave of absence from work.

Congrats on doing the bare minimum.

He's returned a few weeks ago and his performance is severely lacking. He's super unmotivated, not cold calling or reaching to prospects for the last 2-3 weeks enough since he's come back. Our whole management team has noticed this and we decided to let him go because we feel like he'd need months and months to be able to produce again and we can't just wait that long.

Late-stage Capitalism at its finest!

We called him into a meeting on Friday afternoon and gave him the bad news, he was very calm and rude about it. Told us to go fuck ourselves and got up and went to his desk grabbed his few things and left. I thought this was very very unprofessional and extremely rude. I told my boyfriend about all of this and he said myself and my management team are a bunch of asses and pricks with no hearts. - Resident_Occasion

Ooh boy did the internet ever call this poster a jerk.

You pulled a poor mourning kid's remaining stability and livelihood out from under him. Four weeks after his parents passed away. Hope the rest of the team's moral stays high after this one. - gratespeller

And our original Redditor did make a teeny little update:

I reached out to him to see how he's holding up. He's staying at his girlfriend's place and she's supporting him a lot right now. I offered to get my head hunter friend in touch with him when he's ready and he accepted. - Resident_Occasion

"Am I the jerk for not allowing my best friend to crash at my house after his wife died?"

My best friend Jake's wife died about a month ago in a car crash and he's handling it terribly. He's become very depressed and spends his time either drinking or sleeping. They had a little girl who's three years old and while he's not neglecting her I can tell he's barely holding himself together as it is.

Undeniably, an awful situation.

A few days ago, Jake told me he can't stand being in his house anymore because it makes him remember his wife but that he'd force himself to take a few sleeping pills to sleep. Cut to yesterday at 1 AM, my wife and I were woken up by someone banging at our door. I open to see Jake and his daughter at my door and he asks if he can sleep here for the night because he can't handle being in his house anymore. I tell him she can stay but he can't because he has to get over it eventually. He gives me the dirtiest glare I've ever seen and leaves without saying anything.

Maybe that, uh, could've been handled better?

Today I found out that Jake went back to his house, put his daughter to sleep, then went and slept on the streets. When my wife found out she called me a massive asshole but I don't think I was. My intention wasn't to kick him out to the streets, it was to help him get over his wife's death. Am I the jerk here? - MoonlightReu

The internet's response?

You think someone can get over their dead wife..their child’s mother in ONE month? Are you serious? He came to you in a time of NEED. - cactus_thief

And thankfully, the original poster acknowledged his mistake.

Thanks, reading all your responses have shed a lot of light on how what I did was terrible and came off as me not caring about him. I'll go talk to him a few hours from now and apologize and let him stay here if he needs. - MoonlightReu

"Am I the jerk for giving my ex-wife a large amount of money I won despite the anger of my girlfriend?"

I recently won a "f*ck you" amount of money. I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions. My ex-wife is the mother of my two kids. We divorced six years ago because I had an affair with my current partner. She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my girlfriend.

I wouldn't speak to her either.

[The ex-wife] was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery. She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that. As soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount. I still love her. She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete f*ck up. She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes.

It must feel great to give life-changing hunks of money to people you care about.

Long story short, when I told my girlfriend, she was my livid. Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex-wife- I’m not in love with her. We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still love her for being an excellent co-parenting partner and mother to my kids. My girlfriend is threatening to break up with me, and to be honest I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats. I don’t plan on changing my plans, but Am I the jerk here? - binkies123

The internet was in agreement: not the jerk.

[You're good] if you intended for the money to help out her and your kids. - Safahri

And now the internet's shipping our guy and his ex.

Kinda wish they would get back together haha. - catsforthewin1234

"Am I the jerk for not kicking out my daughter's ex boyfriend?"

My daughter (19) moved back in from college and asked if her high-school boyfriend (18) could move back into the house. His Mother is immunocompromised and also probably abusive (no father in the picture). Reluctant, but convinced by my wife, I decided to let him sleep in the guest room for the time being. He's been very well behaved, makes his bed every day, is very polite, does chores around the house and tries to pay us back for every little thing. He even cut my younger son's hair (he worked part-time at a barbershop) and plays sports / hangs out with them.

Ah, the perfect boyfriend! Until the fighting starts...

Fast forward four weeks later, and apparently, him and my daughter had a big fight Saturday night and broke up. I think they've just seen a little too much of each other recently as they've been the only people they've really interacted with and been hanging out at least 10 hours every day. My daughter came to me sobbing and asking me to kick him out of the house because she couldn't stand being cooped up with him because she was heartbroken. I talked to him about it and he said he doesn't have anywhere else to go and begged me to not kick him out. To compromise, I told him he could sleep in our pool house, a completely separate building, for the time being.

I bet that decision went over well.

My wife came to me furious and said it was absurd that I would take a random kids side over my own daughters, to which I responded that I wasn't picking a side. I just feel I have a responsibility to make sure this kid had a stable roof over his head. She said my daughter is just crushed to even see him and hear him playing with my son. My view is that she would be looking at pictures/reminded of him even if he was in the house, and there's no real good reason to kick him out. Am I the jerk here?
- VeryCornfused

The internet really likes this guy.

Unless he was dangerous or something, it would be absolutely horrible of you to kick him out in the middle of a pandemic knowing he has nowhere to go. Having him sleep in the guest house was a good compromise, but even if it weren’t an option and he had to live in the guest room you still would be right to let him stay. - TattedKnifeGeek

In fact, they might think the daughter will learn a valuable lesson form all this.

Having to live with an ex-partner for several months is part of adult life for many, whether because both were on a lease, because divorce courts take their sweet time, or for other reasons. Sucks for Daughter, but welcome to adulthood. - chi_lawyer

"Am I the jerk for not inviting my family to my wedding?"

As a kid I was “the black sheep," AKA the emo that everyone in the family made an effort to avoid. That carried on into my adult life and I still wasn’t invited to things like weddings and family gatherings. Two years ago I’d invited all my immediate family — my parents siblings and their kids and my grandparents — over for Christmas dinner. Everyone agreed they would come over and would let me know when they’re on their way. Cut to 9 PM and I hadn’t heard from anyone but my younger cousin, who sent me screenshots of everyone in a WhatsApp group agreeing that there was no way they were coming over to my “dungeon" to sit and listen to “wrist-slashing" music" while eating “lettuce" (we’re a vegan household).

You can see why she'd want them at her wedding!

Last summer, when I married my husband, I didn’t bother inviting any family but my cousin and my dad's sister. Now three weeks ago, my family found out I got married, and I guess they went to the group chat and realized none of them had been invited. My uncle messaged me, saying, “so after everything we’ve done for you you couldn’t even let us know you were getting married?" and then carried on calling me a selfish bitch and such.

That's not how you ask to come to events.

Not inviting them was the right choice so I know I’m not the jerk, but my cousin seems to think I am, due to my reply of “stay mad hoes, I wanted the happiest day of my life to be filled with love, love NONE OF YOU have ever shown me. Don’t contact me again." My cousin believes him messaging me was an attempt to “reconnect." Am I the jerk here? - Imwaiciiwt

The internet was like "haha no you got 'im."

“Stay mad hoes." You are savage. - junaidaslam1983

There's even potentially an opportunity to shut them up.

If they carry on send them the screen shot you were sent and ask them why would they be invited to a dungeon wedding full of scary music and lettuce as they clearly hate that. Two-faced people are the worst. - Fallout4Addict

"Am I the jerk for not wanting my husband in the room while I'm giving birth?"

I'm giving birth to triplets in about three to four weeks. It's a very high-risk pregnancy. I plan on having a C-section and getting induced if the babies don't come in three weeks. The doctor told us that with all the complications, it would be good if I didn't have many people in the room. My husband was on the call when he said that and assumed it meant it would be just me and him.

You know what happens when you make assumptions...

After the call, I explained that with all the complications I wanted it to be just me. This was yesterday and he has locked himself in his gaming room and hasn't left. I am bed-bound, so I only got up a few times to ask him to come out. Am I the jerk for wanting him to wait in the waiting room while I give birth? - spousewondering

The internet didn't necessarily think she's s a jerk, but that she might want to reconsider.

With all the possible complications with triplets, both to the babies and herself, she really needs someone there to make medical decisions in the event she can't. - hollymayewho

And the original poster eventually came around and gave this update:

Last night my husband came in and we had a very long, very emotional talk about the day I give birth. I am going to let him in the room, even if I'm still not 100 percent comfortable because he really does want to be there while they are being born. - spousewondering

"Am I the jerk for telling my sister that she should date less attractive men?"

My sister is 31 years old and is constantly complaining about having her heartbroken, she complains that men just use her, are never looking for a relationship, don't like her because she is dark-skinned, etc... Just constant complaining. My wife suggested that she could go on a date with one of her friends from college. When my wife showed her the picture my sister said, "uh no thanks, he will be completely bald in a couple years."

Does she think she's on The Bachelorette?

​I told her flat out, that she needs to be realistic about her options. I told her that she should date guys that are less attractive, if she doesn't want to constantly be ghosted like she is, and that she isn't a model herself. My wife said I shouldn't have said it the way I did, that I should have been softer. I told her that my sister has been struggling with the same problem her whole life. That the time for being soft ended a long time ago. - ishmo41

The internet's response? You gave bad advice, jerk.

Honestly, I don't think you even need to be "soft" about it, but overall, you advise isn't really helpful. Less attractive people are equally capable of being jerks (men and women). You could say something like "You want different results, try doing something different" and you'd be good. You can even say it condescendingly IMO and still be good. - teke367

Plus, this guy's premise may be flawed.

I think you mean well, but you're wrong if you think ugly guys don't ghost, don't treat their girlfriends terribly, or are "grateful" when a conventionally attractive woman dates them. - murderousbudgie

"Am I the jerk for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?"

I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. Sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. So my coworker James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.

Ooh, I'm excited for this...

One day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough. James came in and was like, "Sir, is there a problem here?" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he said to me, "This is unacceptable, you're fired." I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service."

And everyone learned a valuable lesson.

Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. We've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at me or my other coworkers, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologize and say they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. Am I the jerk for this joke? - throwRA-fhfsveyary

The internet's response? "This rules!"

I think it’s hilarious and maybe it’ll teach some people a lesson about controlling their jerk-ery. - lolak1445

Of course, there's always a killjoy...

Deal with it like a professional. If I owned a brick and mortar business and found out my kid and an employee were doing this, you WOULD be fired. - shortforstormtrooper

"Am I the jerk for keeping a lost pet until the owner paid the advertised reward?"

This weekend I was walking through the park and I saw a cat that looked like one I had seen on posters that were posted around the neighborhood. They said there was a reward of $500 for finding their lost cat. I caught the cat, which was pretty easy since he was friendly, and checked a poster to see if it was him. It was. I went home, put him in the back porch, and called the number on the poster to let them know I found their cat. They were happy that I found him and said they could come pick him up right away. I confirmed that there was a $500 reward, texted the guy a picture of the cat, and gave him my address.

Oh man, what I would do with 500 big ones...

This is where the problem started. When he got to my house, I asked for the reward money before returning the cat. He said there actually wasn't a reward and that he only advertised one to increase the chance that people would look for his cat. I told him that I wasn't going to give his cat back until he paid the promised reward and that he shouldn't have posted one if he didn't want to pay one. He then got angry and threatened to call the cops if I wouldn't give him the cat. I said that he was welcome to and that I would be happy to get things on the record in case I had to take him to small claims court. He begrudgingly told me that he would be back later with the money. Later that night he came by with the full $500, I gave him his cat, and that was the end of it. When I told my girlfriend about it, she thought I should have just gave him back the cat since it cost me nothing to catch him and that everyone was having hard times right now. Some of my friends also think that the guy was probably desperate to get his pet back and that it was kind of shitty for me to profit from a lost animal. I still think that if you post a reward, you should pay it, and that the guy probably just wanted to save $500 and get the benefit of advertising a reward without paying it. So, am I the jerk here?
- AITAlostpet

The internet was unanimous: this guy's a jerk.

How morally bankrupt do you have to be to hold another person's pet hostage until they give you money? Just because you happen to be the one who found a friendly cat walking by on the street?! You're, like, the definition of Lawful Evil. - MenArentThrowaway

"Am I the jerk for naming my daughter lasagna?"

My husband and I welcomed our first child about nine weeks ago. We found out it was going to be a girl and decided on the name Elizabeth for her. When I was seven months pregnant, my husband's mother lost her fight with breast cancer. Her name was Anya (pronunciation: Ahn-Yuh). I loved her so I offered to change the middle name to Anya. My husband and his family were touched and agreed so our daughter became Elizabeth Anya Jane Last-Name. A few days after she was born we started calling her Liz instead of Elizabeth. Now her legal name is all but forgotten and everyone refers to her as Liz Last-Name. We've been having frequent group-Skype sessions with family during the stay-home mandate so our families can see the baby, see us, see each other and stay connected. My sister pointed out that we named our baby "Lasagna." I hadn't made the mental connection but if you put her first and second names together "Liz Ayna" it really does make "lasagna".

Even Garfield would call that a screw-up.

I told my sister that I doubt anyone would make that connection, especially considering people rarely use their middle names in daily life. But then my whole family chimed in and now everyone keeps calling my daughter "Lasagna." AITA for naming my daughter what I did? - namedmydaughterpasta

The internet's response? You're fine. Kids gonna kid.

My name is Lorelei, a perfectly fine name, and you would not BELIEVE the range of insults kids pulled out of it. I heard SO many. My point is, if kids wanna pick on your kid it doesn't matter WHAT you name her. They'll find something. Just do what you can to teach her how valuable she is, she'll love you for it. - lolabolaboo

And yet, the original poster did make the call.

Husband and I have talked and we're going to legally have her middle names switched around, so we just need to figure out a time to get down to the courthouse and do that. Elizabeth Jane Anya doesn't have the flow I like but I'd rather have a bad flow than a bad nickname in future. - namedmydaughterpasta

"Would I be the jerk if I asked my pregnant wife to move out?"

My wife is pregnant with our daughter. Initially we were really happy and excited about it. But then, she starts acting like a nut job. She gets angry and irritated for small things, insults me when she doesn't like the food I make, starts acting insecure and accuses me of losing attraction for her.

So far, this all sounds like normal pregnancy stuff.

So yesterday, a random girl starts at flirting with me after the gym and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for some drinks. I rejected her and told her that I was married. And when I got home, my wife started to hug me and apologize. When I asked her what happened, she told me that her best friend suggested a test for my loyalty. So they asked a mutual friend to flirt with me and asked me out. And I passed. Yay!!

That's, er, not how you handle things in relationships.

I'm really pissed. I'm done with her antics. Would I be a jerk if I ask her to move out? - stupidtest_

Here's what the internet had to say:

You are absolutely not the jerk and being pregnant doesn't give you a blank check to turn into a psychopath. Your wife shouldn't be getting a pass on this. At the very minimum you need to separate and go into counseling. Do you really want to be dodging thirst traps and mind games for the rest of your life? - lapussymonster

Or, there might be another explanation.

If my husband suddenly started acting insane, the first trip would be to a doctor not to a divorce attorney. If this behavior really did start with pregnancy, it would make more sense to seek a medical opinion on how pregnancy is effecting her, and go to counseling. - ArdentCrayon

"Am I the jerk for not telling my wife that I picked her daughter up drunk from a house party?"

I always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they're ever in a situation they need to get out of, just call me and I'll drop whatever I'm doing and I will pick them up. No questions asked, no judgments made. I let them know that I used to be a teenager once, I told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then. We're only human and it's a part of life.

After all, mistakes are how you learn.

Last weekend I got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink. She was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn't know. I got there just in time. She was so drunk she couldn't even walk. I had to pick her up and carry her to the car. I told her I was disappointed that she snuck out, but I also told her I was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up.

What an awkward car ride, huh?

I haven't told my wife about it, because I don't want to violate the deal I made with her. I want her to know that she can trust me. I just hope I'm making the right choice. - friendlyneighborhere

Reddit's ruling?

Just the fact that she felt she could call you, trust you not to fly off the handle ... it's fantastic and I think more parents should learn from your example. - Joker101018

But there is one solution that could satisfy everyone...

Try to see if you can convince her to tell her mom herself with your help. It’ll let your wife know that she can trust the daughter and vice versa. That way you can provide judgment-free guidance but continue to maintain transparency with your wife. Plus, it will show her how to take responsibility for her actions. - lsumrow

"Am I the jerk for asking mom's boyfriend to stop trying to parent me?"

My dad died suddenly about a year ago, and my mom found this really nice guy that she’s started seeing. I’m a 23-year-old male and going into my final year of college. My mom's boyfriend has two daughters ages 15 and 13. My mom has stepped in to be a mother figure to them, and the boyfriend has stepped into my extended family becoming everyone’s favorite uncle. He isn’t a bad guy, I’m just still grieving my father, and it feels like he’s trying to replace him. He tries to set rules for me, things like chores and curfew, that my dad specifically didn’t because he thought they were ridiculous for an adult. Boyfriend thinks it’s only fair because I have siblings now. I think it’s ridiculous to have the same rules apply because of our age differences.

The best part of being an adult is living according to the rules of a complete stranger.

Last night I was DDing for some friends and got home at 2 AM. Man, boyfriend flipped. I got a lecture and sent to my room and “possible loss of car privileges."

That situation is untenable.

I snapped and laid it out for him. I told him I’m glad my mom found a new partner but I am not and will not be looking for a new father figure and he needs to respect that. I told him our relationship won’t be father/son for some time, and that he needs to respect me as an adult or I won’t want to have a relationship with him. - [deleted]

The internet thinks the step-dad's in the wrong.

He’s overstepping this boundary, due to the short nature of his relationship with your mother ( - classicgeri

And they even gave some solid advice.

Take you and your mom for a session with a grief counselor. You'd be amazed at how much your mom is allowing is because of grief, and she also needs to realize everyone's grief is different and at a different pace. This dude is WAY out of line, and I would listen to the poster who said it was an early red flag for future super controlling behavior. - GrizzlyGrrl