Stories of The Universe Really Messing With People | 22 Words

Human beings are but a tiny spec on a little pebble we consider a planet that is hurdling through the cosmos. That means that anyone who thinks they have any idea what's going on out there in the universe is either lying or deluded.

But there are times when we do catch a glimpse of the universe's grand plans for us. You meet your future wife at the airport after missing a flight? That's absolutely fate, or destiny, or God's plan, or whatever else you want to call the invisible guiding hand of the universe. But all too often, we think about the lofty ideals of the universe only when big, important stuff happens. Sometimes, the universe just gets petty.

These are some of those stories; stories of times when the universe decided it was going to toy with us mere mortals, presumably just to amuse itself. Here are the funniest stories, culled from an Ask Reddit thread, about times when people were convinced the universe was just messing with them.

It'd be nice to hear that one again.

Back when I was a kid, I borrowed a CD of my dad's without asking, and it ended up becoming lost. We looked everywhere, but it was never found. It was a very unique CD and couldn't be replaced. Dad scolded me, but worse, as only a dad can do, he would tease me about it (example: we'd be riding in the car and he'd sarcastically say "Boy, it'd sure be nice to listen to that CD! I wonder where it could be?!"). He never forgot, and he made sure that I never forgot either. Fast-forward ten years: my dad died unexpectedly while at work. It was absolutely devastating. He was everything to me and my family, and we were broken. Thankfully, the universe (or someone/something) made sure to let us know everything was going to be okay: After we arrived home from the funeral, my mom, siblings, and I were sitting around in silent shock. It was Christmastime, so my brother thought he'd try lightening the mood by playing some Christmas music. He went into the CD cabinet, and there, sitting right in front, was the missing CD. We'd gone into this CD cabinet many times a week for years and years - there was no way we could have missed it - that CD had been missing for ten years! It was like someone placed it there for us to find. We burst into tears and cried until we couldn't. It was beyond belief. - CaptainWisconsin

Was that pack attached to a fishing line?

The evening of my first day without a cigarette in 15 years I came across a full pack of smokes lying on a window ledge. Laughter ensued. I never had found even 1 discarded cigarette before. Nor since. - strangerdaysahead

July rules (Harry Potter's birthday) and September rules (football starts). It's just that damn middle month that mucks everything up.

First weekend in August I get mugged and punched on a night out. Lose my phone, wallet, keys The same weekend my dad and second mum split up after 15 years. The weekend after my mum goes on holiday. The first night shes away and I'm watching the dogs. The eldest passes away in the midnight vet as I'm holding her. About 3 days before she comes home i get rushed into hospital with supposed sepsis and have surgery. Luckily i was in and out within a week. The last weekend of August my car breaks down and costs me £300+ in repairs. August can f*ck off. I am not leaving the house next August. - Welbeck98

This car was destined to be tiny.

Right after moving I was in a car accident on the freeway during rush hour. Back end of my car was crunched. While it was sitting in the parking lot of a collision center waiting to be repaired, a semi backed into the front end. When my husband called to tell me what had happened I thought he was joking. - HalloweenPunkin83

It's those celebratory meals, I bet.

I have had major food poisoning and had to call out on my first day of work to a spiffy new high-paying job. Twice. - Cdn_ITAdmin

I say you just have yourself put in a coma March 31st through April 3rd.

My mother-in-law claims she is cursed and ends up in the hospital every April 1st, without fail. It started when she was a child, and every year something different gets her - a dog mauling her, a car accident, the balcony security rail giving out and making her fall down three stories, numerous wounds from other people's April Fool pranks going wrong, etc. One April 1st, we were staying at her place and she made a pillow bunker in her bedroom and literally waited out the entire day in there. She promised herself that this would be the first April 1st in decades without a hospital visit. Midnight arrived and she triumphantly left her pillow fort, unharmed and victorious. To celebrate, she decided to cook hamburgers for the whole family. The pan, full of burning-hot oil, somehow slipped from her hands in such a way that all the oil spilled on her arm. An ambulance had to be called and she needed skin grafts. - InfestedFistula

Dude, pidgeon, read the room.

While getting dumped, I was sh*t upon by a pigeon. - Flutterphael

You have to believe in the drinking fountain to see it.

The building I work in has two one-person bathrooms. In between them, the wall is set back few feet from the rest of the hallway. In that gap is a water fountain. A couple of months ago, I went to the drinking fountain to fill up my water bottle. Except there was no water fountain. The wall between the bathroom doors was completely filled in. I walked away from it, looked around the hallway, and then walked back to the area where the drinking fountain was supposed to be, but it was still gone. Thinking I was crazy, I ended up going back to my office and asking my coworkers if we'd ever had a drinking fountain there to begin with. Of course, they said that there was. I went back to the fountain a third time, and it was there, the same as always. This hasn't happened since. I'm still not sure what the hell was going on that day. - EatsAtomsRegularly

Here's to the nights we'll always remember with the friends we'll never forget.

The wife was in Newfoundland and I was in Ottawa. We were moving and she went on ahead while I stayed behind to finish my job and pack up the house. Bored one night I went to a bar and started chatting with a couple of college girls I met. One thing leads to another and they invite me back to their place for a threesome. So here I am thinking, there's no way the wife could find out. I'm leaving town in a few days so there no way this could ever blow back on me. And these girls were hot! And I turned them down. Even if my wife would never know, I would. I had too much respect for our marriage to do something like that. 3 years later we were divorced because she was sleeping with 5 other men. - KnowanUKnow

It's like one of those "You have a watermelon, a fox, and a chicken — how do you get them across the river in this boat"-kind of problems.

The other week, I found out 2 out of 3 people in my friend group are into me. Of course, third person is the person I’m into. - etaoin-shrdl-ugh

You're not getting rid of me that easily.

Cut off contact with a horrible ex around May of this year and last week I finally decided to clear all of her clothes and random junk out of my car. Got it all bagged up and tossed out. The very next day I turned a corner at the store and there she was. I haven't seen or spoken to her in six months and the day after I try to remove items that remind me of her I run right into her. - Spookyscary333

"Wait. Wait, call it. See what happens."

I was sitting besides my friend on the couch who was downloading Tinder. As soon as it downloads, some apps like tinder send you an SMS verification code. Our country has 6 digits in the phone number, Tinder sends you a 6 digits verification code. Can you see where this is going? Here I was, sitting on the couch, dumbfounded by my phone number appearing on his screen as the verification code. My. Phone. Number. Not one digit less, not one digit more. I calculated the chances and it turns out to be a 0.0001% chance of it happening. To this day my friend and I call it the devil’s story. - WagenD

This sad story is Charlie Brown-level.

It was bright and sunny out. I got the trash. I took one single step outside and it started raining immediately, and hard, too. - Zoofyooo

What a waste of your wizarding powers.

We were on a road trip and the kids are playing find a blue car, then find a red car, etc and since they were both boys it was getting loud. I had a headache but didn't want to yell so I said "Why don't you make it hard and look for a golf cart or something. No ones gonna drive a golf cart on I95" Just then an 18 wheeler hauling dozens of golf carts pulls up next to us from the next on ramp. Nothing but screams from the back seat. They thought I was magic. - minichocochi

At least they seem to have a good sense of humor about it?

I have an anxiety disorder. What is one of the worst things you could give someone with an anxiety disorder?? An un-ruptured brain aneurysm! Oh yes, a ticking time bomb that could rupture at any moment and automatically kill you! How fun and exciting. - Chaosraspberry

The positivity was inside you, all along.

After a few years of struggling with depression and lots of people telling me to "be positive," I went to donate blood. This was my first time donating so about a week after I got a letter thanking me and telling me what my blood type was, which up until this point I didn't know. It was B+ and I just couldn't help but laugh. After all this time having other people telling me to be positive I already was! - BerylCoronet

Seems like a reasonable thing to go to jail for...

The morning after I was released on bail for marijuana possession, I got an email from a company I’d applied to weeks earlier saying they’d like to interview me. It was Eaze, whose tagline is: Marijuana Delivered. - TrillbroSwaggins

One more for the road.

The day I paid off my car loan my car broke down. Took it to a shop and the cost estimate was $375. The exact cost of what my car payments were. - larryblaw

"You still coming to the potluck, Steve?"

I was driving on the completely other side of a fairly large city (around 250k people), and got rear-ended. It was my neighbor. - KillaKOman

"You merely adopted the sunshine. I was molded by it."

I'm an albino that was born and raised in Arizona. The universe has been trying to kill me since day one. - Rage_Romano

The sky is a big whiteboard that the universe uses to communicate.

I was born under a meteor shower, proposed to under a night with multiple shooting stars (not on my birthday), and the night I prayed for a sign I wouldn't die, one of the biggest fireballs I've ever seen crossed the sky 30 seconds after I said amen, right in the middle of my windshield as we drove home from MD Anderson cancer center. A week later my biopsy was back: scar tissue, no evidence of disease. - Rach5585

And another finger on the monkey paw curled...

I used to flirt with this girl at the mall. She worked at a clothing store and I chatted her up one day buying some jeans. We went to the mall a lot back in the day, so I would drop by occasionally even if I wasn't shopping. She would always run over to talk to me. She was touchy and flirty. Always happy to see me. However, I didn't want to just ask her out while she was working and she was usually too busy to chat long anyway. Me and a buddy were downtown one Friday night bar hopping and I said to him, "Man, I wish I could just see her when she wasn't working I could ask her out." Not 10 minutes later walking down the street, there she is. With her boyfriend. I said hi, she introduced him, we chatted for a minute. As we part company my friend says, without missing a beat, "Maybe you should be more specific when you wish for things." - ITworksGuys

Why did you say "wassup granny?" to that butterfly?

When my granny died I was told there was one monarch butterfly at the funeral. And now, whenever we're talking about her, a monarch butterfly always seems to appear. Winter, there's a butterfly. Walking the dog, there's a butterfly. Relatives visit, there's a butterfly. They're always monarch ones though. - SuperCatGamer2179

A Rube Goldberg machine of sadness.

As a kid I went to open up the blinds in the living room. The thick part at the very bottom hits a lampshade on the way up, which causes the lamp to fall over towards the coffee table, where it proceeds to knock over a full glass of Pepsi which I had conveniently placed right next to my powered-on PSP. Thing never worked after that. I accidentally invented a complex machine for the sole purpose of ruining my favorite toy. - HorseKarate

Those messaging rates have to be insane.

My aunt lost a son in a motorcycle accident when he was in his 20s. This was back in 2003 before cell phones were as mainstream as now. A couple years later, she had broken her phone. Remembering that her son had an old flip phone, she decided she would use it as her own. When she turned it on the screen read "hi mom" - CastingPouch

Time to lean into it: you are Steve now.

Over a decade, semi-strangers and business associates with whom I am not particularly close call me by the wrong name. Invariably, the wrong name is "Steve". I have had e-mail messages where I have closed with my own name, and the greeting of the response is "Hi, Steve". The guy who offices next to me (who I have known for four years) just last week said "How's it going, Steve?" I would get people sometimes calling me the wrong name, but almost always the same wrong name? - skelebone

They have The Sight.

One night I had a dream that I was with a group of people (I couldn't recognize any of them), walking in a city. The ambiance was really good. We were walking over a bridge and went into a certain bar. Cue to a couple of months later: I'm on an exchange to Sevilla, Spain. We met up with all the exchange students to go to a bar. Suddenly we went over the same bridge I dreamt about and saw bars on the other side... We went in the same bar as in my dream. - HamiltonSlashLaurens

Donate them to Goodwill.

It was two weeks after my birthday this year. My wife bought me a pack of 100 Jaffa cakes (amazing British mini cake with chocolate and orange stuff in it). I had three in my hand when the phone rang. It was my doctor phoning to tell me I was really, really diabetic. HbA1c of 118.6 / 13%. I took my three Jaffa cakes and threw them away, never to eat them again. - ringo_24601

Should I-- should I put this on my turkey sandwich or what?

I was walking through a parking lot near my office, I saw an avocado. One lonely Hass avocado in the middle of the parking lot. The next day I was walking along a side walk, and I see another avocado, in the middle of the side walk. This time it was a big green avocado. A glitch in the matrix. - tinkrman

On the plus side, your chances of having your kids someday win the WWE Tag Team Championships just doubled.

That time I found out I was pregnant, again, then found out I was somehow 26 weeks pregnant, then found out it was f*cking twins. Again. - fuzzyoctopus97