You know that Miley Cyrus song, "Wrecking Ball?" Yeah, that is pretty much what it is like to live with a toddler. They destroy everything in their path. All day every day. They ruin your phones, the walls in your house, your toilet paper rolls– you name it, they will draw on it, drool on it, suck on it, or tear it apart.
And yes, that includes your soul. Between the ages of two and four, kids have no filter. They will tell you that you look old and wrinkly. They will ask you when you are going to die. They will cut you to your core with one look– they are monsters. If you are a parent, you understand what I am talking about. If you are not, all you have to do is read these hilarious tweets.
They will give you an unflinching glimpse into what it looks like to live with a tiny little constant wrecking ball.
This pretty much sums up what it is to be a toddler:If you are the parent of a toddler, you are constantly dealing with laughter, tears, dirt, and messes, oh my!
I'll do it myself
I do it myself. I do it myself. I do it myself. I do it myself. I do it myself. I do it myself. WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME?!!!!!!! -Toddlers— Mommy Owl (@Mommy Owl)1473175190.0
My toddler is walking around the house saying "Oh no!" over and over. At first it was cute, but now I'm afraid she knows something I don't.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1455548126.0
No one exaggerates a situation quite like a toddler who just broke their cookie.— Jennifer Lizza (@Jennifer Lizza)1462472006.0
My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables. And the academy award goes to....— CurrentlyCaprece (@CurrentlyCaprece)1459449228.0
"Parenting" is calmly explaining to a crying toddler that their head is still attached to their body after they put… https://t.co/jS0zSA3L08— La Guardia Cross (@La Guardia Cross)1526313569.0
4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said.— Mike Reynolds (@Mike Reynolds)1466434129.0
Me: I love you little buddy. 3yo: I love cheese.— The 21st Century SAHM (@The 21st Century SAHM)1481037082.0
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.— Unfiltered Mama (@Unfiltered Mama)1493953089.0
I didn't even know you could feel every single emotion in a 20 minute span until I put a toddler to bed.— Simon Holland (@Simon Holland)1413250354.0
You can lead a toddler to water but you can't make her think it's juice.— Zoe vs. the Universe (@Zoe vs. the Universe)1455116163.0
The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.— Jennifer Lizza (@Jennifer Lizza)1431373221.0
My 4yo is playing in a large box. Me: “Is that your rocket ship? Your castle? Your voyaging boat?” 4yo: “Nope. It’s… https://t.co/6iINPP2gdW— audri: she/they (@audri: she/they)1543321894.0
Looking in the rear view mirror gave me a freaking heart attack today. My daughter’s elephant mask is nightmare fue… https://t.co/KjUuRaHlVf— Sassparilla (@Sassparilla)1530674636.0
One unsupervised minute
A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.— Kelcey Kintner (@Kelcey Kintner)1463053330.0
2 yo has been crying for 20 minutes because she misses her booger. In case you wondered what motherhood is like.— Julia Sugarbaker is speaking (@Julia Sugarbaker is speaking)1485273644.0
The best way for me to get my 3 year old's attention is to try and rest for a second.— Brian Hope (@Brian Hope)1400873465.0
The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was "I know how to start a fire!" so nothing you guys say today can scare me.— Wendy S. (@Wendy S.)1400677040.0
My toddler wanted to have an argument about who pooped in the diaper she was wearing. And it was the least crazy thing she did all day.— Unfiltered Mama (@Unfiltered Mama)1490582782.0
Fossil MomLittle kids are obsessed with how you are old and wrinkly and falling apart. I don't know why. But they can't contain themselves.
Ice cream in the dryer
wife: Why is there ice cream in the dryer!? me [whispers to toddler] Why is there ice cream in the dryer? toddler [… https://t.co/9gB6AMhy9i— Josh (@Josh)1528405474.0
Overheard my 4yo explaining 'barefoot' to her little sister: "we call this bare feet because we're not wearing shoe… https://t.co/pBTfrvXAbw— JL Bleakley (@JL Bleakley)1531757598.0
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.— Sara (@Sara)1455032283.0
If you were wondering, when your 4 year old asks you if she can cut her hair, there's a 100% chance it's because she already did.— Courtney (@Courtney)1467831075.0
Into the wild
I feel like I could release my toddler into the wild and she'd probably do fine— Sweatershirt Cher🔸 (@Sweatershirt Cher🔸)1463151802.0
My 4yo just asked me if I was there when we went to Disney 6 weeks ago for 5 days, so I’m obviously making a huge impact in her life.— SpacedMom (@SpacedMom)1510063870.0
3yo leaves dinner table, removes all his clothes, and yells "Guess who's here.... NAKED BOY!" This is why we can't eat out.— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonIsCrying)1374019884.0
Chuck Norris cried himself to sleep after spending the day with my three-year-old.— Close to Classy (@Close to Classy)1498764937.0
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.— Simon Holland (@Simon Holland)1410480885.0
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."— jess a brambles company ⚪️ (@jess a brambles company ⚪️)1435544165.0